Made to feel like a bad parent

o2bme · March 2012

DD will be 4 in July and she is eligible to be enrolled into a pre-k program at the school. Low income children and children with disabilites get in first and if there is any room left they fill with other children. It's a half day program. Dh and I have decided not to enroll her in this program and let her have one more year in daycare.

Well, a lot of people seem to disagree with our decision and I feel like I have to explain my reasons behind it and they keep saying I have to let her grow up.

Here are my reasons:

DD is only going to be little once and I want to enjoy this last year. She will be in school at least 13 years and hopefully go to college and if not go to work.

She seems to be learning and catching on to things fine at home. If I thought that she would struggle I would enroll her (even though there is no guarantee should would be picked).

We have less then a 10% chance that she would even get in anyway.

So what do you think? :::::::zips up flame resistant suit::::

CD+AL · March 2012

I guess I don't understand why you think she'd have more fun/enjoy this last year in daycare more than pre-k. My DS loves going to preschool and looks forward to every day of it. He only goes 3 days/wk (4days/wk next year), and he's always super disappointed when he gets up, asks if it's a school day and I say no.

In the end, it's your kid, and it's your decision. I guess I just don't understand the rationale on that part. Now whether or not she'd get in, I get that, but IMO I would try. It just doesn't seem like that's the biggest issue from what you posted.

jlw2505 · March 2012

There is not a right or wrong or good/bad with this. Everyone does what they feel is right for them and for their kids/family. For me, we pulled the kids out of daycare and did the school districts PreK program but for us - the money and time they are spending in the programs was the same so no real difference on the ourside. The programs are worlds apart and really get the kids ready for kindergarten where the daycare preschool program is way more daycare than preschool if that makes sense. I have plenty of friends who chose not to do what I did and you know what, their kids are just fine and it is what they felt made the most sense to them.

Suern9870 · March 2012

In my opinion, the value of pre-K is in the socialization, i.e., learning to cooperate, listen to the adults, share, follow instructions, etc.. I would imagine she is learning these things at her daycare, right? I mean, it's not a free for all, is it?? As far as the 'academic' side of pre-K, (pre-reading skills, numbers) you can probably meet those needs on your own at home: read to her, limit TV time, find engaging activities for her to do (but again, I bet this is also happening at her daycare).

I know several people who work full time, are very happy with the daycare their child is in, and have no intention of moving their child out until they're old enough for kindergarten. I don't think this decision makes you a bad parent at all, you're just doing what makes sense to you and your family/ child, despite the opinions of people who really have no business HAVING an opinion, in the first place.

KatFCo · March 2012

I think sometimes it has to do with how the daycare and preK are different. DD's daycare is designed to be preK the last year, so in addition to lots of play, they also have structured "class" where they learn letters, writing, etc. How is your DD's day structured?

PreK can be beneficial to kids, as it helps prepare them for kindergarten, but if she's already experiencing a semi-structured day and has a print-rich home, there's probably no reason to stress about it. She's still learning at daycare.

If you're really concerned that she won't be ready for kindergarten if she doesn't do preK, talk to the school she'll go to and ask a kindergarten teacher what she's expected to know how to do when she enters (i.e. standing in line, knowing certain gross motor skills, knowing her letters, etc.). Then you can make sure to work on that at home.

o2bme · March 2012

fredalina:
I don't really think this is a good parent/bad parent issue. It's a what's right for your child and your family. I just wouldn't bring it up again; it's not really anyone's business where your kid goes to daycare/preschool.

Today is pre-k sign up so everyone is asking when I'm going to go sign her up and when I say I'm not that's when it starts.

Suern9870 · March 2012

o2bme:
fredalina:
I don't really think this is a good parent/bad parent issue. It's a what's right for your child and your family. I just wouldn't bring it up again; it's not really anyone's business where your kid goes to daycare/preschool.

Today is pre-k sign up so everyone is asking when I'm going to go sign her up and when I say I'm not that's when it starts.

And you say:

"actually, we're really happy with the program she's currently in. I feel her academic/ social needs are being adequately met, so why bother moving her?... and how was your weekend?"

If they side eye you, or persist in making you feel badly, they're ignorant and I wouldn't sweat it..

o2bme · March 2012

CD+AL:

I guess I don't understand why you think she'd have more fun/enjoy this last year in daycare more than pre-k. My DS loves going to preschool and looks forward to every day of it. He only goes 3 days/wk (4days/wk next year), and he's always super disappointed when he gets up, asks if it's a school day and I say no.

In the end, it's your kid, and it's your decision. I guess I just don't understand the rationale on that part. Now whether or not she'd get in, I get that, but IMO I would try. It just doesn't seem like that's the biggest issue from what you posted.

It's a school setting that she will have. Meaning that she can only miss x amount of days where as a daycare they don't care how many days she comes.

o2bme · March 2012

Thank you everyone for your advice.

Temp6313048411121614 · March 2012

I agree with almost everyone else, if you feel that she's doing well where she is then that's all that matters. It's not about good/bad parenting, it's about what works for your family. Heck, I decided to pull DS1 out of preschool entirely and we'll be homeschooling preschool and I'm about 90%-95% sure I want to homeschool the rest of their school life. I've been met with quite a bit of opposition, but it's what's right for our family at this point in time.

o2bme · March 2012

cmeon_the_water:

What kind of daycare are you using? A daycare center with a preschool program for their 3/4yo kids is not what we wanted- but, it's absolutely not "bad parenting". If she's in some kind of iffy daycare situation, where she's largely ignored, sits in front of a t.v. all day, has no other kids her age- I would say that you should try to do better for her- and taking a shot at the "free" program would be a start.

She is at an in home daycare. It's not structured like a school. They work on colors, shapes, alphabet. There is other kids around her age.

o2bme · March 2012

cmeon_the_water:
o2bme:
cmeon_the_water:

What kind of daycare are you using? A daycare center with a preschool program for their 3/4yo kids is not what we wanted- but, it's absolutely not "bad parenting". If she's in some kind of iffy daycare situation, where she's largely ignored, sits in front of a t.v. all day, has no other kids her age- I would say that you should try to do better for her- and taking a shot at the "free" program would be a start.

She is at an in home daycare. It's not structured like a school. They work on colors, shapes, alphabet. There is other kids around her age.

Will there be children her age there, NEXT year, though? In this area, almost everyone sends their kids to preschool or to a center (where they have a preschool curriculum). So in home daycares tend to push kids out at 3/4yo. Are there other "free" preschool options for you? In my county in FL, we have some free county run programs like the one you describe (they're open to kids who need assistance first, and low-income kids next, followed by kids whose parents are employed by the school system. Every child who will be eligible for kindergarten the next year can attend a qualifying preschool program at private schools and use subsidized funds from the state (either to pay tuition in full if it's inexpensive enough, or in part if it isn't).

The other little girl her age has been enrolled but they will not know if she was picked until July. If she is picked then she will be there a half a day.

I just spoke with a teacher that used to teach in my school district and she said that she would not enroll her kids in the public school pre-k program here.

We live in a small town and have very limited options for child care. We have one daycare center here and it does not accept infants. Most people use in home daycares.

roxy_jj · March 2012

I was a little concerned with enrolling her in her current program because like you, I felt like she should have another year to play. DH convinced me that it would be good for her. I'm really happy with our choice because she absolutely loves it.

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