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Natural Birth
Let's talk about sex!
I'm in my 3rd week after giving birth to my first LO. I am so nervous about having sex with my hubby after my six weeks of recovery. Especially since I had a 4th degree tear. Can anyone give me feedback on their experience with sex after a vaginal birth and tearing? Also, nervous husband won't be satified? I'm nervous my vagina will be too loose or won't go back to the way it use to be. It's embarrassing and uncomfortable to talk to anyone I know about this. Please help and be candid!
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Re: Let's talk about sex!
This post is full of TMI. Just a warning.
My vagina did an involutary twinge reading your post- Oh, I remember those days! I'll start by saying that I had an episiotomy and was still in a lot of pain 5w PP. I got the ok at 5.5w PP, and we tried the next day. I was in tears. It was a mess. It literally felt like I was tearing all over again! It didn't go well. Well, we tried a few more times with similar results before my Dh backed off and we didn't try again until after 3mos PP. By then, things were still sore, and we had to take it realllly slow and use lots of lube, but after a while it didn't hurt and I (we) could enjoy it again. It took all of 6mos to fully heal.
A friend of mine said post baby sex would be like "throwing a hot dog down a hall way." (Ewwwww!) But for me it was completely different. It literally felt like the ring of fire every time we tried.
My best advice- don't start again until you're 100% mentally ready for it. Don't do it bc you feel bad for your H- In my experience, I'm sure Dh would have rather waited (or had a bj) than make me cry during sex! Also, go slooooow and use lots and lots of lube. Wondering if you used enough?? Then use some more. It will probably hurt or at least be uncomfortable at first, but if you can work past that, the discomfort goes away. GL mama
ETA- Congrats on your LO!!
I had a 3rd degree episiotomy/tear. I was given the all-clear at 6 weeks but I don't think we tried for about 2 weeks because I was too nervous. Here's my best advice: get drunk first, use lots of lube and lots of foreplay. When foreplay didn't hurt, it made me feel less nervous about continuing. The more relaxed you are, the better it will go (hence the alcohol). The lube is necssary if you're BFing because your hormones are still a mess.
It was a little uncomfortable at first. Everything was too tight and it just felt "different." Things did return to normal after a few times. If they don't, talk to your OB/MW.
After my first was born ( had an episiotomy) I was terrified of sex. We got the go ahead at my 6w check so we gave it a try. It was honestly worse than our first time having sex, which was not that painful at all. I felt like I was sealed up inside and so it was really sharp pain the further we went. We didn't finish. That was with lots of lube, by the way, which is reeeally important. I don't think it felt decent to me for at least 4 or 5 more times. I was also really self conscious of my body and my vagina for a long time. It just took time on my part and lots of loving words from DH.
After our second child, I don't know if there really was a difference physically down there to make it better/easier, but it was better/easier. I had 2 small stitches from a "skid mark" and had to wait a couple weeks past the 6w check because it wasn't healed yet. When we did go for it, we used lots of lube, again, but I also had a couple glasses of wine beforehand. I really think that helped me relax more than I could on my own.
I don't remember it being a problem after our third at all. We used extra lube but I don't recall having to ease into it much if at all. So maybe it gets easier after each kid too??
My advice would be lube, lots of foreplay, wine and going slow in a position that is most comfortable for you.
I had a 2nd degree tear. At 4-5 weeks pp the thought of sex was not good. I got the all clear around 7 weeks pp and we had sex a few days after that. It was tight and uncomfortable but not too painful. We did use lube plenty of lube which I think is absolutely essential. It felt like sharp pains at first, but not too strong, if that makes sense. Relaxing and going slow helped a lot. After the first few times it didn't hurt anymore and was pleasurable.
It did NOT feel like a hotdog in a hallway. I was afraid that I would be loose and sex wouldn't feel as good anymore but after the first few times, its just as good now as it was before!
I agree with others that you should wait until your physically AND mentally ready. Your DH will understand and you can do other things until you're ready for intercourse.
I had "two bad tears" no idea what degree they were, but the docs were sewing me up for quite a while. I didn't get the OK to have sex until 9 weeks PP because at 6 weeks, one of the tears was still partly opened.
We tried the first time at 9 weeks and it didn't work at all. I'm pretty sure he didn't get all the way in before I told DH it was a no-go. The next time we tried was around 12 weeks, I think. It was better, but we still had to stop very quickly because I was in too much pain. Maybe around 4 weeks later, we had our first successful PP sex session. It still hurt, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't handle it. I just told DH he'd better be quick, lol!
I think it was probably 6-8 months PP before I could really enjoy sex without "being careful" at all. Now (1 year later) it feels the same as before baby.
DH tells me the "hot dog down the hallway" is crap. My vagina feels pretty much the same as before. In fact, I was even tighter at first because of all the scar tissue from my tears.
IMO, don't have sex before you're ready for DH. Surely he knew that post-baby there would be a lot less sex for a while. If you feel bad for him or are worried about him being satisfied, buy him a dirty mag or video or offer up a BJ if you're OK with that. If your DH is anything like mine, he won't want to have sex with you if you're in pain anyway.
Good luck and don't worry about it for a while. Things will get better.
BFP#2: EDD 2/11/14, MMC confirmed 7/15/13 (growth stopped at 6 weeks), D&C @ 12 weeks 7/25/13
If you tore that much, I'd suggest waiting longer than the six weeks to have any vigorous force applied to your vaginal area. Try oral sex or something instead if it still hurts down there. The more painful it is, the more nervous you will get, and the less you will be able to relax the next time you guys try it...which will only set you up for more pain. Also, having him start slow or use a position where you can control the amount of penetration, force, and direction might help--like cowgirl or doggy style but with you providing the motion instead of him. It might not be the best sex either of you has ever had the first time you try it again, but honestly I don't think anybody should expect that.
If you are worried about things feeling loose, you can do kegels or get an exercise product like smart balls or luna balls. Smart balls are pretty inexpensive and as somebody who owns a pair, I can tell you that they don't stretch the area much at all when you insert them, so I don't think they would aggravate your tear (although if they do, by all means wait longer to use them).
Don't take this as a flame, but isn't this pretty dangerous? I thought because everything is, well, raw down there you risk getting air into your cardiovascular system, which you can die from. Maybe I'm wrong. I would also think the risk of infection would be huge.