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2nd Trimester
faith_urz4eva
member
Curious.....are you ok with?
faith_urz4eva
member
So I posted a response on the earlier thread, but I am just so curious about this. How many of you women are ok with your DH looking at porn? I was kinda surprised to see that some women are comfortable with this. In my eyes, this would be as bad as cheating, and I would be out. Same goes for strip clubs etc. I feel as though I am the only woman DH should be looking at sexually. Anyway, just wanted to know what the majority was. Not a thread for judgement.
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Re: Curious.....are you ok with?
Everyone's standards differ. But I am old fashioned, as they say... I am against porn, strip clubs, etc...
I feel not many this day in age respect monogamist relationships, women more so. If a man feels the need to look at porn, go to strip clubs, there's something deeper there & it's a slippery slope from something being labeled as 'just fun' to a real issue. I could go on & on but I'll leave it on that note...
I agree....I would feel so disrespected by my husband looking at other women. I too could go on and on.
I'm fine with it. He's not a strip club person... we joke that I'm more of a guy than he is. And thats true if I get into the really personal, ideal gender presentation side of things, but I'll refrain.
What he looks at isn't your standard size MMM boobs, Playboy, Penthouse crap. It's different. Not anything exceptionally weird or creepy (and definitely not illegal), but not what you think of when you typically thing of men looking at porn. I'll also say that he and I enjoy the same things. We don't look together, and I've never been a porn person myself, but I know what he looks at and I like it and can't fault him for enjoying it too.
blog! thescenery.net
This for me too. DH and I are not into it at all, and DH thinks strip clubs are super nasty.
My DH doesn't look at porn alone (I'm not just saying this, we are together ALL the time) but sometimes it's fun for us to watch together. It really gets us in the mood. The only time he goes to strip clubs is for bachelor parties which really doesn't bother me either. We have been to a strip club together before (for a really weird 30th birthday party) and I am not at all intimidated but strippers (most of them acted like robotic zombies anyway).
If he was really into all this I would be concerned. Every once in awhile is no big deal to me.
Indeed. I feel these 'businesses' cheapen sex, intimacy & the true meaning of marriage. It's something that should be looked at as special between two people who truly love one another. Not that I look down on others that feel differently but I find it sad, that no body believes this anymore...
I don't care about porn, and have enjoyed it with DH in the past as well. I have been cheated on, and deeply know the pain of that, but I don't personally see porn as a betrayal unless A) it's being used to a degree that has a negative impact on our relationship (e.g. the consumption is obsessive, or it is being used as a substitute for intimate time with me, or it's creating unhealthy and unrealistic expectations, etc.), and
it's being hidden from me/I'm being lied to about it.
Strip clubs are kind of similar... I don't really care if he goes to one, as long as it isn't violating the same betrayal standards as above, and he's not groping on the women (or more). Funny thing is, I've known DH for 15 years, and he has been to a strip club fewer times than he has fingers on one hand. I even told him I'd be fine with it if he went to one for his bachelor party, but he didn't have any interest, and instead wanted to just go camping with the guys (similarly, I had zero interest in hiring a stripper or having a wild night out for my bachelorette, and we did a Napa wine tasting excursion and BBQ instead).
Ultimately, these are boundaries that should have been negotiated and worked out before getting married. Some women just aren't comfortable with it, and that's just how they feel about it. Those women shouldn't marry men who feel it's something they want to have in their life, just as much as men who feel no desire to give it up shouldn't marry women who will only be deeply hurt and offended by it.
Mama's Clone - 07/18/12
It doesn't have a place in our house. I too, would feel disrespected if he spent his time looking at/watching porn. If he wanted to go to a strip club as part of a bachelor party that wouldn't really bother me because he thinks it's as trashy as I do..
I agree with this. If I felt like viewing porn were interfering with our sexual relationship that would be a different story but it isn't now and never has interfered so I am okay with it.
ETA: We have been married for 7 years and together for 13 so if it was an issue for us it would have been something we addressed long ago.
Meh, it doesn't bother me, mainly because if he does look at it (alone), it is not frequent.
We have had a subscription to Playboy since 2005 (I read it too), we have a few porn discs (I watch them too) and strips clubs don't bother me (I go there too).
But if you're not comfortable with it, there is nothing wrong with that. It's all personal preference and the dynamic of your relationship.
So not ok with it, if he wants to see a naked lady he can look at me. Same for strip clubs... I feel like both are the same as cheating and all I can say is if he wants a home to come home to, he'll stay away from both.
This, exactly. We've even watched together.
I completely agree. I won't put up with it. I see it just as disrespectful as cheating.
Also, there is a big difference between sex positive and sex negative pornography. When most of us think of porn, we think of giant unnatural penises, semen everywhere, and women being dominated. Sometimes it's fetishized where the woman is dominant and it's treated as an unnatural occurrence meant to be stared at and questioned. That kind of stuff is degrading to everyone involved, it's very sex negative, and I would understand why any person would be angry if their partner is interested in it (I would be too).
Sex positive is a whole other story. Nudity and sex can be involved, but not always. The scenarios depicted do not place one participant above or below another in terms of power structure. A good example of sex positive vs. sex negative can be found in "toy" stores. For those of you who are familiar... think of your standard sex shop. Kind of creepy and dirty, cheaply made pink and purple plastic toys everywhere, bunny ears, things that focus on simultaneously degrade women, things that make an absolute mockery out of sex and sexual pleasure. Employees won't know a thing about what they're selling, how to clean the items, which things are good for whatever your goal might be. Their goal is to sell this pink plastic crap that mocks of sexuality. You can imagine what kind of pornography will be sold in these stores.
