Lining up help?

JustcallmeGG2 · February 2012

Hi ladies! I have a question about enlisting help. A lot of you girls (and my twin books) suggest lining up help after the babies are born. How did you go about it?

I live about 30-40 minutes from friends and family. Is it too much to ask them to come help? Do i wait until they suggest? How many times is acceptable?

E&RMommy · February 2012

All depends on your situation. We didn't have help; err we didn't need it. We only had our moms help for one month at a time to care for them during the day while we worked. Frankly other people just got in the way and just didn't help. We did great on our own - despite that I really have few memories of it!

JustcallmeGG2 · February 2012

E&RMommy:
All depends on your situation. We didn't have help; err we didn't need it. We only had our moms help for one month at a time to care for them during the day while we worked. Frankly other people just got in the way and just didn't help. We did great on our own - despite that I really have few memories of it!

i guess i really feel like we may need it. My parents are not around anymore so we are already short on help

E&RMommy · February 2012

Like I said it totally depends on your situation! My parents live here less than 30 minutes away and we rarely saw them the first year.

I didn't mean to make it sound like you shouldn't have help; quite the contrary. But you may do just great without it. All depends on who is to care for them during the day, etc. When our moms watched them during the day, we were alone nights/weekends. They just replaced a nanny.

GL and keep us posted.

Haven1 · February 2012

I'm with E&R. We didn't want or need help. The last thing I wanted was anyone up in our business. But that's certainly not the case for everyone.

It really depends on so many things.

*How much is your DH going to be available? Will he be able to stay home for any length of time? Is he a brain surgeon? (Because if he's not working some life or death job, he better be prepared to wake up at night too.)

*What's your comfort level with all this? Your DH's? (I was nervous of the unknown, but I was confident that we could do it.)

*What time of year are you having them? What's the weather? (You may not line up "help" so much as line up people to come socalize with you if you aren't able to leave the house much.)

*Do the babies have any health/reflux/colic issues? (My babies were thankfully very easy. I may have called in reinforcements if I had a baby who screamed all night.)

If your friends offer, tell them thanks and that you'll keep them updated. You may just want them to bring you lunch and come hang out so you have someone to talk to!

Good luck to you. I'm sure you'll do great!

Fancy3Face · February 2012

E&RMommy:
All depends on your situation. We didn't have help; err we didn't need it. We only had our moms help for one month at a time to care for them during the day while we worked. Frankly other people just got in the way and just didn't help. We did great on our own - despite that I really have few memories of it!

This is us too. Our family lives about 800 miles away and though people wanted to help and came in from time to time it was more of a pain. We learned to handle it all on our own and that's what worked best for us.

I know a lot of ladies have had great success with night nurses, nannies and family though. GL!

MagPie08 · February 2012

The single biggest 'help' in the early weeks was FOOD. If people offer to help, tell them to bring you prepared meals that can be frozen, etc . Do you belong to a church? Ask if they'll set up a meal schedule for you the first few weeks.

I'll never forget when one of my girlfriends stopped by unannounced with a huge salad and breadsticks from olive garden; she didn't ask to stay and hold the babies- just strictly delivered dinner. I still rememeber how good that tasted and how grateful I was.

Aside from that, we didn't want/need help. I have an awesome DH who is truly 50/50 with me. Hiring a nanny or night nurse i's a totally individual preference, and depends on your circumstances.

s270453 · February 2012

I would just wait till people offer, then maybe tell them to just check in after the babies get here to see what you need. Keep a list of who offered. We didnt have help at all DH went back to work 2 days after the boys got home from the NICU. I was by myself after that, and no one stayed with us ever. In the end, you do what you you have to, to survive. If you arrange help great, if not you will be fine. Im sure of it!

ColleenS629 · February 2012

I agree with PPs... it all depends. First of all, a lot of people said they would help but are MIA when I actually need it. Some people that do help are actually more of a hinderance because they force us to get off schedule or break our "rules." The inconsistency is making it so that they are almost 4 months and we still aren't on a schedule. The biggest helper is DH because he helps me stick to the schedule but he is only off on Sundays and gets home at their bedtime. My dad comes over sometimes for a couple of hours during the week. He mostly just keeps me company and does the dishes which is helpful. My mom said she would come over to help during the week after school but she hasn't ever done that. She usually comes on Saturdays but I just talked to her and she won't be here for at least another hour... thanks, Mom! I feel totally comfortable with my parents watching them but they don't stick to my rules (they will let the babies sleep on them, in the swings, etc) so now I end up doing that sometimes too because they like it better and it's really hard for me to get them to sleep in their cribs when I'm alone. To that point, it would have been easier on me now to not have had their help to begin with.

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