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3rd Trimester
cc61712
member
family loss advice
cc61712
member
Needing some advice from ladies that have had to deal with sadness and loss of a family member while pregnant... I'm trying not to get too worked up but I just got a call that my grandpa was found unresponsive in the nursing home and he has been very very sick for over a month... We don't think he is going to make it 
My grandparents were like my parents for 90% of my youth, I lived with them when my sister was in the hospital and my mom and dad were with her for 3-4 years and just recently lived with my grandpa for over 2 years as his in-home caretaker... Any advice on how to deal with my emotions and stress level so I don't hurt the baby? I don't handle events like this very well to begin with
My grandparents were like my parents for 90% of my youth, I lived with them when my sister was in the hospital and my mom and dad were with her for 3-4 years and just recently lived with my grandpa for over 2 years as his in-home caretaker... Any advice on how to deal with my emotions and stress level so I don't hurt the baby? I don't handle events like this very well to begin with
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Re: family loss advice
Back when I was 2 months pregnant we found out my grandmother had stage 3 lung cancer. This came as a huge shock because the only thing this woman took were her eyedrops for glaucoma(didnt even wear glasses), but it was found out during a routine physical. My grandmother is the rock in my life. My mum wasnt around(due to work) growing up.. so I spent every waking minute with grandma. She's the reason I am who I am.
With that being said, I was also somone who had been on meds for panic attacks before the pregnancy, so this was hard. I was the one who took her to all the appointments for hours of, often times painful, tests. The way I found to get through it was to first off vent, about EVERYTHING. Josue got used to me not only saying what bothered me but why it did. Even if it was something stupid like getting nail polish on my skin. Little things add up very fast- so I talked about everything. On the days I would have to take grandma someplace- or just the harder days- Id run a bath. Id put some oils in there and play happy music. (like Brand New Key by Melanie). Josue used to bring me a cup of hot cocoa(always calms me for some reason) and just sit on the toilet and draw with me. Im a major art freak.. so it made me relax.
Also stay busy. Im a crafty person, so while I'd be in a waitig room Id take out something to work on. Weather it was embroidering something onto a blanket or baby shirt.. to making mini stuffed animals.. crochetting a dozen blankets...drawing.. reading a happy book.. it kept me busy. I suggest learning to knit or crochet.. With that your fingers end up memorizing the actions so you dont have to think about anything. I used to just crochet for hours and hours, and the whole time id space out and try to remember happy moments.
She had surgery back in september and it took another month for her to return home. She has since been told that they managed to remove all of the cancer. Which is great, unfortunatly she lost 40% of her lungs. We still worry about her, but with physical therapy shes doing better. Your gramps might just surprise you and pull through this okay. I hope he does.
Im not a religious person but Ive had several women say that reading the bible helped them through a stressful time.. so if your a believer.. then try that as well.
good luck, and I hope some of my suggestions help. but most of all, remember to just breathe. it will be okay.
Everyone grieves in their own way. Allow yourself to grieve and not hold it all in (that's worse). I completely agree with PP about talking about it. The more you talk, write, journal, express yourself, etc. the more you will process through it. Be kind to yourself. Loss is never easy. Reach out to those who love and support you and ask for what you need (a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold you, a cup of tea, sit with you and watch a funny movie, etc.).
One thing I truly believe is that the people who have loved us in life become our guardian angels when they pass on. I'd bet grandpa is watching over you and LO.
I'm so sorry for you loss. May you heal quickly and hold all the good memories close to your heart.
Konstantino
Maximo
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I am so sorry to hear about your Grandpa. Grandparents are so special and it is devastating losing one.
I have lost 8 or so (one not as close to us) family members in the last three years and I have learned a lot about grief. Every one does it differently. There is no "right" way to handle your emotions involving the loss of a loved one. Do what you need to do, cry, talk about it, cry some more, celebrate them, cry some more.
My one piece of advice that answers you question, would be to take care of yourself. You NEED rest. Especially if you are stressing.
Again, I am so sorry to hear your news.