Not opening gifts? Is this a thing?

ablou · March 2012

I recently went to a co-ed "shower," that was by all appearances, a shower. Little wild animals on the invitation, registry info included on the invite, cute cake and everything at the shower.

I get there and it's more of a party, which is fine. Lots of wine, grilled food, friends, family, and fun. The host's nanny was retained for the evening to wrangle the kids (who were having as much fun as the adults)

However, the presents were all put in the front room and then put in the car without being opened.

I was, and remain, genuinely offended at this. I spent time, money, thought, and effort to find a nice present and card, wrap it, and bring it over, and they couldn't be bothered to open the presents in the presence of the guests that brought them? I felt mugged after the thing.

IMO, if they didn't want to open presents or have a "traditional" shower, it should have just been a baby celebration party or something, and registry info should have been left off.

It's almost two weeks later, and I'm sitting here, still fuming, wondering why I'm friends with such greedy @ssholes.

SoEnamored · March 2012

I think they should have opened them in front of you but I'd cut them some slack. I think that when a shower becomes co-ed and is more of a party, some people aren't sure what to do: when the timing is right to stop the partying and open gifts, if the men want to be a part of gift opening too... I'd hope that they just felt awkward about it moreso than were trying to be jerks.

Aleja0918 · March 2012

I think it's incredibly rude for the same reason you mentioned. People spent their time and money to purchase a gift. The least the parents could've done was open them and acknowledge the giver in person.

I've heard people's excuses on this board as to why they don't want to open gifts at their shower and it's just that: excuses. I don't enjoy being the center of attention but it's a small price to pay when family and friends are being so gracious to even host a shower in the first place. As for it being boring, the majority of showers I've been to have done the gift opening during the time cake or other desserts were served so people could continue to enjoy their food and chat quietly amongst themselves while the MTB opened gifts.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

Aleja0918:

I've heard people's excuses on this board as to why they don't want to open gifts at their shower and it's just that: excuses. I don't enjoy being the center of attention but it's a small price to pay when family and friends are being so gracious to even host a shower in the first place. As for it being boring, the majority of showers I've been to have done the gift opening during the time cake or other desserts were served so people could continue to enjoy their food and chat quietly amongst themselves while the MTB opened gifts.

Totally agree! And yes, OP, your post is exactly why I always say that gifts need to be opened at a shower.

G$Wifey · March 2012

I'm opting not to open gifts at my baby shower, for reasons of my own. I don't want ppl to feel obligated to bring gifts, so I don't want anyone to feel bad if they don't bring anything, thats why I mainly opted to open with hubby at home in private. I do plan to make an announcement and Thank everyone for the gifts but that I will be opening them at home with hubby and will be sending personal thank you's.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

G$Wifey:
I'm opting not to open gifts at my baby shower, for reasons of my own. I don't want ppl to feel obligated to bring gifts,

Then don't call it a "shower".

carabear80 · March 2012

I've recently heard of people have a "naked shower". When people don't want to spend the time wrapping gifts at their shower, it is requested that gifts not be wrapped. So the guest of honor can open cards and thank people but not have to unwrap the gifts too. People can still see what was received. In the invitation it is mentioned that it's better for the environment to forget the wrapping and just come to celebrate the new mom-to-be and new baby on the way.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

carabear80:
I've recently heard of people have a "naked shower". When people don't want to spend the time wrapping gifts at their shower, it is requested that gifts not be wrapped. So the guest of honor can open cards and thank people but not have to unwrap the gifts too. People can still see what was received. In the invitation it is mentioned that it's better for the environment to forget the wrapping and just come to celebrate the new mom-to-be and new baby on the way.

If the MTB truly lives a very enviromentally friendly life and this goes hand in hand w/ her and her beliefs, I coudl probably roll with it. But if it's being thrown out there just as an excuse to tell guests not to wrap their gifts - I really don't like it.

To say "don't wrap the gifts" is really right in line w/ not opening them either. It comes across as "I dont' want to be bothered" and it feels really gift grabby.

In the end, if the MTB really can't be bothered to take the time to open the gifts that people took their time and money to get, then the MTB shoudln't have a shower! If you want a shower, then you need to be prepared for all the trappings of a shower.

NJbaby2012 · March 2012

I think a party/shower like this is cool but only if people know it's going to be like that..more party..less ooo and ahh over baby gift openings.

