I can't imagine going back to work.

BriMilla · February 2012

I just can't even think about it. I know everything only happened on Friday and I'm definitely taking this next week off, but really I just want to quit and never go back. I'm a teacher and a lot of moms of my students are pregnant and/or have just had babies, not only that, but I just can't bare the thought of having to see all of my colleagues. I know they would be supportive, but I don't want to even deal with all the hugs and stares and emotional outbursts. I was planning on quitting after the end of the school year in May to be a stay home mom anyway and want to still do that, but I can't even imagine having to get through the end of this year. How was that transition for everyone?

SockMonkeySam · February 2012

I threw myself into work. But I also don't work with children. I needed to go back and just focus on soemthing else other than the empty feeling.

DesiraeSunshine · February 2012

I took 3months off, im a therapist and didn't feel I was able to be helpful to others.

careyalis · February 2012

I am in the same boat as you. I teach 2nd grade and my kids all knew about and loved Avery. My friend (our counselor) already talked to the kids and sent a letter home to the parents explaining Avery's condition. After Avery passed away, tons of parents volunteered to sub so that my coworkers could come to her funeral. It was really special to have them all there and I know that they will be loving and supportive throughout my whole grieving process. I am mostly worried about my students. I know that they are sad because I am sad. I know that they will have questions and I want to be open and honest with them, but I am nowhere near strong enough to handle that right now. When I am ready, I am going to do a half day on a Thursday or Friday to ease myself back in. I might even come in just to talk to the kids while the sub is still there so that I can leave and recoup. I truly love my job, but I am dreading having to go back.

ehlersm · February 2012

I totally get how you are feeling. I teach 5th grade and I lost my twins in early January. My class was so excited about the boys and talked about them all the time - I couldn't imagine going back. I also dreaded dealing with the adults and all the stares as well. I took almost 3 weeks off. I went in on a Thursday to just talk to my class. We all sat in a circle and I told them the story of what happened. I cried and a lot of them did as well. I then let them ask questions and we talked for awhile. I left after that and came back the next day. I was glad I went back on a Friday because I only had to get through one day. It was very hard and 5 weeks later, there are still hard days. I just have to remind myself that people have good intentions and really don't know how to react. Just go slowly and only do what you can handle; don't go back until you are ready.

magdalina.h · February 2012

I went back after 5 weeks (had a c/s so I had to wait) to get my mind to focus on something else. It was awful the first few days but it got better. I went back to work to visit a week before officially coming back. That got all of the pity looks, hugs and the head tilt followed by aw out of the way. That made working a little easier since people weren't going to be bugging me all day. They did have a pitch in to welcome me "home" along with flowers and a nice card.

ally2011 · February 2012

I was out of work for 6 weeks and going back was still hard. I don't think it is easy no matter when you go back.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs,

Jenn

ally2011 · February 2012

Just a quick FYI...if you want to be out of work and have the time (sick, vacation or short term something or other), your doctor can and will write you out if you ask. Mine offered that first or I would not have known. I was grateful for the time. I did things around the house, friends came by for visits and I napped some on and off. I was exhausted and enjoyed the time to myself that I had in between visits, etc. I just wanted to be in my home doing "wife" things. I don't know why but it is what I needed.

I wish you the best, we are all here for you.

weddedwife · February 2012

I took 6 weeks off. I dreaded going back too, even though I love my job. I won't lie to you- it's going to be hard. You may encounter some insensitive comments, stares, people avoiding you or just completely ignoring what happened & not saying anything at all. Hopefully your coworkers will be very supportive & kind. I was planning on going to part time after the baby came, and so it was extra hard for me to go back full time with no end in sight.

Unfortunately, going back to work is just one of the crappy milestones that comes along with this. But hopefully, once you get back into the swing of things it will actually help your mind stay occupied. Try not to think about it now- take as much time off as you need to and focus on recovering & processing your grief.

