Self Soothing

lalyssalou · March 2012

DS is 17 days old. He wakes up three times a night and stays awake for 1-2 hours each time. I get up, feed him, cuddle him, and change him- it's exhausting! I have to fight to stay awake myself to get him back to sleep. DH says it's making me grouchy and I should let DS CIO or he'll get the idea that he can fuss and get anything he wants. I've told DH that DS is too young to CIO and that there is no way to spoil a newborn or to teach him selfish habits, but I have no idea what to tell DH when he counter acts with "so at what age DO you let him CIO?"

So at what age is it appropriate to let a child CIO?

On a related, self-soothing question, how do I know if DS is hungry or just wants to suck? He seems to spit up a lot, so we are concerned that he just wants to suck and we're giving him a bottle which causes him to over eat. Should we put a pacifier in his mouth, and if he spits it out/cries more, offer the bottle? We use expressed breast milk, so it's not an issue with formula, and we use preemie nipples, so it's not too fast of a flow. Or is the spitting up entirely unrelated to how much he's consuming?

jesselayne8 · March 2012

CIO is not appropriate until the baby is 4-6 months. You cannot spoil a 17 day old baby. It is also normal for a baby that age to wake a couple of times per night.

lauti · March 2012

Your DH sounds like a douche, your baby is only 2.5 weeks old, so yeah CIO isn't an option.

Most will say at least 4 months for CIO, some will say longer, some will say never. Just depends on your parenting style. But, they have no concept of self-sooting before AT LEAST 4 months.

And try a pacifier.

OregonPachey · March 2012

CIO is usually not recommended until at least four months.

Some spit up is normal. How many ounces is LO getting? Between 19 and 25 ounces of BM is normal. More than that and you might be overfeeding. I would definitely try a pacifier.

Lag8521 · March 2012

IF HE IS SPITTING UP A LOT AND SEEMS UPSET/WITH A STOMACH ACHE HE MAY HAVE SOME REFLUX. MOST BABIES WITH REFLUX DONT HAVE ANY DISCOMFORT WITH IT AND ITS JUST CONSIDERED REFLUX--SOME HAVE ACID REFLUX WHICH IS DIFFERENT AND DOES HURT. YOU MIGHT TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT THAT AND HIS SLEEPING HABITS. THAT YOUNG HE SHOULDNT BE STAYING UP THAT LONG THAT MANY TIMES A NIGHT EVEN IF HE DOES HAVE HIS DAYS AND NIGHTS MIXED UP. SORRY THIS IS IN ALL CSPS, I COULDNT GET IT TO TURN OFF..

Lena122 · March 2012

If I think DS has had enough to eat or if he seems hungry not long after a feeding I'll give him a paci. If he spits it out and continues to fuss than I know he's hungry. A little spit up is normal. A lot of spit up probably means he ate too much.

christinbeatrice · March 2012

lauti:
Your DH sounds like a douche, your baby is only 2.5 weeks old, so yeah CIO isn't an option.
Most will say at least 4 months for CIO, some will say longer, some will say never. Just depends on your parenting style. But, they have no concept of self-sooting before AT LEAST 4 months.
And try a pacifier.

That was harsh!

OP: I could have written this myself. My DH & I had the same conversation two days ago.

(Background for people throwing the douche word around: MH has NEVER been around a baby. He's an only child with no cousins & such, me on the other hand has grown up with 3 younger siblings & my mom is a daycare provider in home since I was a baby. We went to all the baby & birth classes, but there's so much both of us forgot.)

So to say the least my DH is new to all this. And has been AMAZING so far with my little guy, he's changed 75% of the diapers & constantly grabs me stuff when I'm feeding or pumping. But the LO has began only wanting to be held to sleep (my fault! - I like cuddling with him). So MH suggested that we needed to let him CIO in his bassinet & I had to explain not till he was AT LEAST 4 months. MH doesn't understand, but he'll respect it - hopefully when you tell yours a little more information he will respect your wishes also.

For your situation, I'd say cut out the bottle & try a paci. We use a paci & haven't had a problem with confusion. Except for me being confused, I never know if he wants to nurse or the paci, so I always offer him to nurse first & he's VERY obvious once he begins nursing if that's not what he wants, so we give him the paci. He usually rejects & gags at the paci first, but once he realizes that it's not producing milk, he will suck, suck, suck until it accidentally falls out.

When it comes to your night schedule, it'll get better! He'll become quicker with his routine.