You probably would have put less into your girft, I would have probably just gave money if it was me and I knew about it.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

G$Wifey:
I don't want anyone to feel bad if they don't bring anything,

I also dont' really understand your logic. These people are coming to a shower, which is a gift giving event. You don't want to upset the few (if any) people who don't bring a gift, but you have no problem upsetting many people who took time and money to buy you something for your baby.

Hmmm....???

FemShep · March 2012

Yes! Thank you for posting this, OP! Maybe there'll be a few less "Can I not open gifts at my shower?" questions now.

nawlinsgrl · March 2012

I've got a new wrinkle to add to this conversation. I am more of a traditionalist, i.e., believe in opening the gifts at the shower, even though I don't enjoy the attention, as others have mentioned. However, my friends who are throwing the shower feel otherwise.

They feel like it takes a lot of time and no one our age really cares/gets bored by this part (this will be a party for just people our age, none of my or DH's friends, other than our moms and one close family friend). Basically, they aren't planning to set aside time for this activity, and I don't feel like I am in a place to dictate the rules/activities of someone else's event, even if it is for me.

I'm curious if someone else has run into this issue.

CraftyKayla · March 2012

I'd be pissed. That's so rude.

Cranang · March 2012

G$Wifey:
I'm opting not to open gifts at my baby shower, for reasons of my own. I don't want ppl to feel obligated to bring gifts, so I don't want anyone to feel bad if they don't bring anything, thats why I mainly opted to open with hubby at home in private. I do plan to make an announcement and Thank everyone for the gifts but that I will be opening them at home with hubby and will be sending personal thank you's.

They're coming to a SHOWER. Who wouldn't bring a gift? That's what a shower is: A party to take gifts to the MTB...every idiot knows this.

I, too, remember your post on this, and you're just justifying your rude behavior. It's tacky and no amount of false altruism changes that.

Cranang · March 2012

nawlinsgrl:

I've got a new wrinkle to add to this conversation. I am more of a traditionalist, i.e., believe in opening the gifts at the shower, even though I don't enjoy the attention, as others have mentioned. However, my friends who are throwing the shower feel otherwise.

They feel like it takes a lot of time and no one our age really cares/gets bored by this part (this will be a party for just people our age, none of my or DH's friends, other than our moms and one close family friend). Basically, they aren't planning to set aside time for this activity, and I don't feel like I am in a place to dictate the rules/activities of someone else's event, even if it is for me.

I'm curious if someone else has run into this issue.

I would put my foot down on this one and tactfully explain that it makes you extremely uncomfortable to skip the gift opening. Explain that maybe no one else your age really cares, but that you do and you don't want to offend anyone who might feel the same as you.

Or hijack the party and just pick a time during your shower to sit down and open the gifts. You don't need their permission, even if they are throwing it for you.

punkrockabye · March 2012

My shower is a casual co-ed get together that will be like a regular family gathering. I hate being the center of attention. Like, really hate. And I'll still open presents in front of anyone who wants to watch. Even as a kid I hated opening presents in front of anyone, but it's rude not to.

If I'm a gift giver I hate wrapping gifts because I always have to waste money on an entire roll of paper that I don't already have and it will all just get thrown away. I'd be kind of relieved if someone told me not to wrap, but most people do want to wrap so there's no way I'll demand unwrapped gifts.

ryry1977 · March 2012

I haven't been to one yet that they haven't done the gifts at the shower. I think it is rude too if they don't open the presents while you are together.

Liz4444 · March 2012

Thank you OP, I you. Unfortunately, rude people are always going to try and justiify why it is ok for them to be rude.

theboki · March 2012

I agree they should have opened the gifts, but think your reaction (OP) is a little extreme. You're still fuming two weeks later? Seriously?? Time to let go of the anger. There are worse things that could have happened.

EastCoastBride · March 2012

nawlinsgrl:

They feel like it takes a lot of time and no one our age really cares/gets bored by this part (this will be a party for just people our age, none of my or DH's friends, other than our moms and one close family friend).

Other than seeing your gift opened, is the gift opening exciting? Eh, not really. But... most showers I've been to, there is music in the background and everyone talks and chitchats throughout, and it's a nice time. (I went to one shower where there was no music and it was deathly silent and so no one talked - they didn't want to be "that person", so we literally all just stared at the MTB and it was BORING).