Heatherhah · February 2012

I took 8 weeks off but I had a csection and my doctors told me I had to be off I am honestly glad I took that time I couldnt be around anyone other than family for 2 months it was hard to be near anyone at all.

cherrycobbler · February 2012

I took 8 weeks as well with my C Section. At first I thought I would just take maybe two or three, but then I just felt like lying on the couch after that. I probably should have gone back sooner in retrospect. Not being around people for so long made me very anxious when the time came. I pretty much distanced myself from everyone. I even had the idea of transferring locations so I wouldn't have to be around anyone that knew my story. Everyone at my work knew what had happened because my DH works there as well, so he had the task of telling details to everyone, by the time I got there I was sort of able to just slip back in. I got all of the "welcome back, good to see you's" and it was a little hard, but I think that everyone knew I pretty much wanted to pretend it didn't happen and no one pressed it, plus I don't think anyone knew what to say anyway-so I guess that is a plus? Good luck to you.

nuttycoconut · February 2012

I'm a teacher too (first grade) and I took 8 weeks off. My dr would have written me out for as long as I needed and I had the days to take. I loved having that time to grieve, spend time with family and friends, read, research about what happened, sleep, veg., etc. I also made appointments for follow up visits at the Ob, and went to acupuncture each week, worked out, found support groups, and just tried to do everything I could to heal my body and mind. Teaching just takes every ounce of energy you have and I don't think I could have functioned in the classroom until the 6-7 week mark. I went back on a Friday afternoon to say hi to the kids and I had the sub stay with me for 2 days during my first week back to help me transition. Also, I went back a week before the kids had a vacation week so I worked 5 full days and had a week off. It was really nice to know that I only had to make it until the end of the week. Good luck with what you decide to do but for now I hope you can take the time you need to rest, grieve and heal.

Carolee · February 2012

I'm a teacher also. My loss was over summer break, but I was so far along that the entire school (staff and students) knew I was pregnant when I left in June. I stayed out for a month after. My friend let the principal know, and she told the staff right after my loss. Before I came back, a colleague I trusted offered to let my former students know (I had taught 5th grade). I appreciated that she did that for me, and I didn't have a single student say anything to me...that was my worst fear about going back. In a way, going back to work was helpful for me because it kept my mind off of a lot of things. Take the week for sure, and more time if you need it.

laurendSept05 · February 2012

It was difficult going back. I took a week off, and then went back to work 1/2 days for a week, then full time. DH and I run our own business with a few dozen employees. I'd already been out for a month on bed rest, and he had been picking up the slack during that time. It was a source of anxiety for me to have people say they were sorry, and since its a small company we're all pretty close. The first couple of condolences made me cry, after that it wasn't so bad. I was able to handle it. The first day was the worst - each day got easier getting over that first time seeing everyone. Honestly, work has been a welcome distraction. It passes the days much quicker - the weekends I find harder - I cry and get upset a lot more as I have more time to think about it. I understand it would be difficult being around children though; luckily no one I work with is pregnant or has young children - I think that makes it easier. I would suggest talking to someone you work with who you are close with and have them relay your story to everyone else. That way you only have to accept the "I'm sorrys" and don't have to talk about it any more if you don't want.

Gizu92708 · February 2012

I am taking eight weeks off and I start in 1week. I'm dreading the day just because I hate the pity looks and the "I'm sorry" hugs. But it is what it is. It does suck though.

johnnys june · February 2012

I only got 5 weeks off (I had a c-section so I could have had up to 8). Work wouldn't cover me for 8 weeks because I wasn't eligible for FMLA yet (I had worked there less than a year). In a way I was forced back because we couldn't afford me quitting. I dove right in though. The first few days were the hardest. After that, I only had bad days with random triggers here and there but for the most part, it helped keep me occupied. Never failed though, I'd have a meltdown on the way to and from work. Those cries are what got me through the day without having a meltdown in front of people.

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