Curious.....are you ok with?

expletive baby · February 2012

beacbabe:
I guess Im in the minority here... but honestly Who cares about porn.. I find it interesting so many people look at it the same way at cheating... Its PORN... and he is cheating on you then with himself?!? Im confused.

I find it hard to believe that none of your husbands look at it. So do the same women who are against it, feel that your husband doesnt masterbate?

Or not masturbate themselves, for that matter.

Whether on a page or in your head, a fantasy is just that. FANTASY.

adrianLO · February 2012

beacbabe:
I guess Im in the minority here... but honestly Who cares about porn.. I find it interesting so many people look at it the same way at cheating... Its PORN... and he is cheating on you then with himself?!? Im confused.

I find it hard to believe that none of your husbands look at it. So do the same women who are against it, feel that your husband doesnt masterbate?

Agreed. Porn is a huge industry and it's everywhere on the internet but everytime I hear a woman talking about their husbands, they say "my husband doesn't like it" Just like every man tells his wife he's grossed out by strip clubs. I'm not saying you have to comfortable with either one but I highly doubt all these men are "grossed out" by hot naked women.

stever · February 2012

Like: no. Okay with it in moderation: sure.

And although too much porn can be a sign of trouble in a marriage, it's not remotely like cheating to me.

beacbabe · February 2012

adrianLO:
beacbabe:

I guess Im in the minority here... but honestly Who cares about porn.. I find it interesting so many people look at it the same way at cheating... Its PORN... and he is cheating on you then with himself?!? Im confused.

I find it hard to believe that none of your husbands look at it. So do the same women who are against it, feel that your husband doesnt masterbate?

Agreed. Porn is a huge industry and it's everywhere on the internet but everytime I hear a woman talking about their husbands, they say "my husband doesn't like it" Just like every man tells his wife he's grossed out by strip clubs. I'm not saying you have to comfortable with either one but I highly doubt all these men are "grossed out" by hot naked women.

Haha you're so right! I went with DH 2 times to a strip club... After that I was like seriously what is the big deal to go once in a blue moon? I found it entertaining that those girls could move like that on a pole hahah!

AngelGirl37351 · February 2012

OP That is how my DH and I are. No place for that in our marriage. We are devoted to each other and there should be no need for anyone else there.

delaneykai · February 2012

I am not comfortable with it, but I don't consider it a deal breaker either.

SGC29 · February 2012

We are against it. Doesn't happen in our home. Thankfully this is something we both agree on and it has never been an issue.

kadokatie30 · February 2012

I could care less if he watches porn. In fact, if he wasn't interested in looking at anyone other than me at all time I would think it was wierd and unnatural. Porn is just a fantasy. Or sometimes its even less than that and its just something to aid you in getting in the mood. I use a vibrator and he isn't upset that I want to use something to help me out. I've watched porn at times too. It's not like we are not commited to each other and niether of us has ever cheated.

kadokatie30 · February 2012

igottacitylove:

I am totally cool with it, especially since I can't have sex during this pregnancy. It has been a little over 4 months since we've had intercourse, and although I try to take care of him in other ways, I am fine with him taking care of himself when the desire arises.

It would only bother me if he had an addiction to it, watched something super skeevy, or it was negatively impacting our relationship in some way. I don't believe it's on the same plane as cheating at all-- he is alone and there is no connection with another human...just images on a screen (most likely). I think more married men watch porn than their wives realize (even if the sex life is fine).

I agree. I actually think MOST men watch porn. Not necessarily a lot but most men do.

byrne15 · February 2012

If it was frequent I would mind... but if he looks at it every once in a while I don't care.

Now strip clubs, same rules apply....but I am more disturbed about spending our money there vs. the actual idea of him at a strip club. He has been to one once since we have known each other (for bachelor party).

sadeathe · February 2012

We are both against porn, nude magazines, strip clubs, etc... I would have never married a man that participated in those types of things - and I didn't.

ashcart01 · February 2012

To each their own. I won't ridicule anyone who is O.K with porn, I can understand your points. Personally, I am not okay with it.