Serve dessert part way through to keep things going!

I do think even younger people like seeing their gift opened.

sda6485 · March 2012

If people are so not wanting to be "the center of attention" then why is it that when someone offers to throw you a shower -- YES YOU, THE MTB, you say yes?? I'd be less than impressed going to a baby shower for a friend/family member and spending my time and money on picking out your gift, wrapping it, and getting just as equally excited for you as everyone else that you are close enough with to have there and then nothing? While some people don't get excited to watch others open their gifts, I do. I think that's the best part. Seeing the happiness on their face and seeing how genuinely thankful they are. I sure as heck don't go for the god awful games or mediocre food lol

With that being said - I was invited to a shower where the girl asked for the presents not to wrapped -- she's not green AT ALL and had just had a child 1.5 years before that one and it was the same sex again .. I went. I figured she'd obviously needed it BUT I wrapped the h*ll out of my present with an entire roll of wrapping paper and I sat there and watched her open it lol

Sorry but if you're not going to open presents don't give it a name that involves gift giving of any sort. That's all.

allisonmarie22 · March 2012

I never considered not opening gifts at my shower. Unfortunately there were about 70 people there and the gift opening (which really was me ripping wrapping paper off and moving onto the next thing as quickly as possible because people were visibly bored and irritated) took about 2.5 hours. I'm still pissy at my MIL for inviting that many people. It really was a harrowing experience (especially considering I only knew about 20 of the 70 attendees).

I personally wouldn't be offended if I didn't get to see the MTB open my gift IF and only IF I received a nice, personal, handwritten thank you note in a very timely manner. Otherwise, that person would likely never see another gift from me.

mollybloom · March 2012

If it is called a shower, if you have advertised your registry and you don't open yuour gifts in front of your guests you are one classless broad.

There is no excuse for that kind of behavior.

sadeathe · March 2012

I really don't understand why people get all upset by them not opening the gifts at the party. At weddings, the gifts aren't opened (at least not any that I've been to) and I really don't see how this is any different. I wouldn't be hurt if I went to a shower and the mtb didn't open the gifts.

I would compare a baby shower to the wedding reception. Both have food and traditions.

Can you explain to me how it is different?

Lambtown · March 2012

Personally, it seemed obvious to me to do it after my shower. I find that for a lot of people - especially childless ones, which the majority of my friends are - the actual "baby stuff" aspect of the shower can be a bit tedious and boring. They obviously love me, and will love my baby, and want to celebrate the moment, but if I can make that celebration as personally tailored to what MY loved ones consider a good afternoon of fun, that's what I want to do. And while some people might love the idea of looking at lots of baby stuff for a while (and no disrespect to people who love that stuff), my friends and family aren't really the type. I actually consider it a real sign of love that they're actually going out shopping for baby stuff! How about at the shower, we try to make it as fun as possible, right? Plus, I figure if we open the gifts later, my mom and MIL can have all the ooh-ing and ahh-ing to themselves because, let's face it, no one is going to be more excited about onesies than those two. I also think, in terms of "etiquette", that while it's fine to know what is traditionally considered acceptable, that the best bet is always to make your own plan and do what's right for you, so long as your decisions come from a place of respect, love and consideration for yourself and the people you care about. A bunch of antiquated rules of conduct may or may not have anything to do with that. And in this case, that's exactly what I feel I'm doing: making a choice about my shower that best fits the mood of a gather of my friends and family so that we have the best time possible in celebrating our new addition.

ablou · March 2012

Well, if you're comparing events, a baby shower would be akin to a bridal shower, and the actual BIRTH to a wedding. Nobody expects the mom to be opening gifts in the stirrups or after the best man gives his speech, but at a gift-giving party, the gifts should be opened.

BallSox · March 2012

Bridal showers prepare a woman to become a bride at the event called a wedding. A wedding reception is a party to celebrate the event called a wedding.

Baby showers prepare a woman to become a mother and to welcome her first baby at an event called birth. A welcome baby party/sip n see/what have you is a party to celebrate the event called birth.

Bridal showers=baby showers (Gift giving events, showering the guest of honor with support of all types: moral, mental, wisdom, financial, material)

Weddings = births (Important life changing events of a non-gift centric nature)

Wedding receptions = Meet the baby party (Celebrations honoring the act of the life-changing event occurring successfully. May or may not include gifts, left to the giver to decide as such).

