It's out there. Say what you want to say. I am not afraid.

Mason&Mama · March 2012

Yes, my EX is a drug addict. He is not currently using drugs. I am encouraging his relationship with his son. We are not together. We are not living together. He sees Mason every day. I plan on continuing this until I find a reason not to. Bringing this up does not hurt me. This s a public forum. I shared this information. I am not proud of all the details. I have doubts, insecurities, make mistakes .... just like everyone else. I am doing what I feel s best for MY son. I believe that all of us do what they feel is best for THEIR LOs. I do not mind hearing opinions, but I would prefer that you aim them towards me rather than have a discussion amongst yourselves (kind of the vibe I was getting in your previous posts). So go ahead. Say what you want to say to me. I will listen to your opinions, advice. I will take them into consideration. Maybe I will find value in what you say, and maybe I will just read your comments and move on with my life. That is basically how I take everything on TB. I use the info here to help me make informed decisions. You can go ahead and continue to poke at the "weak"and "sensitive" points of all of us. This discussion, however, does not offend me. Like I said, I put my life out here so I should be able to handle what people gave to say about it. In the end, you are all strangers, and I hate to sound ridiculously cliche, but you don't know my life.

mainemommy · March 2012

Is he getting help? My 8+years of personal experience on this tells me that if he's not getting really really good help with this he's either using & you dont see it or he's going to be again soon. Drug addicts dont just wake up & say "Hey Im donE doing drugs". As much as I wish it was like that its not.

ghostof5letters · March 2012

I had no idea it was you we were discussing.

Best of luck with that.

ETA: Is he in treatment? Unless it's been years, I never trust an addict when they tell me their sober.

wfdfire607 · March 2012

I'm glad you posted this because I didn't get to read the OP, so I was going by what I currently read. Is he currently in any rehab program? And you're a braver woman than me, I just wanna say that. I have no idea how I would be handling this. But I don't think I would be ok with unsupervised visits, especially if he wasn't making an effort to get better, JMO.

Mason&Mama · March 2012

He did a month of inpatient rehab. He currently spend three days a week in outpatient rehab (10am-2pm). He sees Mason every day. I am always there. He was sober about 90% of our 7 year relationship. He had a two year stretch before slipping up for a few days a Christmas. There is no excuse though - he really messed up by slipping up with a baby in the picture. That was a deal breaker. I broke off the engagement and kicked him out. It breaks my heart, and I do what I can to support his sobriety. Thank you for taking this post seriously. I appreciate the real questions. I have to take off for a few hours, but I will respond more later if anyone else has questions.

LnR70707 · March 2012

I had to go back and find what you were talking about....it was an AE that made that jab. There are a lot of women here who have had or are going through SO problems, I am pretty sure no one would judge you for trying maintain some degree of a father/son relationship as long as he is clean.

Saltina11 · March 2012

How do you know he's not currently using? I know of a cokehead who was messed up on his wedding day while supposedly sober and he just told his new wife he was "nervous". She bought it! And she's now pregnant with his child. ::HEADDESK::

jdm7 · March 2012

ghostof5letters:
I had no idea it was you we were discussing.
Best of luck with that.
ETA: Is he in treatment? Unless it's been years, I never trust an addict when they tell me their sober.

I was going to say the same thing.

And to the OP - I hope he's getting the help he needs. Good to know that you're not living with him and that he's able to get a relationship with Mason.

KahlansMom · March 2012

Mason&Mama:
Yes, my EX is a drug addict. He is not currently using drugs. I am encouraging his relationship with his son. We are not together. We are not living together. He sees Mason every day. I plan on continuing this until I find a reason not to.

Bringing this up does not hurt me. This s a public forum. I shared this information. I am not proud of all the details. I have doubts, insecurities, make mistakes .... just like everyone else. I am doing what I feel s best for MY son. I believe that all of us do what they feel is best for THEIR LOs.

