s/o: would you leave your husband

adamwife · November 2008

if he had an affair? Would it depend on the circumstances? Does having children change things?

Personally, it would depend on the situation, but if my husband was truly remorseful and was willing to work on things, I would give counseling a try. I'm sure it would be hard, but I would want my kids to know that we gave it everything we had and tried to work on things before we gave up on our marriage.

Thoughts?

Miss.Modular · November 2008

i have a feeling your husband could have a harem and you would still stick around. submissive much?

Aprilsies · November 2008

To me if one or the other person is cheating in the realtionship/marriage.... then they should have not gotten married in the first place! That is one thing me and dh agree on - if cheating is invovled.... there is no fixing things. Shouldn't have happened to begin with.

alicatt79 · November 2008

An affair or a one night stand? Either way he'd be in biggg trouble, but I could deal with a fling much better than a full on affair.

angelynn8411 · November 2008

yes i would leave him, and he knows it. i would expect him to do the same if i had an affair. I married what i believe is an honest, trustworthy, loving man and if he had an affair, I would realize he's not the man I thought he was and no amount of "working on it" would change that.

EcoBaby · November 2008

It would depend on the circumstances for me. It would be easy to say right now that I would leave him, but its definitely something I would give a lot of thought/time too before I made any decisions.

Now, if he had cheated on me repeatedly and gave me an STD that was there when I was pregnant with his child, I'm pretty sure I would be packing my bags.

alicatt79 · November 2008

Miss.Modular:
i have a feeling your husband could have a harem and you would still stick around. submissive much?

That's kinda cold, don't you think? Do you really know her well enough to make that kind of judgement call?

me&mymonkey · November 2008

I have to say that I would have to leave him. My DH knows that this is a very firm sticking point with me and there are no 2nd chances. I don't think a one night stand, oopps I was drunk is a valid excuse-then I could never trust him to drink again or be out on his own. And any other type of affair (especially one with emotions involved or long term) would def. be a deal breaker. I'd like to think I'd be forgiving but I know I couldn't do it.

MrsWarner · November 2008

Yes, I would leave him. We frequently talk about our comfort levels about relationships with people of the opposite sex. We are on the same page as far as cheating and the consequences of that.

mariatech22 · November 2008

I hope to never be in that situation, but I think it might depend on the circumstances, and I do think having a child would change the situation as well.

sarahintx05 · November 2008

Prior to baby, I would have been gone in a heartbeat. Now, I would probably try harder to work on our marriage if that happened, but I really think that I would be so resentful that I couldn't stay.

Miss.Modular · November 2008

alicatt79:
Miss.Modular:
i have a feeling your husband could have a harem and you would still stick around. submissive much?

That's kinda cold, don't you think? Do you really know her well enough to make that kind of judgement call?

lol, have you not read any of her posts?? she already said she submits to her husband merely because he is a 'man' and that's what the bible says to do!!

madhatter2003 · November 2008

EcoBaby:
It would depend on the circumstances for me. It would be easy to say right now that I would leave him, but its definitely something I would give a lot of thought/time too before I made any decisions.

Now, if he had cheated on me repeatedly and gave me an STD that was there when I was pregnant with his child, I'm pretty sure I would be packing my bags.

ditto.

adamwife · November 2008

alicatt79:

Miss.Modular:
i have a feeling your husband could have a harem and you would still stick around. submissive much?

That's kinda cold, don't you think? Do you really know her well enough to make that kind of judgement call?

She thinks she is so smart and has me figured out. It's just her simple-mindedness.

booboofixer · November 2008

Cheating and abuse are the only automatic deal breakers, lol I think! Hmm

adamwife · November 2008

Miss.Modular:
alicatt79:

Miss.Modular:
i have a feeling your husband could have a harem and you would still stick around. submissive much?

That's kinda cold, don't you think? Do you really know her well enough to make that kind of judgement call?

lol, have you not read any of her posts?? she already said she submits to her husband merely because he is a 'man' and that's what the bible says to do!!

And once again she shows her simple-mindedness, because I have tried to explain the difference between loving, Biblical submission and worldly submission time and time again. For some reason she just can't get it.

phishphood · November 2008

I have already told DH that if he ever cheated, we'd be done. There's no way I'd ever be able to trust him again, and I have no interest in being married to someone I can't trust.

rease. · November 2008

I think you need to read those posts.

I have been in pretty simular shoes as that woman. You leave and teach your children self respect, self worth and strength. She gave him another chance. He fvcked it up. He brought his mistress in HER house and let her HOLD HER CHILD. I would and have flipped my shit over that.

Adams, forgiveness is easy. Its the forgetting and moving on that isnt.

snowboardbride · November 2008

EcoBaby:

It would depend on the circumstances for me. It would be easy to say right now that I would leave him, but its definitely something I would give a lot of thought/time too before I made any decisions.

Now, if he had cheated on me repeatedly and gave me an STD that was there when I was pregnant with his child, I'm pretty sure I would be packing my bags.

same here

eris1995 · November 2008

I would probably leave, but that's easy to say now. I've been in relationships where my boyfriend cheated on me, I decided to forgive and work on the relationship and what do you know - they cheated again. Lesson learned.

leslienpete · November 2008

Yes, I would leave him. He is fully aware of that as well.

Marriage is sacred to me though - although not for religious reasons.

hesperfect · November 2008

I wouldn't leave him, I would have him removed from my house, change the locks and file for divorce. I will not live with someone that I can not trust, DH and I had this agreement when we got married. We both were in relationships and the other person cheated,and I couldn't do that to someone I love.

karenmarie20 · November 2008

EcoBaby:
It would depend on the circumstances for me. It would be easy to say right now that I would leave him, but its definitely something I would give a lot of thought/time too before I made any decisions.