For everyone comparing baby showers to birthday parties, if anything, a birthday party would be compared best to a wedding reception/meet the baby party because you're celebrating the fact that an event occurred successfully. The event in this case would be a healthy and complete additional year of life.

ablou · March 2012

Lambtown:
Personally, it seemed obvious to me to do it after my shower. I find that for a lot of people - especially childless ones, which the majority of my friends are - the actual "baby stuff" aspect of the shower can be a bit tedious and boring. They obviously love me, and will love my baby, and want to celebrate the moment, but if I can make that celebration as personally tailored to what MY loved ones consider a good afternoon of fun, that's what I want to do. And while some people might love the idea of looking at lots of baby stuff for a while (and no disrespect to people who love that stuff), my friends and family aren't really the type. I actually consider it a real sign of love that they're actually going out shopping for baby stuff! How about at the shower, we try to make it as fun as possible, right? Plus, I figure if we open the gifts later, my mom and MIL can have all the ooh-ing and ahh-ing to themselves because, let's face it, no one is going to be more excited about onesies than those two. I also think, in terms of "etiquette", that while it's fine to know what is traditionally considered acceptable, that the best bet is always to make your own plan and do what's right for you, so long as your decisions come from a place of respect, love and consideration for yourself and the people you care about. A bunch of antiquated rules of conduct may or may not have anything to do with that. And in this case, that's exactly what I feel I'm doing: making a choice about my shower that best fits the mood of a gather of my friends and family so that we have the best time possible in celebrating our new addition.

You forgot the part where you take all of the joy out of giving a gift, and just act like a gift-grabbing spoiled child that just wants to party.

jfrangoulis · March 2012

For our wives double baby shower we were the entertainment. I recomend this to anyone. We were dressed up as babies with a LMFAO twist. check out the video:

https://youtu.be/RKn3aPNB9zI 

Lambtown · March 2012

ablou:
Lambtown:
Personally, it seemed obvious to me to do it after my shower. I find that for a lot of people - especially childless ones, which the majority of my friends are - the actual "baby stuff" aspect of the shower can be a bit tedious and boring. They obviously love me, and will love my baby, and want to celebrate the moment, but if I can make that celebration as personally tailored to what MY loved ones consider a good afternoon of fun, that's what I want to do. And while some people might love the idea of looking at lots of baby stuff for a while (and no disrespect to people who love that stuff), my friends and family aren't really the type. I actually consider it a real sign of love that they're actually going out shopping for baby stuff! How about at the shower, we try to make it as fun as possible, right?
Plus, I figure if we open the gifts later, my mom and MIL can have all the ooh-ing and ahh-ing to themselves because, let's face it, no one is going to be more excited about onesies than those two.
I also think, in terms of "etiquette", that while it's fine to know what is traditionally considered acceptable, that the best bet is always to make your own plan and do what's right for you, so long as your decisions come from a place of respect, love and consideration for yourself and the people you care about. A bunch of antiquated rules of conduct may or may not have anything to do with that. And in this case, that's exactly what I feel I'm doing: making a choice about my shower that best fits the mood of a gather of my friends and family so that we have the best time possible in celebrating our new addition.

You forgot the part where you take all of the joy out of giving a gift, and just act like a gift-grabbing spoiled child that just wants to party.

I assure you, my friends and family will feel a lot more "gift giving joy" if i dont make them sit through hours of gift opening and force them to act like they care about breast pumps when they don't. I'm not saying that some people don't care - a lot do and that's great - but I know my friends and I promise you, they would be so much happier with an afternoon of spending time together, not looking at baby clothes, and receiving a thoughtful, personally, funny thank you card after the fact.

I know my friends and in appreciation for their generosity, I'm trying to give them an afternoon that we can ALL enjoy. I would think that making them sit through ME opening a bunch of presents is infinitely more "greedy" than that.

