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s/o: would you leave your husband

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Re: s/o: would you leave your husband

  • SolelleSolelle member
    imageadamwife:
    imageSolelle:

    Also, to the 2nd part of the question, if you have children (especially girls) what kind of example are you setting for them by staying with a cheater?  Dadddy can still be daddy to your children without you having to stay married.  Just sayin'.  

    And why would your small child ever need to know about it?  #1 - it isn't any of their business.  #2 - this lady's child is between 6-12 months.  Anyone discussing their sex life with a toddler has issues.

    If the child were older, it still shouldn't be discussed with them.  If they were to find out somehow, I think it opens the door for a powerful lesson in forgiveness.

    I'm not talking about infants, although I am a firm believer in environment playing a large impact on child development. 

    I think adults quickly forget what it's like to be a child/tween.  Children are not as ignorant as we would like to believe.  They definitely know when something is up, they may not know the specifics per say or completely understand it, but trying to pull the wool over a child/tween's eyes is not going to work for long.  

    Cheating is equatable to abuse in my eyes.  Clearly not physical, but absolutely mental.  I don't believe that people can "change" just because they say so.  That person is either looking for attention or a way out.  If you want to stay with someone who cheats on you that's completely up to you, but I have pride and respect in myself and know what it's like to be in an abusive situation so um no thanks for me. 

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  • ImpatientgalImpatientgal
    imageadamwife:
    imageSolelle:

    Also, to the 2nd part of the question, if you have children (especially girls) what kind of example are you setting for them by staying with a cheater?  Dadddy can still be daddy to your children without you having to stay married.  Just sayin'.  

    And why would your small child ever need to know about it?  #1 - it isn't any of their business.  #2 - this lady's child is between 6-12 months.  Anyone discussing their sex life with a toddler has issues.

    If the child were older, it still shouldn't be discussed with them.  If they were to find out somehow, I think it opens the door for a powerful lesson in forgiveness.

    I think it's a little naive to say it's none of your child's business and therefore stay in the marriage. I don't think anyone is implying that their sex life is being discussed with a toddler, but if there is repeated cheating (as there was in the case in question) the child is going to find out.

    I knew about infidelities and perceived infidelities in my parents' marriage. It created tremendous stress in our family, and, I believe, contributed to the escalating abuse that went on for years. It was a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE environment to grow up in. And I feel like I lost a huge part of my childhood while I was trying to negotiate between fights and protecting younger siblings from hearing about the infidelities during their fights. Kids are much more perceptive than you are giving them credit for.

    This type of stuff damages the entire family, not just the marriage.

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  • Lady GaladrielLady Galadriel member
    In a heartbeat I would leave. My upside is dh was cheated on by his ex fiance years ago and it destroyed him for years. We both agree that cheating is completely unacceptable. A friend of ours family has some coal mines, he said I could hide the body there if dh ever got out of line. hehe
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  • adamwifeadamwife
    imageImpatientgal:
    imageadamwife:
    imageSolelle:

    Also, to the 2nd part of the question, if you have children (especially girls) what kind of example are you setting for them by staying with a cheater?  Dadddy can still be daddy to your children without you having to stay married.  Just sayin'.  

    And why would your small child ever need to know about it?  #1 - it isn't any of their business.  #2 - this lady's child is between 6-12 months.  Anyone discussing their sex life with a toddler has issues.

    If the child were older, it still shouldn't be discussed with them.  If they were to find out somehow, I think it opens the door for a powerful lesson in forgiveness.

    I think it's a little naive to say it's none of your child's business and therefore stay in the marriage. I don't think anyone is implying that their sex life is being discussed with a toddler, but if there is repeated cheating (as there was in the case in question) the child is going to find out.

    I knew about infidelities and perceived infidelities in my parents' marriage. It created tremendous stress in our family, and, I believe, contributed to the escalating abuse that went on for years. It was a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE environment to grow up in. And I feel like I lost a huge part of my childhood while I was trying to negotiate between fights and protecting younger siblings from hearing about the infidelities during their fights. Kids are much more perceptive than you are giving them credit for.

    This type of stuff damages the entire family, not just the marriage.

    This is why in the original question I asked whether or not it would depend on circumstances.  I amall for giving my husband a second chance, but if it was continuing to happen - that's an entirely different story.

    I think that if he has an affair once and you work things out, there is no reason your child should find it out.  How would they know unless you blabbed to others about it, or the person who had the affair with your husband told your child/someone they know? 

    I do agree that children are smart and would figure it out if there was a pattern of cheating happening.  But if it were one situation that happened, it is completely different IMO.

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