Two Under 2
RyanandManda
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If your first child was "spirited"
RyanandManda
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in Two Under 2
My DD is going to be the end of me. She is SO independent and strong-willed. She uses maybe 5 words regularly so she just shrieks at me all day long when I'm not doing exactly what it is that she wants me to be doing. Her latest thing is she doesn't want me sitting... ever... she walks up to me and starts pushing me out of my seat!!! Even the toilet!!! She whines and yells all day long because she is so specific in what she wants, when she wants it, and how things should be... I just don't know how to deal with her when it's JUST HER, I don't know how on earth I'm going to deal with her and a newborn!
Please help. Any advice or words of wisdom are so very much appreciated!!!
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Re: If your first child was "spirited"
Does she know ASL? (American Sign Language) Do you know what she wants when she wants it? Does she play independently?
I've taught all my DD's ASL and felt they were able to communicate better with me.
We didn't do signing with her. In hindsight, it would have helped because she's SO particular and opinionated with EVERYTHING and has been since birth, basically. I typically know what she wants when she starts whining (part of why, I think, she doesn't use much language is because I know what she wants and needs and give it to her all day long) but it's no longer feasible for me to just give in all the time, anytime. She wants to be carried all the time. She wants to go run outside when it's not an okay time. She wants to be read to/sit in my lap/eat my food/whatever when it's just not a good time or when I really need to hydrate myself and can't have her stealing my drink or whatever. She will play independently for 15 minute stretches, maybe twice a day. Thank gawd!!!
I don't know if there's much I can do to help, but I will say that my daughter is quite, err, "spirited" herself.
She will want something and just point and repeatedly say, "THIS! THIS! THIS!"
One thing I tried to do was remain calm through her tantrums because I recognized that she could see her craziness was getting to me, which made her feel accomplished in getting my attention.
I absolutely keep my cool with DD. Always. Except for tonight when I had been working with her for almost an hour to get her to go to sleep and she just wanted me to hold her and I felt like my back was going to give out and I was going to fall over and I put her down in her crib for the 20th time and she stood up and started crying for me to hold her more and then I started crying that I really needed her to just lay down and go to sleep and that I was too tired to hold her any more and then DH came home from work and saved me... whew...
Yeah, I know those moments.
I think a lot of this is exertion of independence more than anything.
So, it's going to stop any second now? Haha! My parents said that, when I turned 2, they started calling me Demanda because I was so intense and wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. They said I was nowhere near the level of intensity as my daughter and it didn't show up till 2 years. I'm petrified of what's coming. DH is so.darn.stubborn and it seems like she got my impulsivity and independence with his stubborn streak! The next one is going to be a breeze, right??
I'm predicting it for our second
Our daughter is (for the time being) 100-percent me. Looks, temperament and personality - stubborn, strong-willed and all.
It's not too late to teach sign language. We started at 20 months and my son picked it up really quick and it helped a ton. It definitely curbs a lot of the whining of what they want/tantrums when you don't get what they're trying to communicate.
Hang in there and GL!
same here. Just teaching them the signs for, more, help, eat, and all done have done wonders for my kids frustration levels. You can teach them at any age, I seriously urge you to try and teach her more and help...they made ds a much calmer kid and both kids spoke early because they would hear me say it and see my sign it and learned to speak early.
ASLPRO.com has great videos on signs you can use.
I would also encourage you to ignore the shrieking, and when she stops then ask her what she wants and give her two options. If she points or says "this" calmly, give it to her. The more you give in when she yells now, the harder it will be with baby around. She has to learn that she needs to wait, and use her words or signs.
My son is also spirited etc. My daughter is the most laid back human on the planet. You can just set her down and she'll chill by herself unless she gets hungry. She's also been STTN since 2.5 weeks, something my son still doesn't do with consistency. I'm not sure how my daughter will be as she gets older but so far I'm glad I don't have 2 demanding ones.
All of this was really helpful! Thanks ladies!
Also, we had our first dentist appointment this week and he (after hanging out with her for all of 5 minutes) asked if we had read "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child". Haha! I downloaded it to the Kindle last night and have started it already ; )