Aleja0918 · March 2012

Lambtown:
ablou:
Lambtown:
Personally, it seemed obvious to me to do it after my shower. I find that for a lot of people - especially childless ones, which the majority of my friends are - the actual "baby stuff" aspect of the shower can be a bit tedious and boring. They obviously love me, and will love my baby, and want to celebrate the moment, but if I can make that celebration as personally tailored to what MY loved ones consider a good afternoon of fun, that's what I want to do. And while some people might love the idea of looking at lots of baby stuff for a while (and no disrespect to people who love that stuff), my friends and family aren't really the type. I actually consider it a real sign of love that they're actually going out shopping for baby stuff! How about at the shower, we try to make it as fun as possible, right?
Plus, I figure if we open the gifts later, my mom and MIL can have all the ooh-ing and ahh-ing to themselves because, let's face it, no one is going to be more excited about onesies than those two.
I also think, in terms of "etiquette", that while it's fine to know what is traditionally considered acceptable, that the best bet is always to make your own plan and do what's right for you, so long as your decisions come from a place of respect, love and consideration for yourself and the people you care about. A bunch of antiquated rules of conduct may or may not have anything to do with that. And in this case, that's exactly what I feel I'm doing: making a choice about my shower that best fits the mood of a gather of my friends and family so that we have the best time possible in celebrating our new addition.

You forgot the part where you take all of the joy out of giving a gift, and just act like a gift-grabbing spoiled child that just wants to party.

I assure you, my friends and family will feel a lot more "gift giving joy" if i dont make them sit through hours of gift opening and force them to act like they care about breast pumps when they don't. I'm not saying that some people don't care - a lot do and that's great - but I know my friends and I promise you, they would be so much happier with an afternoon of spending time together, not looking at baby clothes, and receiving a thoughtful, personally, funny thank you card after the fact.
I know my friends and in appreciation for their generosity, I'm trying to give them an afternoon that we can ALL enjoy. I would think that making them sit through ME opening a bunch of presents is infinitely more "greedy" than that.

That's what they're there for, though. I'm sure by the time people become adults, they know exactly what a shower entails. If you just wanted to celebrate friends and family, you shouldn't have called it a shower and then people wouldn't have had to bring you a gift.

eav2c · March 2012

I cannot believe that people even entertain the idea of not opening gifts at a shower. All of the showers I've been to, it's the highlight of the entire gathering. Everyone sits around, oh's and ah's, talks to other guests, and just relaxes. Sure, it might get a little boring. But, that's what a shower is!! If you don't want the gifts or don't want to open them--have a Meet the Baby. I would be highly offended if my gift wasn't opened at a shower. How efffin' gift grabby can you get? Sorry, if I had to sit there and open them, I assure you, you can too. I'm the shyest person to exist when it comes to receiving gifts and tend to be awkward. I'm betting though that there would have been very pissed off shower go'ers if I didn't open them though.

Please, if you cannot practice ettiquite appropriately, just don't have a shower. I'm NO ettiquite queen by any means but when it comes to something like this--why rock the boat? You will piss people off.

rhubarb123 · March 2012

OK...I have been to many, many showers and hosted many as well. They all included opening the gifts. It is expected.

I can not believe the amount of excuses I have read on this board NOT to open gifts. If you don't want to open gifts for ANY reason then DON'T call it a SHOWER! Pure and simple.

If you are shy...so what? Put your big girl panties on and deal with it. If there are just too many gifts...so what? Move along quickly. Seriously, I have been to showers with 70 people and it does not take 2 1/2 hours to open gifts (thinking exaggeration here for sure). If your firends and family don't like the gift opening...then don't ask them to bring gifts (don't call it a shower). Even though some women don't have children...they might someday and actually learn something. If YOU don't like gift opening for ANY reason...don't call it a shower. If you don't want people to wrap the gifts...oh well that is NOT your call (they are the one spending the money). BTW...the gift I give will ALWAYS be wrapped. I am not green...even if you are...don't dictate to me that I must be as well. A shower (of any kind) cannot be compared to a wedding since showers are "gift giving events" and weddings are not. It is not required for guests to bring gifts for a wedding or a birthday party for that matter.

I really think that mature adults (women for sure) know that gifts will be opened at a baby shower and will expect it. I would be mad as well if my gift wasn't opened and seriously would request that it was before I left. If the MTB actually told me "no, I will open it later" after I ask her to open it then that would be the last gift she ever received from me.

BTW...I think almost all the thank you cards I get are pretty generic (even if they mention the gift specifically). After writing so many (and getting so many) they all start sounding the same. At least to me. The thank you card would not make up for the fact the MTB did not open my gift at the shower. I like to SEE their expression when they open their gift (even if it is the 10th receiving blanket they get)! Can't see expressions in a thank you card. KWIM?

