Lightning Strikes Twice (longish)

MissRachel621 · February 2012

I went in for my second prenatal appointment yesterday, and I could tell immediately when they put the transvaginal u/s in that it wasn't going to be good. I guess the baby stopped growing a week ago. No heartbeat, no nothing. They suspect a blighted ovum. One sorta positive thing was that I wasn't shocked. Being pgal, I was kind of just waiting for this to happen. I am also SO SO glad that no one else knew I was pg. One of the hardest things for me last time was having to untell everyone. This way, my DH and I can grieve and deal with this in private. I am still nauseated and tired, but have no cramping or spotting, so I'm going with a D&C on Thursday. They will test the embryo to see if they can find any reason why this happened, and later on, they'll also do a full work-up on both me and my DH to see if there is something within our make-ups that's caused this to happen twice. We have decided to take an extended TTC break, and maybe look into adoption. I just don't want to keep going through this. My heart is broken. I am so sad that it is physically painful. I just don't understand what I did to deserve this. I wish all of you the absolute best, and feel free to PM me or ask here if you have any questions. I know when I was pg the first time I wished I could ask the ladies who m/c more details, so I want to be available to you guys for that same reason. I'll miss you guys, take care.

Andreabks · February 2012

Huge Hugs!! i'm so sorry for your loss.

lisaNDmike08 · February 2012

I'm so sorry. :-( Biggest hugs and t&p to you and your DH.

piedpiper07 · February 2012

I am so so sorry. Take care of yourself! ((hugs))

jojo3020 · February 2012

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I hope that the doctors can give you some answers because this isn't fair at all. I know you know but you really didn't do anything to deserve this. (hugs)

JulyMomma2U2 · February 2012

Oh hun.. I am so, so sorry Please know that I am keeping you and DH in my thoughts and prayers.. I completely understand what you mean about grieving alone.. I'm so very sorry you guys are going through this again..

Many, many hugs...

jaimerz1025 · February 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. T&Ps for your healing ((hugs))

Petunia844 · February 2012

I'm so sorry, big huge hugs. I hope you can get some answers.

keiral · February 2012

I'm so very sorry for your loss! I really hope that you will get the answers you are looking for. Take care of yourself!!

adoxyinherear · February 2012

I am so incredibly sorry this is happening to you again. I truly admire your strength. *hugs*

Michi2325 · February 2012

I am so sad to read this, I saw you hadnt posted in a couplde of days and was worried. Im so very sorry this has happened again, you and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers, I hope that you get some answers.

angelak24 · February 2012

((HUGS)) I am so sorry. I completely understand everything you said. It was the hardest thing last time having to untell everyone. I am glad you have your time to grieve in private. I have had 2 previous m/c and did finally get some answers so hang in there. It doesn't get easier but hopefully when you have your take home baby it will make all this pain and heartache worth it.

missbryn · February 2012

I'm so, so sorry. You do not deserve this. Tragedy is never deserved. I wish you the best, be it TTC and future pregnancy, or adoption.

jenada2011 · February 2012

MissRachel, I'm so so incredibly sorry for your loss! I wish I had something to make your pain go away. Take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to heal. ((big hugs)) to you and you are in my T&P's!

LorMor · February 2012

I am so sorry for your loss - I know how painful and sad it is. I have been through two miscarriages, and all the specialists said that it is most likely to be bad luck - no other actual cause. Hang in there, give yourselves time to grieve, but two miscarriages may not be as sinister as you think.

My experience has been the opposite of yours - both times, we didn't tell anyone, and so could then choose who to tell about the miscarriages, and when we were ready.

This time, we actually told both sets of parents - we were tired of giving people the bad news without being able to give them the good news. Hopefully this time there won't be bad news, but it did feel exciting to share the good news.

Good luck and all the very best.

MissRachel621 · February 2012

angelak24:
((HUGS)) I am so sorry. I completely understand everything you said. It was the hardest thing last time having to untell everyone. I am glad you have your time to grieve in private. I have had 2 previous m/c and did finally get some answers so hang in there. It doesn't get easier but hopefully when you have your take home baby it will make all this pain and heartache worth it.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words, and especially to Michi for worrying about me, that really means a lot.