Now, if he had cheated on me repeatedly and gave me an STD that was there when I was pregnant with his child, I'm pretty sure I would be packing my bags.

Ditto.

alicatt79 · November 2008

adamwife:
alicatt79:

Miss.Modular:
i have a feeling your husband could have a harem and you would still stick around. submissive much?

That's kinda cold, don't you think? Do you really know her well enough to make that kind of judgement call?

She thinks she is so smart and has me figured out. It's just her simple-mindedness.

I don't know anything about either one of you. I just thought that comment was outside the lines of good taste or humor. However, I don't know what you've said on here in the past that makes Mod assume something like that.

*sallymad* · November 2008

I would leave his as* so quickly....

adamwife · November 2008

alicatt79:
adamwife:
alicatt79:

Miss.Modular:
i have a feeling your husband could have a harem and you would still stick around. submissive much?

That's kinda cold, don't you think? Do you really know her well enough to make that kind of judgement call?

She thinks she is so smart and has me figured out. It's just her simple-mindedness.

I don't know anything about either one of you. I just thought that comment was outside the lines of good taste or humor. However, I don't know what you've said on here in the past that makes Mod assume something like that.

That I believe in traditional, "Biblical" roles in marriage.

SummersJuly15 · November 2008

madhatter2003:
EcoBaby:

It would depend on the circumstances for me. It would be easy to say right now that I would leave him, but its definitely something I would give a lot of thought/time too before I made any decisions.

Now, if he had cheated on me repeatedly and gave me an STD that was there when I was pregnant with his child, I'm pretty sure I would be packing my bags.

ditto.

same for me too.....

holly423 · November 2008

booboofixer:

Cheating and abuse are the only automatic deal breakers, lol I think!

Ditto. I would never be able to trust DH again if he cheated on me. What kind of relationship would that be where I am always fearful and assuming the worst?

brookieandphil · November 2008

I agree adamswife. I would def try to make it work but have to admit it would be a struggle. I did vow to him for better or worse and I meant it. And yes I agree it would depend on lots of circumstances.

mrsbliven · November 2008

that is one of those topics where you can have the strongest opinion in the world on but when it happens to you, you'd be surprised.

Impatientgal · November 2008

Multiple affairs or sexual encounters- HELL YES. And DH feels the same way.

pixelvixen · November 2008

Trust is one of the values in my marriage that I count on and consider sacred, and if DH were to cheat on me, that vow would not only be broken, I would never be able to trust him again. So - I'd leave him. Most definitely.

SwissPrincessBride · November 2008

My DH and I have a theory-no divorce unless there is cheating. Its a deal breaker for us. I was cheated on by the person I was with before my DH. I will never go back to that place in my life again. But every situation is different. I can only say what works for me.

jenerally · November 2008

I know myself and I know how resentful I would always feel toward him, no matter how "contrite" or "remoresful" he truly was. As Rease. said ... forgiveness is easy, it's the forgetting and moving on that are hard.

For me, cheating or abuse are my only two deal breakers.

mommabachman · November 2008

adamswife-

this coming from someone who in a previous post wrote that you don't believe in birth control and that you will probably end up like the duggers. I would beleive that your husband could probably bring someone home while you were there and you would just smile and forgive. An as far as your comment on divorce rate...suicide rate is up also! I guess I don't understand where you would think teaching your kids to pretend that something there father did is ok because he acted remorseful is totally ok. I guess your just a better person than me, i have a hard time forgiving and forgetting.

itsabouttimebride · November 2008

I have been cheated on by a man I thought I'd marry & he cheated gave me a STD - I cleared out the house took everything while he was at work and never looked back for a second. But I wasn't married with a child - who know's what I'd do - was it a one nighter maybe (my ex was having a "relationship") that's different.

Life is hard...who knows..

Miss.Modular · November 2008

I think having a child should make the decision even EASIER to get the F out. why would you want to raise your child in such a toxic environment??

Solelle · November 2008

Once a cheater, always a cheater, so YES I would leave him. Having an affair is unforgivable even if it's once. It would be one thing if you are dating casually, but marriage? No way. I told my husband if he ever feels the need to cheat or becomes attracted to someone else, as much as it would hurt, just tell me and we'll go our separate ways. The lying is almost worse then the cheating.

Also, to the 2nd part of the question, if you have children (especially girls) what kind of example are you setting for them by staying with a cheater? Dadddy can still be daddy to your children without you having to stay married. Just sayin'.

EcoBaby · November 2008

I also wouldn't stay if I couldn't forgive him. If I make a decision, it has to be one that I accept completely. I couldn't stay if I couldn't forgive him. I do think there has to be a point where YOU come first.

My dad cheated on my mom and I thought my mom knew about it. I was pretty disgusted with her that she would stay with him anyways because it was clear to me that there was an on-going relationship. Then it turned out that she didn't know (and did leave him once she found out).

adamwife · November 2008

Solelle:

Also, to the 2nd part of the question, if you have children (especially girls) what kind of example are you setting for them by staying with a cheater? Dadddy can still be daddy to your children without you having to stay married. Just sayin'.

And why would your small child ever need to know about it? #1 - it isn't any of their business. #2 - this lady's child is between 6-12 months. Anyone discussing their sex life with a toddler has issues.

If the child were older, it still shouldn't be discussed with them. If they were to find out somehow, I think it opens the door for a powerful lesson in forgiveness.

by your side · November 2008

i have and would again in a heartbeat if it happened again

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