526SadieSadie · March 2012

Cranang:
nawlinsgrl:

I've got a new wrinkle to add to this conversation. I am more of a traditionalist, i.e., believe in opening the gifts at the shower, even though I don't enjoy the attention, as others have mentioned. However, my friends who are throwing the shower feel otherwise.

They feel like it takes a lot of time and no one our age really cares/gets bored by this part (this will be a party for just people our age, none of my or DH's friends, other than our moms and one close family friend). Basically, they aren't planning to set aside time for this activity, and I don't feel like I am in a place to dictate the rules/activities of someone else's event, even if it is for me.

I'm curious if someone else has run into this issue.

I would put my foot down on this one and tactfully explain that it makes you extremely uncomfortable to skip the gift opening. Explain that maybe no one else your age really cares, but that you do and you don't want to offend anyone who might feel the same as you.

Or hijack the party and just pick a time during your shower to sit down and open the gifts. You don't need their permission, even if they are throwing it for you.

Agreed. The party, (at least the gift opening part) is about you and the baby, not the constant entertainment of the guests. Yes, watching someone else open presents can be tedious but that's part of the shower experience. I wonder what they plan on having time seta aside for instead of opening presents - if its five more party games, I'd rather watch a MTB open presents,

Cranang · March 2012

526SadieSadie:
Cranang:
nawlinsgrl:

I've got a new wrinkle to add to this conversation. I am more of a traditionalist, i.e., believe in opening the gifts at the shower, even though I don't enjoy the attention, as others have mentioned. However, my friends who are throwing the shower feel otherwise.

They feel like it takes a lot of time and no one our age really cares/gets bored by this part (this will be a party for just people our age, none of my or DH's friends, other than our moms and one close family friend). Basically, they aren't planning to set aside time for this activity, and I don't feel like I am in a place to dictate the rules/activities of someone else's event, even if it is for me.

I'm curious if someone else has run into this issue.

I would put my foot down on this one and tactfully explain that it makes you extremely uncomfortable to skip the gift opening. Explain that maybe no one else your age really cares, but that you do and you don't want to offend anyone who might feel the same as you.

Or hijack the party and just pick a time during your shower to sit down and open the gifts. You don't need their permission, even if they are throwing it for you.

Agreed. The party, (at least the gift opening part) is about you and the baby, not the constant entertainment of the guests. Yes, watching someone else open presents can be tedious but that's part of the shower experience. I wonder what they plan on having time seta aside for instead of opening presents - if its five more party games, I'd rather watch a MTB open presents,

Preach it sister. I couldn't agree with that statement more.

AprilDrew04 · March 2012

ablou:
Well, if you're comparing events, a baby shower would be akin to a bridal shower, and the actual BIRTH to a wedding. Nobody expects the mom to be opening gifts in the stirrups or after the best man gives his speech, but at a gift-giving party, the gifts should be opened.

Completely agree with this. Really people if it is a gift giving even, i.e. shower, open the gifts!

theboki · March 2012

allisonmarie22:
I never considered not opening gifts at my shower. Unfortunately there were about 70 people there and the gift opening (which really was me ripping wrapping paper off and moving onto the next thing as quickly as possible because people were visibly bored and irritated) took about 2.5 hours. I'm still pissy at my MIL for inviting that many people. It really was a harrowing experience (especially considering I only knew about 20 of the 70 attendees).

Oh god, this is my fear too. I think serving dessert then is a great idea. And keep those drinks flowing!

sda6485 · March 2012

BallSox:
Bridal showers prepare a woman to become a bride at the event called a wedding. A wedding reception is a party to celebrate the event called a wedding.
Baby showers prepare a woman to become a mother and to welcome her first baby at an event called birth. A welcome baby party/sip n see/what have you is a party to celebrate the event called birth.
Bridal showers=baby showers (Gift giving events, showering the guest of honor with support of all types: moral, mental, wisdom, financial, material)
Weddings = births (Important life changing events of a non-gift centric nature)
Wedding receptions = Meet the baby party (Celebrations honoring the act of the life-changing event occurring successfully. May or may not include gifts, left to the giver to decide as such).
For everyone comparing baby showers to birthday parties, if anything, a birthday party would be compared best to a wedding reception/meet the baby party because you're celebrating the fact that an event occurred successfully. The event in this case would be a healthy and complete additional year of life.