I won't go to the extreme to say that it's cheating, but I'm not comfortable with my husband getting satisfaction from other naked women. He is okay with this, which is awesome.

We also have a no strip club rule. He doesn't want me going either. We're married teachers- no place for it in our marriage. A couple of his buddies have had bachelor parties in Vegas and he doesn't go- his choice. Of course, I am okay with this .

ohtara · February 2012

Neither one of us is okay with pornography or strip clubs or anything sexually explicit for that matter. DH has politely declined any invites to bachelor parties where strippers were involved. Not only does it not serve any purpose in our lives or our marriage, it is also a serious offense against God. We both believe in complete and absolute devotion and loyalty to one another and God... and let me just say that I NEVER knew what real love was until I met a man who held these standards. There is a huge difference between a boy and a man, and that's one of them

kdjudd · February 2012

I am extremely against porn. First of all I am a Christian and I do not believe that it is spiritually healthy for a man to be looking at it. I know from personal experience the damaging effects it can have on a marriage. However, spirituality aside I also know it does both physical and mental damage to men. I work at one of the world's largest counseling organizations and we have access to some of the best psychological research available. If you look at the damage that porn does over time to the brain it's incredibly heartbreaking. It's a dangerous and addictive thing to play with.

Mrs.vtjaime · February 2012

TwilightMV:
I'm 100% fine with it. I honestly could not care less how he masturbates. It has 0 impact on our marriage, and my masturbation habits don't bother him either.

This. I'm a little more uncomfortable with strip clubs because they're in person, but I wouldn't really mind if he went to one for a bach party or something. I am totally confident that my husband loves me, and will not cheat on me. We have been together for 10.5 years and married almost 6.

venussapphire · February 2012

I don't like it at all. I should be enough.

judahsmommy1 · February 2012

punkrockabye:
judahsmommy1:
Absolutely against it in our marriage. It has the same emotional impact for me as cheating does.
Beyond that I have serious moral issues with it. I'm not talking about being a prude. I'm talking about the trafficking and abuse that is present in the porn industry that there is no possible way to escape. Sure the "actress" might have chosen this life for herself of her own free will. Or she could be a sex slave. You have no idea if you're "enjoying entertainment" or are the douche that is participating in her sexual slavery and rape. I feel very comfortable saying that if you have viewed porn more than a few times, (non animated) you have witnessed the sexual abuse of a slave - it's just that prevalent. If you have no issues with it in your marriage, I really encourage you to look into this aspect of it. It's so disturbing.
Please see my comment, though. You are absolute correct in many cases which is why it's important to know the differences between sex positive and sex negative. Not that you have to like it or agree with it, but it's important to know that there is such thing as pornography where nobody is being victimized, even if unfortunately it's not the norm.

While what is being depicted might be "sex positive" the real life of the woman involved might be very negative. It's the real life that I'm concerned about, not what is shown on the screen. Because there is a demand for both positive and negative depictions of sexual interaction, all types are made. But the women who perform in them may or may not be there voluntarily. The person who hired her to do the film might be paying her, even paying her decently, she might never see a dime of that money. There is absolutely no way to know.

Beyond that there are further grey areas. What about a woman who is 19 and appears to be there voluntarily. However, her life in the sex industry started when she was 14, when she was pimped out to "pay" her "room and board". (This happens more often than you might think. Any ideas what a pimp charges for a bikini top?) The constant abuse has convinced her that she is only worth what she can do sexually. Beyond that, she has no education and no consistent income. So she's escaped her pimp, but is back in the sex industry because it's what she knows and it's how she feels valued. The industry is, in effect, taking advantage of the extreme damage done to her self esteem by her experience in human trafficking. How ethical is that?

