Who do you tell that you are TTC? Opinions?

angieharris · February 2012

My husband and I are going to start TTC in April, and I was curious to know what you all thought about who to tell and who not to tell that you are TTC? I know it is a personal choice, but I just wanted to know other people's opinions. I am just so excited that we are finally going to be TTC, because we have been indecisive for several years about whether to have a baby or not, that now that we have actually decided, I, we are excited and I feel like I want to tell everybody, friends, family, everyone! But I'm not sure if that's appropriate, I mean, probably everyone doesn't want to know. LOL But I also think that it might be better to keep it to ourselves and then when we find out we have conceived, tell everyone. I just feel like we've been waiting so long, and I'm sure that no one (family and friends) thinks that we are ever going to have a child, so I sort of want to share that yes, we are TTC.

So what is your thought on this?

Angie

HopeNotLost · February 2012

My mom knows and a couple of my friends. That's all we are going to tell, and we don't plan on telling anyone once we get a BFP until we are in 2nd tri. (That's our goal at least!)

peanutmuse · February 2012

My 2 sisters, SIL, 3 friends, and 1 co-worker. I usually tell my mom everything like this, but I want it to legitimately be a surprise for her.

ETA: My friends & sisters are not the pressuring type. Since I told them, it hasn't come up once.

CupcakeKaper · February 2012

Our moms know and a small handful of my closest friends, but that's it.

kleigh926 · February 2012

I would recommend not telling a whole bunch of people. I told a lot of my friends at work that we were going to start TTC, and now that we're having trouble I wish I hadn't. It's just awkward, because I know they're wondering what's taking so long but don't want to bring up a sensitive subject. I just wish I'd kept it more under wraps, but it's your decision how many people you want to tell.

KellyBakes · February 2012

I told my mom, but only because she asked if we were trying for #2. We're not telling anyone else because they were all in our business when they found out we were pregnant the first time. I got tired of all the "You know you can't eat/drink that" type comments really fast.

southernbear · February 2012

I'm keeping it really close to the vest - not sharing with anyone right now. Maybe that will change in the future, not sure. If you're really excited to share it with people, go for it!

Indynurse12 · February 2012

I've only told my sister. I want it to be a big surprise to our parents and I really don't want anyone else asking me about it all the time or giving me a bunch of unsolicited advice. It just seems like a really private thing to me...although I don't seem to have a problem sharing all the details with a bunch of internet strangers. Hmmmm : )

bangos13 · February 2012

My mom knows, but we haven't told anyone else. If I could go back, I probably would have kept it between only DH and I, since my mom's not the best supporter.

ChiTown Bridget · February 2012

I haven't told anyone this time around.

LuckyMissus · February 2012

We haven't told anyone but my dr. And all the horror stories I've read on here about people's comments, reactions, "helpful hints," etc. have just validated that decision.

ETA: We have told people that we want to have kids, so if you haven't told people that, then I think that's fine.

kiek2009 · February 2012

At first we told immediate family before we started TTC. I have other medical issues that couldnt be treated the same way while TTC. So I knew it would be very painful and scary and needed at least family support. It's been 6ish months and now all close family and friends know. It was just too hard to keep it from them. I'd rather have their support than be keeping secrets. It makes me anxious to keep big things like this locked up.

Good luck and I hope this helps!

vpine · February 2012

I told close friends and my family (as in, parents and 2 siblings I''m close to). I don't want to tell relatives or acquaintances and I'm really glad I didn't since now we're at 15 cycles TTC and I'm asked occasionally from those close friends if there's any news yet. If I had told more people, I would feel more pressured and down each time I was asked.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I am not telling anyone, for a few reason:

1) I am terrified that we will have problems and then it will just be awkward

2) I LOVE surprises and so does DH, so it will be a blast when we tell friends and family and it comes out of no where

3) ALL my friends (and I suspect SIL) have either just had a baby or are expecting by the end of the year, I am NOT in the mood to have the "baby fever" jokes/discussion...I seriously think it would bother me

4) I don't want to be that girl that talks about a topic that other people just really don't care about - to me it is the biggest deal in the world, to others I'm just basically announcing "We're going to be having unprotected sex more often than more teenagers!"

5) I am just kind of a private person like that. That is one of the reasons I love TB, I can get really excited and share (esp when it comes to charts, CM and hormone levels, things most would respond with EWWW TMI) with all of you and still maintain some privacy IRL.

All that being said, I had several of the aformentioned KU friends keep me in the loop of their TTC, and I didn't mind, it was a good opportunity to share with them, so don't take it as putting down those who share with friends and family, just NMS

ETA: I have one friend I MIGHT tell when we are more actively trying, she is just similar to me in personality and I can trust her to be supportive and not pressuring as well as to keep her lips sealed!

rbtrumpet · February 2012

I'm pretty new, so IDK if my opinion counts as much as people who have been trying for a while :-p

DH told his mom, my Dr. knows, my IRL friend who recognized me from this board ::wave::, and a good, close friend of mine who is also trying, and we talk about this kind of stuff a lot.

I'm not telling my parents because I want to surprise them if/when it does happen. Sadly I've already planned two different announcement (depending on when it happens :-p)

I agree w/ most PP about the reasons I'm not sharing with too many people

gplove94 · February 2012

Way too many people know haha. I never told my mom she just assumed. I started off by telling my sister and my best friend. As time went on I told more close friends. People who ask I just tell well maybe sometime this year we'll see. It's up to you. If you tell now and it takes awhile then you'll have to answer when they ask you what's going on. I'm pretty open now about how long it's taking because I wish others would have been realistic w/ me and told me how long this whole thing really can take.