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE WITH ANY STATEMENT IN THIS ENTIRE THREAD!!

MommaTracey · March 2012

I just posted in another post about this. I'm pretty blown away by how testy people can get with throwing their opinions around on these threads. We're individual moms with different opinions. No need to be RUDE to one another.

I am 41 and have attended SO many showers in my life. I have ALWAYS hated the present opening. I have always felt that if I've seen the registry, I know what's in most of the gifts.

Now that I'm about to have a shower, I would prefer to not open the gifts but I do also know that people (such as many on this board) find it rude and some even look forward to it (so foreign to me) so I DO intend to open the presents. I am not looking to offend any of my generous and thoughtful friends or family.

But if everyone was fine with me not opening them, I would happily go that route and instead spend more time socializing with my friends and family who I cherish.

imimahoney · March 2012

sadeathe:
I really don't understand why people get all upset by them not opening the gifts at the party. At weddings, the gifts aren't opened (at least not any that I've been to) and I really don't see how this is any different. I wouldn't be hurt if I went to a shower and the mtb didn't open the gifts.
I would compare a baby shower to the wedding reception. Both have food and traditions.
Can you explain to me how it is different?

Because weddings are actually not gift giving occasions. Yes, almost everyone gives a gift but it's not the same thing.

And besides, I only received checks at my wedding. Opening checks and calling out amounts is not the same thing as opening a package of baby clothes.

BallSox · March 2012

MommaTracey:
I just posted in another post about this. I'm pretty blown away by how testy people can get with throwing their opinions around on these threads. We're individual moms with different opinions. No need to be RUDE to one another.

I am 41 and have attended SO many showers in my life. I have ALWAYS hated the present opening. I have always felt that if I've seen the registry, I know what's in most of the gifts.

Now that I'm about to have a shower, I would prefer to not open the gifts but I do also know that people (such as many on this board) find it rude and some even look forward to it (so foreign to me) so I DO intend to open the presents. I am not looking to offend any of my generous and thoughtful friends or family.

But if everyone was fine with me not opening them, I would happily go that route and instead spend more time socializing with my friends and family who I cherish.

Well naturally, we're all gift-centric and want all of the attention from the people we don't cherish.

To me it's kind of like going to a movie or a hockey game and texting all the way through it. You go to a movie to watch a movie. You go to a hockey game to watch hockey. If you don't want to watch hockey, stay home. You go to a shower knowing you're going to have cake and punch while ooooo-ing and ahhhh-ing over identical packages of wipes and onesies.

Before you're a mom, you go because you're super excited to be "Aunt Ballsox" and get to all of the fun baby stuff with your friend. Staying off-registry, you buy all of the cute and frilly outfits because you're living vicariously through your friend and her pregnancy.

If you're ttc and just started, you go, mentally taking notes of how you'll never drink caffeine when you're pregnant (shame on the mom to be!) and adding items to your registry. You make mental notes of shower decor and decide that you simply MUST have a shower in pink and brown if it's a girl and blue and yellow if it's a boy. Odds are you follow her registry to the letter because it's what you'd want someone to do for your (hopefully soon) shower.

If you're ttc and IF, you either don't go and send a gift with regrets or you go because you feel obligated, but you spend the whole time casually leaving conversations when the subject of pregnancy and you realize the "when are you going to start having kids?" question is on the horizon. Odds are you are loathing being there, are secretly jealous and are trying as hard as you can to be supportive for your friend without breaking down into a hysterical and hormonal mess. You likely didn't buy something off the registry because it's probably from BRU and no one wants to actually go INTO that store. You've likely given her a gift card from someplace non-baby specific like Target, Walmart or JCPenny.

Once you're a mom, you go knowing you're secretly laughing at the naivety and wide-eyed excitement of the mom to be while nodding solemnly and encouraging her in the whole "My baby will never use a paci" and "Only fully organic food and clothing and skin care items will touch her delicate skin" and "I'm going to sleep train my baby because she needs to learn to live on our schedule". Odds are you don't buy off the registry because over half the stuff the m2b registered for are things no one ever needs (wipe warmers anyone?) or you've substituted something that you know works far better. If you are at all practical, you've just given her a club-sized pack of diapers.

Want a personalized experience?

Not opening gifts? Is this a thing?

Re: Not opening gifts? Is this a thing?

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