Feeling guilty about not BF'ing or pumping

tnkrbl21 · February 2012

I know I said I decided to FF and pump what I could a few wks ago and then late last week I decided to stop completely. This was after minor hemorrhoid surgery and extreme pain for over a week. While I feel like I didn't quit on a bad day, I just feel like the circumstances got the best of me - I did not have a good month and trying to BF a premie was just one more thing that was extremely stressful. Also when I was EPing all I was getting was like 1.5 ozs total per session.

Well now fast forward to to today (well actually the last 2-3 days) and the dust has kind of settled and I feel so much better and now I feel like I could've tried harder. I feel like I failed my baby and the thought of it makes me tear up a little. I haven't pumped or put him to the breast in days and I'm just about dried up and all I feel is guilt. While FF is easy for us, we did it with the older boys and know the routine I just feel like now I could could give it a better try.

Lim not really sure of the point of this post bc I know that if I want to continue FFing then I can, but can I go back to BFing? I'm not totally dried up, but let's face it I never had much of a supply at all.

Im so sorry to keep hovering over this subject but I know this is my last baby and I just don't want to cry at night thinking I failed him. Anyone else ever feel like this after not BF'ing? Am I being crazy for thinking like this? Ugh - I guess this is just one of the many things that make being a mommy the most difficult job in the world.

mrsolsenk12 · February 2012

I FF by choice but yet when he was little i did feel some guilt. You tried and did BF for a short while. You are feeding him, that is the most important thing.

emiannie · February 2012

I made the decision to quit pumping at 2 weeks out (BF never worked for me) and my supply was crap...2 oz per pumping session, sometimes less.

I felt guilty at first, but honestly looking back I feel like I was a much better mother because I did what I had to do to get myself at a place where I was not anxious, more laid back and felt like I was doing something right. I always felt like BF/pumping was me failing because it wasn't working out right.

Bottom line, you're feeding that baby and he's going to be fine. If you want to start up again, call a LC and see if there's a way. I feel sure there is if mothers who adopt can BF, so can you. :-) Cut yourself some slack, Mama. You're doing a fine job.

dana316 · February 2012

You can absolutely put him back on the breast...but if you are going to do it, I'd do it now, don't wait. Your body should pick back up...you might not get to 100% supply, but he'll get something for sure.

madhatter2003 · February 2012

dana316:
You can absolutely put him back on the breast...but if you are going to do it, I'd do it now, don't wait. Your body should pick back up...you might not get to 100% supply, but he'll get something for sure.

This...but don't do it out of guilt. But if you really want to go back to bfing for YOU, then you absolutely can.

EastCoastBride · February 2012

You're feeding him, right? So you're not failing him.

I hear you, though. I felt guilt when I stopped at 6 months. But this is part of the reason why I hate this pressure put on us about BFing! Yes, there are benefits to it, but you're child will grow into a fully functioning adult even if FF.

etoyama · February 2012

dana316:
You can absolutely put him back on the breast...but if you are going to do it, I'd do it now, don't wait. Your body should pick back up...you might not get to 100% supply, but he'll get something for sure.

This. Would you consider doing a combo or nursing and FF? Maybe that way you wouldn't feel guilty, but you also wouldn't feel so much pressure to EBF. Whatever u choose, please try not to beat yourself up!

LCS040209 · February 2012

Happy mom = happy baby.

I EBF for 2 weeks and it was working out for many reasons, so I decided to pump for 12 weeks (I had a lot of BM). I ended up pumping until I dried up, so I believe it was around 15 weeks. For the last month I was mixing in forumla and spent so much time feeling guilty. I think the feelings are just natural and will eventually go away. I felt like I failed my baby too and DH thought this was absurd.

If you want to try again, then go for it. If it doesn't work out and it is not worth it for you to pump, then don't create the stress for yourself. Enjoy your time with your LO and do what is best for YOU. You are doing a great job and worrying just means you're a great mommy!

LCS040209 · February 2012

LCS040209:
Happy mom = happy baby.
I EBF for 2 weeks and it was working out for many reasons, so I decided to pump for 12 weeks (I had a lot of BM). I ended up pumping until I dried up, so I believe it was around 15 weeks. For the last month I was mixing in forumla and spent so much time feeling guilty. I think the feelings are just natural and will eventually go away. I felt like I failed my baby too and DH thought this was absurd.
If you want to try again, then go for it. If it doesn't work out and it is not worth it for you to pump, then don't create the stress for yourself. Enjoy your time with your LO and do what is best for YOU. You are doing a great job and worrying just means you're a great mommy!

WAS NOT working**

ejgballerina · February 2012

dana316:

You can absolutely put him back on the breast...but if you are going to do it, I'd do it now, don't wait. Your body should pick back up...you might not get to 100% supply, but he'll get something for sure.

This for me too! Relactating definitely works. Heck, I know a mom who is BFing her adopted baby! Obviously she is FFing as well but she loves the bonding she is doing by BFing. If it's something you want to do, definitely get with an LC. Even one drop of BM a day is a benefit! Don't beat yourself up, you are a great mama- no matter how you feed your baby.

ESTH2000 · February 2012

ejgballerina:
dana316:

You can absolutely put him back on the breast...but if you are going to do it, I'd do it now, don't wait. Your body should pick back up...you might not get to 100% supply, but he'll get something for sure.

This for me too! Relactating definitely works. Heck, I know a mom who is BFing her adopted baby! Obviously she is FFing as well but she loves the bonding she is doing by BFing. If it's something you want to do, definitely get with an LC. Even one drop of BM a day is a benefit! Don't beat yourself up, you are a great mama- no matter how you feed your baby.

You can try and just know you have done your best Jo matter what.

ESTH2000 · February 2012

ejgballerina:
dana316:

You can absolutely put him back on the breast...but if you are going to do it, I'd do it now, don't wait. Your body should pick back up...you might not get to 100% supply, but he'll get something for sure.

This for me too! Relactating definitely works. Heck, I know a mom who is BFing her adopted baby! Obviously she is FFing as well but she loves the bonding she is doing by BFing. If it's something you want to do, definitely get with an LC. Even one drop of BM a day is a benefit! Don't beat yourself up, you are a great mama- no matter how you feed your baby.

You can try and just know you have done your best Jo matter what.