While "sex positive" vs. "sex negative" sounds great, there is not currently a way to know if the actress you're watching is a trafficking victim or not. I realize that for many people their intention is not to witness this type of abuse, and most people are unaware of it. That's why I encourage people to look into it. If everyone participating in a sexual environment is there by consent (real consent), I'm not going to make a stink about it. (unless it affects me directly). But not everyone in porn videos (positive or negative) are there consensually.

tammynixx · February 2012

Mrs.vtjaime:
TwilightMV:
I'm 100% fine with it. I honestly could not care less how he masturbates. It has 0 impact on our marriage, and my masturbation habits don't bother him either.
This. I'm a little more uncomfortable with strip clubs because they're in person, but I wouldn't really mind if he went to one for a bach party or something. I am totally confident that my husband loves me, and will not cheat on me. We have been together for 10.5 years and married almost 6.

All of this. I know that DH loves me and isn't going to run off with a stripper or a porn star.

SBmomma · February 2012

We use porn just like we use sex toys. It's a way to spice up an already spicy sex life. ;-) Sex is supposed to be fun and the more fantasy we can bring the better! I have to admit, not a lot of porn works for me, but with a growing female audience I'm sure they will start gearing the videos for what works for us ladies.

Strip clubs, nah...him nor I really care for them.

SBmomma · February 2012

I would also like to add, that for most men when they are watching porn...the thing that turns them on is watching "the act", not necessarily just watching the woman. And many men imagine themselves & their significant other in that situation...it's all about fantasy. I've been to many seminars where speakers such as Midori or Reid have gone into much depth on the porn topic. Its fascinating to me!

camillaandcarson · February 2012

Not OK at all. I find it SUPER gross and disgusting.

ItsSupaFly2U · February 2012

Well...porn I'm ok with. I like to SAY I'm ok if he went to the strip club with the boys...BUT I have always been really protective/possesive of him for the 13 years I've known him, even before we got together. So I imagine it would piss me off, but he's a grown ass man and he knows the rules. It's up to him to follow them.

amberlynnr7 · February 2012

I would be upset if he was doing it behind my back...but as long as he is open & honest about it - I really don't see an issue.

I used to dj all the time & use porn to help. I would be a complete hypocrite if I told him he wasn't allowed to do it.

KarmB · February 2012

i could careless. Hes free to look at porn. we havent had sex since november so eh, whatever. i have no problems with stripclubs. in fact, i told him i'll go with him. but you know, being pregnant and all, we havent. I looked at porn before i was put on a no orgasm diet from doc. Itd be different if we compared eachother to it or strayed but watching a movie isnt straying.

nikkylee · February 2012

Not a problem for me at all, I read erotic literature and watch porn myself occasionally. I find other men sexually attractive, and it doesn't bother me that my boyfriend feels the same way about women... my banning porn and such isn't going to change that. Heck, we share a few girl-crushes. I'm completely confidant that I'm the only woman he wants to be with, and he's the only man I've ever even kissed and I don't have the urge to look elsewhere either. He's not into strip clubs, but minus a lap dance (please don't touch) I don't have a problem with that either. I read a study once that porn, etc. activates the same part of a man's brain as a sandwich or a steak. We have 8 years together and the baby on the way. It's just not the same type of connection as the one you have with someone you care about. I actually didn't realize it was such an issue for so many (younger) people. I've never thought twice about it.

jlthompson19 · February 2012

I'm fine with it. I'm not fine with getting viruses on my computer, which happened 6 years ago b/c of some site, so DH better be very careful. And strip clubs don't bother me if they're for a party or rare guy's night out, but we don't have the kind of money for him to be frequenting them. Guys like boobs, I'm cool with that.

Betarose31 · February 2012

Porn? Don't care. I watch it too. We find it sexy together. Strip clubs? We think strippers are nasty. I actually asked him why he's not in to strip clubs. Know what he told me? "I'd be afraid of catching something if I even breathe in a strip club." I laughed at it. He was serious.

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