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Anyone follow Fascinating Womanhood principles?
Just curious....I'm doing some reading about it and thinking about how / if it would work for my marriage...
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Re: Anyone follow Fascinating Womanhood principles?
I googled it.
Barf.
Yes, every single night and day. I believe it is the duty of every woman to do so also.
Anyone who disagrees is quite simply, an idiot.
OMFG.
Good GOD no. Are you serious? If your marriage somehow requires you to follow these principals it means your husband is a dink.
Yeah conway, is that before or after I get home from work?
I should tidy and let him decompress huh? Put his feet up, give him a little shoulder massage and let him play WoW while I put on some heels and make up and then fix his supper ever so womanly like?
It's 2008. And thank God i don't have an asinine chauvinist loser as a husband.
I googled it too. The "snapshot" I read made me feel like it would be an extreme principle that probably wouldn't work for us. However, I do feel like working on your marriage is important and have found that traditional values work in our marriage. I found this book to be helpful to me:
https://www.amazon.com/Politically-Incorrect-Wife-Marriage-Still/dp/1590521102/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1227499632&sr=8-1
I even like some of the Dr. Laura books if I take parts of them with a large grain of salt
Yeah, I think that part about having the house and kids perfectly clean, yourself all primped up and meeting him at the door with a drink and then giving him time to relax is the most famous part of the book - it definitely reads VERY 50s housewifeish....I work so there'd be no way I'd be able to do that even IF I wanted to.....
I was more intrigued by some of the ideas like accepting husband as he is (even his annoying points) rather than trying to change him can actually result in him trying on his own to be a better person for you. Or the idea that men's biggest need is admiration so it can really help strengthen and solidify your marriage if you make more of an effort to "admire" (sincerely - not fake admiration for things you don't really admire!) your husband regularly and let him know.
I was just curious if anyone on here is a believer in the whole concept!
No Amajane, because you are not as important as him. Always remember your place.
HOnestly this shit is really just sad to me. I can only take it for so long before I want to weep. I'd die if I raised a daughter to ever feel she needed to be this way to please a man.
Lanie, wow, I was simply responding to her post. As a SAHM, I just think it's nice to change out of my spit up covered shirt, clean up a Avery's toys a little bit, and give him fifteen minutes to chill after work. My DH doesn't expect that from me at all. It is just something that I do because I know he appreciates it. He is a very visual person, and coming home to a total mess is stressful for him, and I love it when he comes home and says, "Wow, the house looks great!" or "You look nice." I don't think there is harm in that, and I don't think that it's fair for you to assume that my husband is a pig. ??
Again, I ask you, how would that work with a working mom? I come home before him. Do I tidy up, change out of my work clothes into a fresh new outfit, do up my hair, make him dinner and scrub the house?
I agree with you. I toss out all the "your work is your home, you must be perfect all the time crap" and keep the other parts of these books that make sense to me.
I want to reread the feminine mystique. "Vacuuming in pearls makes me pretty and clean. Vacuuming in pearls makes me happy and fulfilled. Vacuuming in pearls makes a happy wife and happy life!"
I am convinced that if I had to live like that i'd stick my head in an oven a la Sylvia Plath.
See now I picture you, Lanie, as more of a Virginia Woolf, walk into the sea kind of gal.
With a dress full of heavy rocks?
DEFINITELY! Thank you.
And no conway, you're just not thinking of the ramifications of that kind of thinking on women who work outside of the home. Supporting each other and being mutually respectful and helpful is not what that book is about.
Very well said. We had gotten to the point in our relationship (before we were even married but had lived together for several years) where we were just sitting around waiting on the other one to make an effort. It always felt like we were having to "keep score" to make sure each of us gave/did exactly 50%. When I chose to make the effort first and started doing the things you mentioned above, he responded and started doing things to show how much he appreciated and loved me too. It became so that we were both giving 100% and our relationship dramatically improved.
Gotta go to bed now. Having sex in pearls makes me happy and fulfilled
LOL @ kama sutra brahim.
i found that watching a little porn with the hubby does wonders too.
he was in a good mood all weekend.
don't have time to look now, just want to save this thead. thanks!