Angela, are you comfortable explaining what sort of answers you got?

LottaLattes · February 2012

*HUGS* I am so sorry for your loss.

MrsRidge2005 · February 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this twice. I understand how you feel. This was me last year. We had two losses in a row and it was so much harder the second time. I was sick of everything TTC related and felt like something was really broken with me.

I would encourage you to take a break and do something fun for you and DH. We took a trip after our last loss and it was so refreshing to not worry about anything with my body but just connect with DH and do something fun for a change. We TTA for several months and then I realized I was ready to try again and was in a much better place mentally.

I hope you get some answers and some peace.

AustinBride06 · February 2012

I was thinking about you yesterday, I'm so so sorry. My heart just breaks for you.

If you don't mind, I'm a little confused about the terms you/your doctor used. I understood the definition of a blighted ovum to be that a sac develops and sometimes even a placenta, but there is no embryo formed. Was your doctor saying that you did have an embryo and a blighted ovum? You don't have to answer if you don't feel up to it.

Lots and lots of hugs headed your way. Please take care of yourself.

panacea05 · February 2012

Oh, God. I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. You must know that you did nothing to deserve this; it's so, so unfair. ((hugs))

bluebonnetmeg · February 2012

I am so so sorry. ((hugs)) No one deserves to go through this once, let alone multiple times.

jullybean · February 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. T&Ps for you and your DH during this difficult time. No one should have to endure this. :-(

roxyttandme · February 2012

I am just so very sorry!

VineyardMel · February 2012

I am so, so sorry that you're having to go through this again. T&P for everything to go smoothly on Thursday and for you and YH as grieve your loss and decide what the best next steps are for your family. (((big hugs)))

Jodee37 · February 2012

i am so very sorry you are going through this again... Ts&Ps for some peace and answers.

BarooGirl · February 2012

I am so so sorry.

race-to-be · February 2012

MissRachel, I am so deeply sorry that you have to go through this again. Take all the time you need to grieve and get some answers. We'll miss you here and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of hugs heading your way.

MissRachel621 · February 2012

AustinBride06:
I was thinking about you yesterday, I'm so so sorry. My heart just breaks for you.
If you don't mind, I'm a little confused about the terms you/your doctor used. I understood the definition of a blighted ovum to be that a sac develops and sometimes even a placenta, but there is no embryo formed. Was your doctor saying that you did have an embryo and a blighted ovum? You don't have to answer if you don't feel up to it.
Lots and lots of hugs headed your way. Please take care of yourself.

Thank you. I am totally fine answering questions. I may have misunderstood what she said, and I guess in retrospect she didn't use the term "embryo". I think what she said was that "things stopped developing" about a week ago. Whatever was there was so small, it was hard to tell exactly what happened. I think this is part of what they'll hopefully figure out after my d&c. Does that make sense?

KJohnson826 · February 2012

Sending big squishy (((hugs)) I'm so sorry.

MissRachel621 · February 2012

MrsRidge2005:
I'm so sorry you're going through this twice. I understand how you feel. This was me last year. We had two losses in a row and it was so much harder the second time. I was sick of everything TTC related and felt like something was really broken with me.

I would encourage you to take a break and do something fun for you and DH. We took a trip after our last loss and it was so refreshing to not worry about anything with my body but just connect with DH and do something fun for a change. We TTA for several months and then I realized I was ready to try again and was in a much better place mentally.

I hope you get some answers and some peace.

I wish more than anything we could take at least a short vacation. My DH is in medical school and takes the board exams in July, so he really needs to focus on that. He's been taking great care of me so far, and has even moved his midterms back a day to be with me on Thursday. I think we're going to try to go away for the weekend soon, but I would LOVE to just fly somewhere warm for a week. I am going back on the pill for at least a few months, to get my body back on track and so we don't have to worry as much about TTA.