Enchanted616 · February 2012

I told my mom, because I needed her advice and she needed to know due to my brother's health problems. Other than that, we haven't told anyone. There is no right or wrong answer, of course.. I just would rather not get the unsolicited advice/questioning that comes along with telling people.

That choice was confirmed when my 17 month old niece ran through a family gathering recently with a PG test she grabbed out of my purse. Since then, my uncle will not stop with the little teasing comments, and my grandma keeps dropping hints of how excited she is to have another grandchild. It seems sweet, but it can be a little frusterating when it's not happening as fast as you want.

It's exciting though, and sometimes it's very hard not to tell people!

Twinkie0612 · February 2012

It's totally up to you, but I have yet to hear someone say that they regret not telling people. Only my sister knows we are TTC and I only told her after she had confided in me that they were TTC #2 and had suffered a miscarriage. I felt like I needed to tell her in case I got KU, so she would at least not be blindsided when I told her (She ended up getting KU 5 months after her miscarriage and we just moved on to cycle 8, so I guess I didn't need to worry).

Now that we are 8 cycles into TTC, I am so happy that I didn't tell anyone. I could not imagine having people constantly wanting to know if I am KU or asking why I am not KU yet. I also don't feel that it is something that needs to be shared with everyone. I had a coworker that talked about TTC constantly (and with anyone that would listen) and it got very annoying. Luckily it only took her 2 months to get pregnant with her son, or she may have driven me crazy.

stacey2345 · February 2012

Out of excitement I told a few friends and my parents but regret telling friends, very tired of all the questions about whether or not AF showed each month? I know they just care but it's hard especially when some of them have 1 or 2 kids already and then say oh just don't think about it! Hello! You keep asking LOL

. So just something to consider....

ajetter · February 2012

If close friends ask when DD is going to get a brother or sister, we tell them we're trying. I told my mom when my cycles got all wonky because I needed someone to vent to. But other than that I figure no one really cares to know we're doing it like rabbits, you know?

db2102 · February 2012

We are starting this month, and I have only told 1 very close friend, who just recently had a baby. Basically, I don't want to deal with a lot of questions in case it takes us a long time to get pregnant. That'll just stress both my husband and me out, so we figure the fewer people who know, the better.

Good luck!

sugarhoneylove · February 2012

I told my mom and sister. They both know how long we've been trying, but they don't mention it all unless I bring it up. I felt comfortable telling them because my sister told me how long she'd been trying and gave me a few tips. And I tell my mom everything else anyway, so it wasn't any different. I've dropped casual hints to a friend after spending time with her and her 1 month old. No other friends or family know... not even my best friends because I'm sure critique and side-eyes will follow.

PB&J9 · February 2012

I told my sister. I'm pretty sure SIL suspects but I haven't opened up to her about it yet. She just had a miscarriage and it's been pretty rough on her. I've told one long distance friend who doesn't know any of my close friends/relatives here. When people ask I say something like "maybe in a few years" or "we want to save more money first."

Everyone expects SIL to get KU first since she's older and has been married longer. I'm praying for her and BIL but I'm also secretly hoping for my BFP too. I don't want to share with parents b/c I want it to be a surprise and I don't want questions about why it isn't happening yet.

KimandRoss0115 · February 2012

I've only confirmed with one close friend. I've kind of hinted with a few other people who I'm close to, but not many. My mom/MIL are just not the kind of people I share things with. I just don't think its really anyone's business. Plus I get asked enough about when I'm going to have another one due to DS' age, so I don't need the added pressure of people knowing we're trying.

rayofsunshine99 · February 2012

My friends know and I am glad they do, even though it took us trying for a while before we got a bfp last month. Reason being is because TTC can be a stressful and emotional roller coaster obviously, especially when you're at the age where a lot of your friends are having babies. So, for instance when it came up in conversation that a distant friend was a few months pregnant, one of my good friends who knew we had been trying for a while said without thinking first, "Yeah it only took her like 5 seconds. They got pregnant the first month they tried." Then she realized right away that she wished she hadn't said it, she apologized and I would imagine that she won't be going on and on about how easy some people get pregnant in the near future.

My point is just just that my friends have been empathetic during that time and even more so after my miscarriage. I appreciate that they know what I am going through and are supportive of me and there for me if I need anything.

SarahEMW · February 2012

We told each of our best friends, but other than that, no one knows. It's a little weird, because people ask us and we're all, "oh, we're not in any hurry" or "We'll leave that to cousin/sister/whatever." Part of it is that I don't want there to be any expectations if it doesn't happen right away. But, I think with the way we talk about it everyone will think it was an accident!

Pros and cons - I'm glad you asked this question because I am getting a lot from everyone's responses.

daisyrose85 · February 2012

We haven't begun TTC yet, but when we do, I think we will keep it to ourselves. I'm an easily anxious person, and I think constant check-ins from friends and family would really stress me out. Plus, I want it to be a surprise when/if I'm finally able to tell everyone.

Best of luck to you in April!

augieskitchen · February 2012

If I am asked, I will tell the truth and say something like "we are letting nature take it's course" or that "we aren't preventing it" but in reality we are trying. I don't bring it up out of the blue to family members or friends but if I am asked I will be honest.

Comet4658 · February 2012

I wouldn't tell anyone unless you are prepared to be asked if you are pregnant every month, and then be prepared if you tell early that you are pregnant for that person to blab everywhere. I am a little cynical because that is what happened to me.

JLSmith124 · February 2012

We didn't tell anyone, but after the m/c last week we have told our immediate family. My mom is joking that she is on 'pregnancy watch' to try and guess when I am pregnant. She said she was so shocked the last 2 times when we told her that she wants to try and figure it out before I tell her lol

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