I do not mind hearing opinions, but I would prefer that you aim them towards me rather than have a discussion amongst yourselves (kind of the vibe I was getting in your previous posts). So go ahead. Say what you want to say to me. I will listen to your opinions, advice. I will take them into consideration. Maybe I will find value in what you say, and maybe I will just read your comments and move on with my life. That is basically how I take everything on TB. I use the info here to help me make informed decisions.

You can go ahead and continue to poke at the "weak"and "sensitive" points of all of us. This discussion, however, does not offend me. Like I said, I put my life out here so I should be able to handle what people gave to say about it.

In the end, you are all strangers, and I hate to sound ridiculously cliche, but you don't know my life.

I just wanted to tell you how strong I think you are. You and only you know what's best for your LO, and although I didn't read the OP, I don't think for a second you would do anything to put your baby in any kind of danger. Just go with your gut, and everything will be just fine. While I do agree that your ex could benefit from some rehab, or even addiction counseling, I don't think you should cut all interaction between him and your little boy immediately. I am a firm believer that children need both parents, but I would recommend supervised visits until he has some more sobriety under his belt.

Mason&Mama · March 2012

Saltina11:
How do you know he's not currently using? I know of a cokehead who was messed up on his wedding day while supposedly sober and he just told his new wife he was "nervous". She bought it! And she's now pregnant with his child. ::HEADDESK::

He takes a drug test three days a week to be in the program. But like I said, he only has supervised visits. We are not together right now. If he appears anything but a great dad during his visits, I will not keep him near my son.

mainemommy · March 2012

My head feel like its going to explode from a cold & no sleep last night but my ex has passed every urine test he's ever taken. $25 at a porn or head shop gets you a cleanser. Drink it, take the vitamins, drink a gallon of water & pee clean. So if I were you Id push for hair follacle. He refuses to this day to let me have one of those.

Ill come back & respond more later when I can see my screen without the glowing blur.

DaisyGurl2012 · March 2012

Agree w/ the above. You can buy a $30 drink that looks like Kool-Aid at GNC even and pass urine tests no problem.

Mason&Mama · March 2012

mainemommy:
My head feel like its going to explode from a cold & no sleep last night but my ex has passed every urine test he's ever taken. $25 at a porn or head shop gets you a cleanser. Drink it, take the vitamins, drink a gallon of water & pee clean. So if I were you Id push for hair follacle. He refuses to this day to let me have one of those.

Ill come back & respond more later when I can see my screen without the glowing blur.

Feel better. My head is spinning too after working all night and coming home to the little guy. I do not doubt that he is clean right now, but if he ever wanted unsupervised visits I would push for follicle testing. I am not as naive as you all think that I am. If I was, I would not have ever dealt with this. I would just be posting about my happy little life with my baby and fianc?. He is very satisfied with the agreement we have now. He just wants to see his baby every day. He comes and plays with him, we take him to the playground down the street, he feeds him dinner. He gets to parent his child even though we don't live together. I think that is important for both Mason and EX. It would be easier to cut him off from his son, but I am trying to make the best decision for everyone.

MOONGIRL2467 · March 2012

Mason&Mama:
mainemommy:

My head feel like its going to explode from a cold & no sleep last night but my ex has passed every urine test he's ever taken. $25 at a porn or head shop gets you a cleanser. Drink it, take the vitamins, drink a gallon of water & pee clean. So if I were you Id push for hair follacle. He refuses to this day to let me have one of those.

Ill come back & respond more later when I can see my screen without the glowing blur.

Feel better. My head is spinning too after working all night and coming home to the little guy. I do not doubt that he is clean right now, but if he ever wanted unsupervised visits I would push for follicle testing. I am not as naive as you all think that I am. If I was, I would not have ever dealt with this. I would just be posting about my happy little life with my baby and fianc?. He is very satisfied with the agreement we have now. He just wants to see his baby every day. He comes and plays with him, we take him to the playground down the street, he feeds him dinner. He gets to parent his child even though we don't live together. I think that is important for both Mason and EX. It would be easier to cut him off from his son, but I am trying to make the best decision for everyone.

Seriously- you do an amazing job

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It's out there. Say what you want to say. I am not afraid.

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