Update on DD

justEK · March 2012

I can understand your anger. I do wonder if the boy has any social issues, though. It would be ideal for you to sit on it for a bit and let them do their investigation. If the boy is being molested himself, I'm sure it would be detrimental to his recovery if he is labeled a sexual predator at age 5. No one can change your mind, I would just like to know how you would feel if this were your son? Again, sorry you're going through this.

Yodajo · March 2012

mrs_sexy:
I'm done responding. This was an update to a situation I previously posted about. Honestly, nothing anyone posts is going to change my thinking or make me question our actions. Thankfully this child is being attended to by SRS, the school, and the authorities.

You are fortunate to be a part of an online community where someone like Warrior can weigh in and give you some valuable insight. I truly hope you read her reply and can thoughtfully weigh her words and not dismiss them.

I'm sorry you guys are going through this and hope that everything resolves peacefully.

CubbyMama2 · March 2012

Leila'sMommy:

Out of the school immediately with this child. He needs to be evaluated, he needs intervention to see what is happening at home. There is something very wrong with him, probably through abuse at home and he's acting it out at school. Kids just don't do things like that.

I am so sick of people feeling sorry for the people who do wrong. In an attempt to make sure everyone's feelings aren't hurt, we overlook what's important - being held accountable for your actions. I hope the school understands the seriousness of this, I really do. I hope he is punished to the full extent of whatever law you can hand down to an elementary school child. A simple slap on the wrist won't work in a situation like this. If this isn't stopped he will grow up to be much, much worse. Trust me. My major was in Criminology.

Your DD should never have to see this boy again and I would most definitely be pressing charges if it were my DD in that situation. Sickening.

Um...he is FIVE. Should every toddler/young kid who hits, bites, says bad words, etc. be called a criminal and prosecuted for it? Being a criminology major doesn't make you an expert in child development (or a psychic, for that matter) and you have no way of knowing why this kid did what he did, whether he knew it was wrong, or whether he will grow up to be a criminal.

I agree that what he did was not OK. I would want my child separated from him as much as possible and for his parents or the proper authorities to make sure he isn't being abused or exposed to inappropriate things at home. I'm not trying to belittle this situation at all. However, filing a lawsuit and/or pressing charges is, IMO, way overboard.

In the 3 years I taught kindergarten, I had one boy kiss another on the lips (the kissee's parents were horrified, and interpreted it as their child being molested and exposed to homosexuality). My teaching partner had an issue where 3 girls were going into the bathroom together and undressing each other. I have second graders who think it's fun to grab other kids' butts and then run away laughing. My friend (a principal) just had to suspend a little boy for going to "pants" his friend and accidentally pulling down his underwear, too, so his privates were exposed to the entire playground. A second grader told my current teaching partner that he can't wait to grow up and google naked ladies, and has "accidentally" grabbed both of our boobs a time or two. In all of these situations, all parents were notified. None of them filed restraining orders, called the police, sued each other, or insisted that anyone else's child be criminally prosecuted for the behavior in question. These are all various degrees of wrong, unacceptable, inappropriate, and concerning behaviors, and I'm not making light of the OP's current situation, but am just pointing out that things like this DO happen, and the child in question is not necessarily a criminal or deserving of alienation and shame. Either he didn't know it was wrong or what it meant, or he knew exactly what he was doing because something very wrong has happened to him; either way, IMO this child is not a hardened criminal who deserves to be punished or treated like an evil villain.

debs1018 · March 2012

august06mom:
I am surprised that you went from asking if you're overreacting about emailing the principal to getting a restraining order.

I agree. Okay, so, I am going to be the one to go there and say this. Something feels "off" about your story. You went from asking a WWYD to the principal coming to your house? And the "sheriff" had access to call her and she just shows up. And the child "professional" you spoke said you should remove the boy from school? Sorry this doesnt add up to me.