Another idea, maybe change before feeding, so that way you don't rewake him up with the cold air, but if he's anything like mine he poo's while he eats. But if he falls asleep while eating, I let him stay dirty until he wakes up on his own. (People might think that's bad of me, but it works for us).

Rsoc23 · March 2012

christinbeatrice:
lauti:
Your DH sounds like a douche, your baby is only 2.5 weeks old, so yeah CIO isn't an option.
Most will say at least 4 months for CIO, some will say longer, some will say never. Just depends on your parenting style. But, they have no concept of self-sooting before AT LEAST 4 months.
And try a pacifier.
That was harsh!
OP: I could have written this myself. My DH & I had the same conversation two days ago.
(Background for people throwing the douche word around: MH has NEVER been around a baby. He's an only child with no cousins & such, me on the other hand has grown up with 3 younger siblings & my mom is a daycare provider in home since I was a baby. We went to all the baby & birth classes, but there's so much both of us forgot.)
So to say the least my DH is new to all this. And has been AMAZING so far with my little guy, he's changed 75% of the diapers & constantly grabs me stuff when I'm feeding or pumping. But the LO has began only wanting to be held to sleep (my fault! - I like cuddling with him). So MH suggested that we needed to let him CIO in his bassinet & I had to explain not till he was AT LEAST 4 months. MH doesn't understand, but he'll respect it - hopefully when you tell yours a little more information he will respect your wishes also.
For your situation, I'd say cut out the bottle & try a paci. We use a paci & haven't had a problem with confusion. Except for me being confused, I never know if he wants to nurse or the paci, so I always offer him to nurse first & he's VERY obvious once he begins nursing if that's not what he wants, so we give him the paci. He usually rejects & gags at the paci first, but once he realizes that it's not producing milk, he will suck, suck, suck until it accidentally falls out.
When it comes to your night schedule, it'll get better! He'll become quicker with his routine.
Another idea, maybe change before feeding, so that way you don't rewake him up with the cold air, but if he's anything like mine he poo's while he eats. But if he falls asleep while eating, I let him stay dirty until he wakes up on his own. (People might think that's bad of me, but it works for us).

Agreed that douche is a little harsh--FTD need to learn too; they have never done this before either. Many of them go by what their mothers tell them (most of which is outdated).

To the PP-just a suggestion to help (no judging here), if you wait for LO to wake up on his own before changing a dirty diaper you may want to use diaper cream before bed as a preventative measure. We do and, so far, it has worked!

SunnyD2011 · March 2012

We won't be using CIO. Check out the NCSS.

MollySm · March 2012

I agree that it's too early for CIO (I've always read 12 - 16 weeks, so 3ish - 4ish months). We use a pacifier, and she will often take it if she just wants to suck, but will push back or spit it out if she's actually hungry.

We also swaddle her tightly so she can't move her arms around, which helps her stay asleep. Otherwise she will startle and that wakes her up. She wears a hat too, because she sleeps better when warm, and if we're not holding her, that helps her be warm enough.

mollybloom · March 2012

Most babes don't learn to self-soothe until 4-6 months. To think of CIO before then is cruel. If your husband doesn't get that, have hime read one of the many books that he had nine months to read.

FTD does not mean that it is okay for dads to have done no learning.

jayleigh68 · March 2012

mollybloom:
Most babes don't learn to self-soothe until 4-6 months. To think of CIO before then is cruel. If your husband doesn't get that, have hime read one of the many books that he had nine months to read.

FTD does not mean that it is okay for dads to have done no learning.

Jeez Louise. Parenting is a never ending learning process. Did you never have any questions? OP simply asked when it was ok to start trying it out. She knows it isn't ok for a newborn. And big deal that her DH isn't knowledgable on the subject. Most of us aren't until we ask the question.

Jen0204 · March 2012

Have your H take over a feeding session. If your breastfeeding you could pump enough for one feeding and that way he could take care of it and you could get some sleep.

Lena122 · March 2012

jayleigh68:
mollybloom:
Most babes don't learn to self-soothe until 4-6 months. To think of CIO before then is cruel. If your husband doesn't get that, have hime read one of the many books that he had nine months to read.

FTD does not mean that it is okay for dads to have done no learning.
Jeez Louise. Parenting is a never ending learning process. Did you never have any questions? OP simply asked when it was ok to start trying it out. She knows it isn't ok for a newborn. And big deal that her DH isn't knowledgable on the subject. Most of us aren't until we ask the question.

Seriously since when is every first (or second or third) time parent supposed to have all the answers? And all of the answers aren't always in print.

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