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Application done!
Today we are submitting our application and fee to the agency. It actually feels like it s real and we may actually be parents. It's exciting and kind of scary. The only thing that is bothering me is my husband is really nervous that he would not love or bond with this child like he thinks he would with a bio kid. Did any of your dhs have reservations? When did they come around? Anything I could say to him to help.
TIA
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Re: Application done!
Correction... YOU WILL BE PARENTS
RE: your husband, I think many men struggle with this idea. My husband never voiced it but it may have been there. Can you connect to another adoptive couple? I may be helpful (and may have been for my DH... he never said so) to spend time with other adoptive couples and hear them talk about THEIR child. It seems much more natural when you see it in action.
Congrats!
Congratulations on finishing your application and good luck!!
While we have yet to adopt, my DH did express some reservations regarding those issues when I first started talking about adoption. I think its pretty common.
Our situation is a little different, but I just reminded him that he had said the same things, with a ridiculous amount of fear and panic, about our bio son. He even made comments before the birth about being too afraid to hold him for at least a month. That was nowhere near the case. The minute he saw LO, they were inseparable and I was lucky if I even got to feed him! LOL
Once I reminded him of that, he kicked into Daddy mode and he seems much more relaxed about everything. I think all new parents have fears and reservations. When you are doing something that is a little different or non-traditional, its normal for those concerns to feel magnified.
At the end of the day, parenting is parenting, and those bonds are strong and irreplaceable. I do not say that as a bio mother, but as a mom who has raised 2 children who I did not give birth to, years before I was ever even married. The youngest of the two is graduating college in May and coming home to live with us one last summer before she starts her big girl career. Such a proud mommy!
I think you and your husband will both love being parents and good luck with everything!!
We were told to think of it like this....men don't carry a baby in their body for nine months, they do no bonding with anything other than the idea of a baby until its actually born. For women the bonding starts as soon as she knows she's pregnant but men don't really start connecting til the baby is actually here. So for men its really no different than a bio kid, unless he dwells on the fact that his genetics didn't contribute to this baby, the bonding process is no different for him.
From my experience once you get further along in the process and more educated about what adoption really is, a lot of those worries will be put completely out of your mind.
Started TTC January 2007 4 failed IUIs, 2 failed IVFs
2012 - Adopted Child #1
2014- Adopted Child #2
2015 - Fostering Child #3
Check out my infertility turned adoption blog: Discovering Joy In The Storm