RobinSparkles214 · March 2012

debs1018:

august06mom:
I am surprised that you went from asking if you're overreacting about emailing the principal to getting a restraining order.

I agree. Okay, so, I am going to be the one to go there and say this. Something feels "off" about your story. You went from asking a WWYD to the principal coming to your house? And the "sheriff" had access to call her and she just shows up. And the child "professional" you spoke said you should remove the boy from school? Sorry this doesnt add up to me.

Yeah, no childhood professional would ever say to remove him from the school. This entire scenario seems extra strange. I'm having such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that the OP can have a DS that is the same age as this boy who touched her DD and have no empathy what so ever in the situation.

winomom22 · March 2012

RobinSparkles214:
I think you obviously have a right to feel upset, and I'm sorry that your DD had this happen, but I think you are way out of line with the possibility of a restraining order. Contrary to your belief, this is some what common behavior of children in this age category. It does not mean the boy is being abused, it does not mean he had ill intent, he is at an age where he's learning what is appropriate behavior. Obviously now he will know this is not appropriate behavior.

Please put yourself in the other parents position, because it could very easily be reversed. I'm sure his parents will have him evaluated and take all of the precautionary measures to make sure nothing is wrong.

I have been in a similar situation with my child and his cousins of the same age. I was extremely concerned, as were his cousins parents, but it turns out no one is being abused, none of the kids really thought much of it, they did not know the weight of their actions. I was assured over and over again that this is typical behavior. If it were to continue after the fact that they know it is inappropriate, then yes, further evaluation would be necessary.

I just find it completely harmful and self serving to humiliate this boy any further. They will not be in the same class, he will learn the weight of his actions.

I totally agree with this. The other day DD1 and 2 neighbor boys the same age (all 5) exposed themselves to each other. They didn't see the harm in it and thought it was "funny." I just chalked it up to children naturally exploring as most kids do. I of course had a talk with DD1 about how that is private and she should not show people or let people touch it or touch other people's privates. After reading this post I felt like- Sh*t. I could see DD1 doing something like that not knowing it's inappropriate. I had another discussion with her about it and she said she would never touch another person's private area because that's "gross." But she has ADHD and is impulsive so you never know. Looking at it from both perspectives, I think you are overreacting. I would just request that my daughter not have to be around him anymore and that he be talked to and have the home situation looked into.

StarryNight39 · March 2012

o_O

I really don't know what to say. The story has changed so drastically. It gets a big ol' side eye from me.

bebemama · March 2012

I agree with something feeling a little of on the sequence of events with this story. I told my DH the whole thing last night and the first thing he said was something is not being told in this story. I can only speculate.

AnnapolisLari · March 2012

While the subject is serious and you should have been told, all of this shiitstorm is because some kid touched her OVER THE TOP OF HER CLOTHES? I would be a hell of a lot more concerned had he dropped her pants and done it.

My BS radar is going off on most of this story. Getting the police involved for what seems like completely plausible 5 year old behavior is ridiculous. My 5 year old just sat astride his sister and pretended to fart on her. Repeatedly. Alert the media. It's incest.

Zenya · March 2012

bebemama:
I agree with something feeling a little of on the sequence of events with this story. I told my DH the whole thing last night and the first thing he said was something is not being told in this story. I can only speculate.

I am really hoping that is the case. Like either something huge is being left out or the OP is just lying. Otherwise I am pretty disgusted, honestly.

august06mom · March 2012

I'm not doubting what she's saying or the sequence. My guess is that it's her DH propelling all of this. You don't go from "Am I overreacting about emailing the principal?" to filing a restraining order against a little boy.

Last night on the way home from dinner, DS reached over to his baby brother and tried to grab his butt in the car seat, yelling, "Squishy tushie!" (which he's totally seen me to do the baby). Of course, I told him that we don't touch other people's bottoms, but imagine if he'd done that in kindergarten and something like this had happened?

goofyteacher · March 2012

As a teacher, I would find your reaction to all of this absolutely ridiculous. I can't imagine having to deal with you.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

goofyteacher:
As a teacher, I would find your reaction to all of this absolutely ridiculous. I can't imagine having to deal with you.

