Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Sperm bank of your choice?
We are using California Cryobank because we liked the way their online catalog is set up (I found it easier to search for what we wanted than in other banks' catalogs) and because we found the donor we wanted there. Their customer service has been good, although I will be contacting them this week about a possible reimbursement/credit for a vial that seems to have had low motility, so that will be a greater test of their customer service! We'll see.
However -- for me it is all about the donor, not the bank, and if I decide to switch donors and find a donor I want at another bank, I would not hesitate to switch (provided it is a reputable bank). If I find another donor at CCB, I would not hesitate to stick with them (which would be easier since we already have an account set up). I'm selecting the genetic material of my child -- to me that is pretty important, and I am willing to pay a little more or put up with inconveniences to get what I want.
I don't think storage is a problem -- people store purchased sperm at their banks for years while they are waiting to conceive siblings, and it is fine, but if you will be storing at the bank (vs at a doctor's office/fertility clinic), you may want to look into the costs of doing so at different banks.
Other things to look into -- these things may or may not be concerns for you:
Do they have a cap on how many families can use one donor's sperm, and if so, what is it?
Do they guarantee a certain value/motile count in their sperm vials?
Do the costs of vials/storage/shipping (if needed) differ significantly from other banks?
Good luck!
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
The only comparing I remember doing with sperm banks with DD was who had red head donors (few and far between lol), price, and whether or not the RE worked with these companies or not. We decided on Fairfax. We are in the southeast but I don't consider that I deciding factor. If CA cryobank had a red head at the time, we would have considered them as well. We had looked at Xytex (GA) and actually used them for our first 3 IUI attempts with first clinic. When we changed clinics, we were told by that RE that they didn't prefer to use Xytex because they have a higher number of reported pregnancies before they will retire a donor from the program. While I'm sure the risk of incest is highly unlikely, I guess the RE clinic would rather not risk it. Anywho...we went with Fairfax for the next 3 IUI attempts. I really liked this company because I could order online, chat online if I had any questions, I spoke with the same person everytime I called the main office (online and by phone) and she was always very nice. We've just had good experiences with them and are obviously satisfied with the "product."
Jayden when she was "itty bitty."
We also went with CCB, for many of the same reasons as ball.and.chain, primarily finding an ideal donor with them. We're in the PNW too and unless you're willing/able to drive Spokane, WA to pick-up from NW Cryobank, you're looking at shipping. Shipping from CCB is easy but expensive ($185-235 per shipment depending on speed). For storage, we did their "Purchase and Store". They have two options: "Family Today - Purchase 5 vials and receive 1 year FREE storage and Family Tomorrow - Purchase 10 vials and receive 3 years FREE storage."
Best of luck in making a decision, selecting a donor and creating your family!
We are using NW Cryobank, due largely to them having a donor that we love. Other bonuses were relatively low cost, especially compared to some other banks we looked at, and the ease of shipping to our home (really good doctors are scarce in our area, and we are trying by ourselves at home for at least a few cycles).
We had also looked into Cryogenic Laboratories, also due to being a little more affordable. But as others have said, it is really all about the donor.
Good luck in your search!
We chose to go with Fairfax, simply because DH found the donor he liked best there. We also got a great deal when we bought 6 vials at a time. Our RE stores our vials (I think costs ~$100/yr for storage).
Because my husband is also FTM he took the lead in picking out a donor. It was his way to contribute sperm to the conception process :-)
Congrats on the start of your journey!
IUI #2 (100 mg clomid and HCG trigger) - BFN
IUI #3 (Gonal-f and HCG trigger) - BFN
IVF #1 - 21 retrieved, 20 mature, 15 fertilized (ICSI), 2 d5 blasts transferred, 8 frozen - c/p
FET #1 - BFFN
FET #2 - BFN? c/p? Either way no baby
FET #3 - No shock...BFN
FET #4 - BFN :-(
Surgery and TTC cancelled - pursuing surrogacy
7/31/12 Surrogate got a +HPT!!!!
We used cryogenic laboratories in Minnesota. They're a branch of Fairfax. We have not been impressed with them. They're expensive and so is their storage. We have had MANY vials that were below the count they guarantee or just like 1 million above--so if they guarantee to 10 million the vial is 11 million. Lame.
I feel as though if they had better quality sperm we may have gotten pregnant before 10 IUIs and ultimately IVF. Who knows for sure, but I know we had every test and there is nothing wrong with Mel except "unexplained infertility" aka "crappy sperm." Looking back, we probably should have changed banks, but there's here nor there now I guess.
Thank you everyone for the help, I have an appointment for my first consultation on the 11th. Super nervous. DB has been going threw tons of donors, he's extremely picky in the process... which makes me smile.
Ill update as the journey progresses.
Me: Witty Comical Southern Girly,Relocated To Wonderful Seattle.
DH: Charming Introvert, Perfect father material.
9/5 First Re Appointment: Good to go on next cycle!
Waiting October IUI, Wish me luck!
Causes I support: GLBT Rights, Children Rights, Animal rights.
Manda - I keep trying to figure out what "DB" stands for. (When I read posts, I read them out loud in my head and I speak out the abbreviations, if that makes sense.) The only thing I can think of, based on LGBTQ etc. culture is Darling Boi.
Sperm bank question:
We selected a local bank because they offer same-day delivery, which means a seven day tank truly is good seven days from its arrival at our door.
When you use a company that has to ship it, how do you manage the fact that the "seven days" that it stays frozen begins the day it ships, then takes a few days to get to you? (And it looks like you have to place the order a few days before shipping!)
If you cycle is at all erratic, how do you manage the timing of all of that?
Well, for one thing you can do overnight shipping. Our bank only offers overnight or 2-day, so it wouldn't cut into the 7 days TOO much. Both are expensive so you don't save that much to do 2-day.
If you are using an RE's office or AI clinic or someplace else that has storage facilities, it doesn't matter -- they just take it out and put it into storage and it's good until you're ready for them to thaw it -- whether that's days or weeks or months.
Honestly, this is one of the reasons I would not personally do at-home insems unless I had free, fresh sperm from a local, known donor who could be available when needed. My cycles are relatively consistent -- out of 12 cycles charting, I have ovulated on cd 19 or 20 for 8 of them -- but I have also ovulated twice on cd 17, once on 21, and once on 24. In other words I'd want to have the sperm by cd 16 but might not need it until 24...or later...and without professional storage facilities, I'd just have to hope for the best. I guess if you're doing at-home and you ovulate later than expected, you either inseminate as late as possible and cross your fingers, or you lose the sperm.
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
That makes perfect sense.
Since we're doing at-home insemination (and my partner feels really strongly about doing this if at all possible) we'll just keep watching her charts, which are pretty consistent. Currently, if we place an order by 10 a.m., we receive it by 5 p.m. the same day. It's all a bit nerve-wracking, the timing part I mean.
Thank you to everyone who replied.
After looking at many reviews I decided to hold off until I was confident with the Fertility clinic, Switched from SRM to Pacific Northwest Fertility. Going off reviews and customer service, matching with best success rates. I totally appreciate all the info and will use it in my journey (hopefully a short one).
Me: Witty Comical Southern Girly,Relocated To Wonderful Seattle.
DH: Charming Introvert, Perfect father material.
9/5 First Re Appointment: Good to go on next cycle!
Waiting October IUI, Wish me luck!
Causes I support: GLBT Rights, Children Rights, Animal rights.