*I'm about to get flamed and I don't care.*
I've read the book several times and I don't really think that it's totally off base. If you're going to take it seriously and apply it to your relationship, then you have to put it into context for today. It was obviously written at a different time and our time is extremely different.
There is something to be said for making your husband feel like a MAN and not blurring relationship roles. Think of it this way: your husband is the head of the house, but you are the neck that turns it. You don't have to be submissive by being stepped all over and not having a say in your relationship, but it is a natural need of men to want to be the leader. So, let him make the final decisions, but give your input. If you try to be the controlling person, you'll only be met with resistance. If you voice your concerns and let him know that you have faith that he will come to the best solution for your family, believe me, he'll do what he can to make sure your happy.
I apply a lot of the principles and they've worked for us. I modify some to fit with today's lifestyle, but they do work.
Oh. My. God. Where to start?
Your husband can't feel like a man without placing himself in a superior position where he makes decisions, but you are supposed to be content with being allowed to give input that may or may not matter in his decisionmaking process? Do you have a spine or did he have it surgically removed after the wedding?
Why do you think it is natural for a man to be a leader?
Why is being an equal partner to the most important relationship in your life "controlling?"
And seriously...SERIOUSLY...if your husband, or anybody's husband, was the natural-leader, faith-worthy, omnipotent decision-maker you just described...WHY WOULD HE NEED THIS KIND OF SMOKE BLOWN UP HIS A$$ TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A MAN???
Say what you want. I'm sure that you have a good relationship with your husband without imploring these principles - lots of women do (I'm being honest, not snarky, please don't read it that way). I'm just saying that after I read the book and practiced some of the principles, my husband became a better man, I became less of a jerk and a nag, and we have a VERY good relationship. I respect him and I get respect in return. For us, it worked. To each their own.
I don't understand how equality is emasculating. And if it is, that seems like your husband's problem, not yours. (And frankly, when I say "your," I mean that in the general sense of a follower of this idea, not specifically about you.)
And I think that allowing your husband to make all the decisions on a trial and error basis is a massive waste of time/money/resources/etc., and frankly, if I were him, would make me feel like a jacka$$ failure.
There is an aspect of this that seems massively unfair to him. I would never make my husband feel completely responsible for any huge decision like that. It seems cruel.
This may be a return to a classic behavior model, but there's a big problem with that. These men that used to shoulder the burden while the women stayed home to keep a perfect house...they often cracked under the burden. There is a reason that 100 years ago it wasn't illegal to beat your wife. They all did it. Perhaps it was how they coped with unrealistic expectations and a lack of someone to help them share the load.
I'm sorry if I offended you, but I don't think I said that equality was emasculating. Again, the principles worked for us. They don't work for everyone and I strongly encourage anyone who has a good relationship with their spouse to continue doing what's working - be it equality or defined roles.
BTW - I sincerely try to accept that everyone has their own opinions and I embrace different POVs. I know I'm not perfect and I constantly look to better myself (which was the point of reading FW in the first place). So, I really try not to be angry when someone tells me I'm an idiot for doing things the way I do them. Flaming me is one thing...but to infer that my behavior model could provoke my husband to beat me is way out of line.
I didn't say it would. I'm saying that this model puts a terribly undue amount of stress on the husband. And frankly, it seems like doing so is the ONLY decision the woman is making by herself, which again seems unfair. Historically, when that was commonplace, so was spousal and child abuse. I'm not saying anything about your husband. I'm citing psychology and history.
I was not offended. And I never said, nor would I say, that you were an idiot for doing something that worked for you.
However you do have to realize that for most of us, this is a great deal like hearing that you read a book and decided to become a Shaker, or sell yourself as an indentured servant. Something that was run-of-the-mill in another time and place, but utterly foreign now.
No flames here. I have no idea why anyone would try to make you feel bad about what works in YOUR relationship. Sounds like you and your husband are both happy and that's all that matters.
My husband thinks this is ridiculous.
He just said, "WTF did I get married for if I have to make all the decisions? I did that before I got married. "