She claims they are all on her side, which may be the case. But honestly - if anything else ever happens that's questionable like this, I could actually see the school wanting to distance themselves from HER.

gracendantho26 · March 2012

EastCoastBride:
goofyteacher:
As a teacher, I would find your reaction to all of this absolutely ridiculous. I can't imagine having to deal with you.
She claims they are all on her side, which may be the case. But honestly - if anything else ever happens that's questionable like this, I could actually see the school wanting to distance themselves from HER.

They are probably humoring her so that she doesn't go nuts and file a lawsuit against the school. They have to be very careful.

This boy was way out of line but she is taking this way too far. I would be so mortified if my DS did this and he would be in for the biggest lecture/discipline of his life. I cannot imagine the embarrassment the parents probably already feel about their son doing this. I am in no way excusing this boys behavior. I think he needed to be punished but the ongoing shaming is not appropriate for the age of the perp.

justEK · March 2012

I think I'm going to need an update on this update.

eclaires · March 2012

The other night in the bathtub, Scarlett grabbed Jackson's penis and pulled.

We filed a restraining order against her, so we're going to buy another house and live part time w/ each of them. Genius, right?

As far as the OP's situation - if it's that concerning to you, pull your kids out of the school and send them elsewhere. You weren't notified about it, you apparently think it's a big deal, so take control of the situation on your end. I guess my opinion is that if you are that horrified by what happened and how it was handled, the answer is not a restraining order and forcing the other kid out - you should get your kids out. My thought is that if I was willing to get a restraining order against a 5YO b/c of something that happened at school - something that I wasn't notified about and I was unhappy with how the school handled it - I would yank my kids out of that school and send them elsewhere.

RobinSparkles214 · March 2012

I'm happy to come back to this thread today and see the reactions that I have. I was straight up pissed off last night. I've never let anything get under my skin via the interwebs, but I was truly shocked at the OP.

Will we be getting another update?

I'm sure the school is having a wonderful time dealing with you OP Confused

I agree with eclaires, remove your kids from the school if you're that upset about this, not the little boy that you have drug through the mud. I hope you feel good about yourself for trying to serve justice to a 5 year old.

katie277s · March 2012

eclaires:
The other night in the bathtub, Scarlett grabbed Jackson's penis and pulled.
We filed a restraining order against her, so we're going to buy another house and live part time w/ each of them. Genius, right?
As far as the OP's situation - if it's that concerning to you, pull your kids out of the school and send them elsewhere. You weren't notified about it, you apparently think it's a big deal, so take control of the situation on your end. I guess my opinion is that if you are that horrified by what happened and how it was handled, the answer is not a restraining order and forcing the other kid out - you should get your kids out. My thought is that if I was willing to get a restraining order against a 5YO b/c of something that happened at school - something that I wasn't notified about and I was unhappy with how the school handled it - I would yank my kids out of that school and send them elsewhere.

This! If you are upset with how the school handled it, remove your kids from the school. Being the mother of 2 boys (one the same age as that boy) I would be absolutely mortified if my son did that. And he would be in for it at home. But to drag this out, place a restraining order on a child and demand he be removed from your son's class is out of line.

CubbyMama2 · March 2012

I'm wondering if the key piece of information in this story was "DH is an attorney." Maybe he sees a potential lawsuit here and is the one escalating it all? I don't know if it's even possible to get any kind of financial gain from something like this, but maybe just being in the legal profession caused him to immediately jump to legal action as the first response...

