If you had one, did you do your Hospital VBAC solo, or with a doula?

Katietwin

And by "solo", I mean with just the support & coaching your DH and/or L&D nurses may have provided.

 

I hired a doula 2-3 week ago and am completely disappointed.  She has cxl'd 3 out of our 4 scheduled appt's, and although that's been due to what seem like legit reasons, I am left a week before my due date with no real greater feeling of preparedness,  She talks a lot about all the great things she can do and help with, and the knowledge she can impart to help me get through the hardest stretch of labor, but - so far, all she's done is talk.  I now little more than what I've watched on Youtube, or read here.  We were supposed to do labor training/practice labor last night with DH, and she cxl'd on me 3 hrs before she was meant to be here.  I was so bummed out b/c I finally felt like I *might* learn some things to make me feel I can do this thing - and now I'm totally feeling defeated and intimidated by the whole thing, again.

I want this VBAC, but am not sure anymore I want her to be involved in such an intimate and powerful experience in my life - I feel like we're trying to force a connection that is clearly not there - partly bc we've had zero time to build one, but also b/c she has not done much to earn my confidence.  The contract we have says the retainer I paid is non-refundable - I am tempted to just forfeit, and try to go this along with DH, scared as I may be about my chances at getting through it.  I wanted female support thru the toughest parts of my labor - bc DH and I have a dynamic under stressful situations that can be anything but calming.  But, now, I am thinking it's not worth having this virtual stranger who has been the source of aggravation to me, to even be around.  

 

MrsVictoriaB

That is frustrating! I wanted a doula really badly but we couldn't afford one. So I did it solo. DH was of no help or support, he just slept the whole night in the chair next to my bed. I had a really great supportive L&D nurse though so that helped my morale!

 I did fine on my own though, maybe I could have gone longer without an epi if I had a support person, but oh well

zubenescamali

having a connection with your doula is pretty important, IMO.  but you must have had felt somewhat confident in her when you hired her, maybe your expectations are off?  we didn't have any labor rehearsals or much education beforehand, but i had also taken a bradley class and was pretty well informed.  we did go over our birth preferences and we discussed what i wanted her role to be as well as some of the factors that might influence how i would handle the labor.  regardless, i wouldn't have expected her to "educate" me on birth...but it depends on what you had discussed and included in your contract prior.  even with everything you described, i probably wouldn't forfeit her, she might- probably will- be essential in helping keep you relaxed and calm during labor.  perhaps you can ask her for some reading recommendations (my doula gave me some chapters to review in her natural birth books) to go over in the next week?

MAprincess

I actually hired a doula but didn't end up calling her to the hospital when I was in labor.  So, I ended up VBACing "solo".  I was induced and didn't feel the need for her to be there while we were waiting for contractions to kick in and by the time I figured we should call her we didn't because DD was about to be born. 

cchill01

I would call her and share your frustrations.  If she's good, she'll swoop in and try to fix the situation.  I wouldn't forfeit your money without some kind of discussion.  If she gets to the birthing room and is really not helping, or you're feeling uncomfortable, then you can ask her to leave.   Maybe you and DH can set up some kind of signal that means you want her to go.

Not having adequate support with my first is one of my biggest regrets.  Getting a good L&D nurse is totally a matter of fate....and I've never been the lucky type.  

For #2, I'm planning to deliver with a solo midwife who will be there most of the time.  She will also hand pick the nurses who are most supportive.  So, I will not be hiring a doula.  If I was going back to my previous provider with 6 doctors and tons of nurses, then I would not even consider a birth without a doula.

babyike

cchill01:

I would call her and share your frustrations.  If she's good, she'll swoop in and try to fix the situation.  I wouldn't forfeit your money without some kind of discussion.  If she gets to the birthing room and is really not helping, or you're feeling uncomfortable, then you can ask her to leave.   Maybe you and DH can set up some kind of signal that means you want her to go.

Not having adequate support with my first is one of my biggest regrets.  Getting a good L&D nurse is totally a matter of fate....and I've never been the lucky type.  

If I was going back to my previous provider with 6 doctors and tons of nurses, then I would not even consider a birth without a doula.

This exactly

Try talking with her before deciding you're done with her.  Explain to her that you really need to feel like she is invested in your labor and birth.  Also, make the request to your care provider to try and get the most supportive L&D nurse.  Perhaps ask for the nurse with the most VBAC-support experience, etc just in case.   

I had a doula with my hospital VBAC, though I was being cared for by midwives as well.  My midwife made sure I had incredible support from my nurses, but having the doula was also extremely helpful during transition/pushing/postpartum.  She and DH would take turns, so one would rest while the other helped me.  He is adamant about having a doula this time as well!  It is just what works better for us.

Hang in there!  HTH and GL!  

lostaspen

If I had planned a hospital birth, I would have gotten a doula.  It is one of my biggest regrets for my first labor experience.  But I had a home birth with a midwife and her two apprentices, all of whom acted as doulas as well.

nosoup4u

I agree with contacting her and laying it all out - let her know your worries about hiring her, etc. Ask for some concrete details about what her plan for your labor is. Then go from there. And if you tell the hospital you are wanting to go med-free, they will most likely match you up with a nurse who has experience with it.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you!

Geekchick921

cchill01:

Not having adequate support with my first is one of my biggest regrets.  Getting a good L&D nurse is totally a matter of fate....and I've never been the lucky type.  

For #2, I'm planning to deliver with a solo midwife who will be there most of the time.  She will also hand pick the nurses who are most supportive.  So, I will not be hiring a doula.  If I was going back to my previous provider with 6 doctors and tons of nurses, then I would not even consider a birth without a doula.

Ditto to all of this.  I wish I'd had a doula with my daughter.  The nurses I had just acted annoyed that I was moving enough in bed that they had to adjust the monitor, and DH didn't really know WTF to do, especially since I was stuck in bed getting pumped full of pitocin.

With my VBAC (I saw the same CNM has cchill here is seeing now) my midwife was with me pretty much the whole time, and my nurse was great.  DH also was a great support person the second time around.  He knew how important VBACing was to me and he really did his homework.  My midwife and nurse also gave him pointers.  I did not regret not hiring a doula, which was my plan originally before I asked my CNM about it.  Had I been cared for by a doctor or group of doctors, I would have hired a doula without a doubt.