A sex positive store is going to be vastly different. Employees are going to be extremely knowledgable and very approachable. If you have a question, even something as broad as "I want something but I don't know what," they will know what questions to ask to appropriately help you; you won't be mocked, you won't be made to feel uncomfortable, you won't be judged. You will be assisted in picking out a toy that will best fit your needs and budget. They view sex and sexual pleasure as a natural occurrence in our lives and something that should be honored, whether it is with others or with ourselves. It is very respected. Again, you can imagine what kind of pornography you would find in these stores (typically, pornographic materials are not the focal point in these stores).
One of my favorite stores, Tulip, offers workshops to open the floor for discussion that is meant to increase knowledge and confidence. These workshops aren't explicit real life demonstrations of toy use, nor are they porn exhibitions. Here is the blurb from their website about their workshops, to further show what kind of environment a sex positive shop is going to provide:
"*Folks of all genders and sexualities are welcome at all of our workshops. Tulip is truly pansexual, gender-queer, and way beyond identity politics.Is it possible to know too much about sex, desire, sociality, fantasy, identity, intimacy, pleasure? We don't think so. We've designed a series of workshops with the goal of helping people gain sexual confidence, knowledge, and participate in intelligent, fun discussions about sex. Take control of your sex life in an atmosphere that is safe, open, and accepting. We believe that education and dialogue are central to making good sex and sociality possible for people of all genders and sexualities. We don't think people should compromise on their desire and pleasure. We believe in Pleasure Now. No more deferral. Tulip Toy Gallery wants more public spaces for sex and talk."
Anyway, I used the example of shops instead of describing, in gory detail, different kinds of pornography--there's no need for that to happen on The Bump! But the concept of positivity vs. degradation is the same in both areas. And even then, just because something is sex positive doesn't mean that everyone has to like it and want to view/partake/etc! I just wanted to make sure that the knowledge is out there, that not all pornography or everything in the world of sex sets out to be degrading and offensive.
blog! thescenery.net
This exactly! There's a play boy sitting right next me actually..haha. We've only been to 1 strip club together and it was many many moons ago. He hasn't been to one since then. It's not really for us...
I'm 100% fine with it. I honestly could not care less how he masturbates. It has 0 impact on our marriage, and my masturbation habits don't bother him either.
He's not into strip clubs. We're not against them, they just don't do anything for either of us.
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Baby RJ, born 1/25/2014
Formerly Twilightmv
This. As long as it's not interfering with our marriage, I could care less. As far as strip clubs, the only time he's gone is for bachelor parties. I've actually been to more than he has.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Absolutely against it in our marriage. It has the same emotional impact for me as cheating does.
Beyond that I have serious moral issues with it. I'm not talking about being a prude. I'm talking about the trafficking and abuse that is present in the porn industry that there is no possible way to escape. Sure the "actress" might have chosen this life for herself of her own free will. Or she could be a sex slave. You have no idea if you're "enjoying entertainment" or are the douche that is participating in her sexual slavery and rape. I feel very comfortable saying that if you have viewed porn more than a few times, (non animated) you have witnessed the sexual abuse of a slave - it's just that prevalent. If you have no issues with it in your marriage, I really encourage you to look into this aspect of it. It's so disturbing.
I don't mind DH looking at porn. I'm also ok with him going to strip clubs for "special occassions", like bachelor parties.
Please see my comment, though. You are absolute correct in many cases which is why it's important to know the differences between sex positive and sex negative. Not that you have to like it or agree with it, but it's important to know that there is such thing as pornography where nobody is being victimized, even if unfortunately it's not the norm.
blog! thescenery.net
I am totally cool with it, especially since I can't have sex during this pregnancy. It has been a little over 4 months since we've had intercourse, and although I try to take care of him in other ways, I am fine with him taking care of himself when the desire arises.
It would only bother me if he had an addiction to it, watched something super skeevy, or it was negatively impacting our relationship in some way. I don't believe it's on the same plane as cheating at all-- he is alone and there is no connection with another human...just images on a screen (most likely). I think more married men watch porn than their wives realize (even if the sex life is fine).
BFP on 1/1/11; pPROM at 19 weeks; Jameson Thomas born on 4/5/11 at 20 weeks.
Imagine a love so strong that saying hello and goodbye the same day was worth the sorrow.This is pretty much exactly how my husband and I are. The strippers at the strip clubs scare my husband so he doesn't like it there. They are too forward lol
MARRIED SINCE 09.16.11
BFP 11.19.11! STICK BABY, STICK! EDD 07.31.12
~my poor excuse for a blog~
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DS #1 Born: 10/03/06, DS #2 Born: 08/06/12 My Cooking Blog
Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!
Baby Dust To All!!!
This.
I guess Im in the minority here... but honestly Who cares about porn.. I find it interesting so many people look at it the same way at cheating... Its PORN... and he is cheating on you then with himself?!? Im confused.
I find it hard to believe that none of your husbands look at it. So do the same women who are against it, feel that your husband doesnt masterbate?
also curious if those that are against porn also don't want their husband masturbating.
porn doesn't bother me, I bet I watch more than dh does, but we don't really discuss it, as we consider masturbation a "private" matter
If watching it or masturbating became excessive for either of us it would be a problem, same if it interfered in our sex life, but it doesn't.
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d