UGAbride · March 2012

OMG, my initial reaction to the original WWYD post was "I would be *mortified* if DS #1 did this, and it is not an impossibility." I of course think the little boy's actions are way out of line, and keeping him out of recess for a week is a huge deal to them at that age (and it may not seem like much, but honestly you are going to "lose" the effectiveness on a 5 year old if you take it much further...ie, it's not like you can ground them for a month, they don't have the mental maturity to understand or grasp that concept of time/discipline). We would absolutely have taken discipline measures at home as well to drive the point home. My 5 year old son can be pretty immature, and will do a lot to get a laugh from his friends. It's something we're working on with him, but it breaks my heart to think that little boy's future could be ruined at the tender age of FIVE.

An example that I can give that we had just recently is that my son attends a weekly church program on Wednesday nights, and two weeks ago when I went to pick him they pulled me aside to tell me that he had pulled his pants down in the bathroom and gone to each child singing a song about underwear and showing them his bottom. I was horrified, to say the least. He was not allowed to attend the next week (our punishment), and he lost his beloved Legos for 2 days. This week when we took him back he had to go apologize to his teachers for his behavior. As an adult, *I* know this behavior is inappropriate, so I've taken steps to teach him since he is still learning that there is a line between making his friends laugh and getting into HUGE trouble. Maybe this little boy didn't get how serious this was, and therapy might totally be in order or investigation to his home situation...but I can promise you that my 5 year old is not being abused, yet he still thought it was hilarious to show his bottom to a room full of friends at church. Thank goodess none of the other kids moms have embarrassed me further or made a big deal out of it.

Mrs.V · March 2012

UGAbride:
OMG, my initial reaction to the original WWYD post was "I would be *mortified* if DS #1 did this, and it is not an impossibility." I of course think the little boy's actions are way out of line, and keeping him out of recess for a week is a huge deal to them at that age (and it may not seem like much, but honestly you are going to "lose" the effectiveness on a 5 year old if you take it much further...ie, it's not like you can ground them for a month, they don't have the mental maturity to understand or grasp that concept of time/discipline). We would absolutely have taken discipline measures at home as well to drive the point home. My 5 year old son can be pretty immature, and will do a lot to get a laugh from his friends. It's something we're working on with him, but it breaks my heart to think that little boy's future could be ruined at the tender age of FIVE.

An example that I can give that we had just recently is that my son attends a weekly church program on Wednesday nights, and two weeks ago when I went to pick him they pulled me aside to tell me that he had pulled his pants down in the bathroom and gone to each child singing a song about underwear and showing them his bottom. I was horrified, to say the least. He was not allowed to attend the next week (our punishment), and he lost his beloved Legos for 2 days. This week when we took him back he had to go apologize to his teachers for his behavior. As an adult, *I* know this behavior is inappropriate, so I've taken steps to teach him since he is still learning that there is a line between making his friends laugh and getting into HUGE trouble. Maybe this little boy didn't get how serious this was, and therapy might totally be in order or investigation to his home situation...but I can promise you that my 5 year old is not being abused, yet he still thought it was hilarious to show his bottom to a room full of friends at church. Thank goodess none of the other kids moms have embarrassed me further or made a big deal out of it.

Very good viewpoint to add. I really hope the OP takes the time to read through these responses, to give the situation more perspective!

bebemama · March 2012

Personally, I don't think it's up to her. I think her husband calls the shots which explains the 180 from questioning her email, to involving the police. I bet she knows this is completely out of line, as any sensible mother would. Because really if she lost touch for a bit and went into mama bear mode, certainly she would have heard what we were saying and come to her senses, right? But again, I think we only heard from her on the original WWYD, the rest all her DH.

LissaLee · March 2012

Checked in yesterday, but didn't have time to re-read through the posts to see if someone already made this point, so here goes.
My opinion is that the OP doesn't like the way the school is handling the situation and is therefore using the restraining order to force the school into doing what she wants. Ruining this child's life is simply a casualty of her getting her way. If you are that concerned about both of your children and don't agree with the way the school handled the situation, find a school that better suits you, leave the kid out of it. If it came down to it and you found that the other kids was a repeat offender, then yes, you have every right to file an order of protection, but he's 5 and it's a first offense.

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