Will vacations or a dog help me feel better?

olp79 · February 2012

hello, we lost our twin boys on 2/6 at 22w and I feel so empty. My DH wants to get me a dog. I always wanted to get a dog and he didn't and I guess he thinks that getting the dog will help me feel better. I am not sure about the dog anymore. I don't want a dog to replace my babies. What do you guys think? He also suggested to get away to a tropical place, so I've been looking for vacation packages for May. Yesterday, I was so sad and told him that I would like to try IVF again in couple of months. He doesn't want to try this year, he said next year in the winter. I am turning 33 in April and would like to get pregnant ASAP :-( but I know it won't happen 'cause he wants to wait a year. He is so stressed and sad even though he tries to hide his emotions. He even told me that he wants to go clubbing, travel, etc. I just want to be a mom :-( please help.

magdalina.h · February 2012

Before getting a dog, I would wait until you're out of the fog, which is usually around 3 months after your loss. I would go with the vacation.

krysiahamaty · February 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort and advice from the amazing ladies on this board. Like PP said I would wait on the dog just to make sure. But I would go on the vacation. It will be nice to get away. As for YH not wanting to try right away, wait a bit and both of you may change your minds as some time passes. Plus talk to your doctor about when IVF can be done again, etc.

Big hugs and we are here for you.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · February 2012

I just got back from vacation a few weeks ago and I will say it was amazing. It was nice to turn technology off and just get away. Having said that though, we thought we were being smart by booking our trip at a couples only resort as to not have to be around babies etc. and even through our best efforts we still had triggers and still broke down a few times. I still say it was much needed.

We have a dog. I always wanted a dog and DH finally allowed me to get one a few years ago. When you say dog, I don't know if you mean like a rescue or a puppy. Puppies can be difficult. All in all though, both DH and I say on a regular basis how thankful we are to have our dog. He always knows when we need extra hugs, kisses and snuggles. He loved his brother so much and there are days when I can just tell he misses him too. It breaks our hearts. I can't imagine going through what we're going through without him though. Dogs are amazing creatures.

I don't know if any of this helps, I guess I'm biased in my answer based on having both. I do think though if that you decide to TTCAL this year and want to plan a vacation, I'd recommend trip insurance. I also agree you might be best thinking a bit longer before making a decision either way on trip or dog.

dandywarhol · February 2012

I would vote for the vacation now and revisit the dog idea when you are a little more emotionally stable (I mean that in a nice way). Dogs shouldn't be adopted based on an impulse and I know that I was very impulsive after my loss. Based upon some of the answers from the other recent thread I think it is safe to say a lot of us were impulsive right after our losses.

Vacations are a perfect impulse decision. Right after the loss I spent a lot of time researching dream vacations from Alaska to cruising through Europe. The idea of escaping from "real life" was very enticing. We're going to NOLA in 9 days. This trip is more of a memorial rather than an escape. My dreams of escaping have been put on hold by lack of funds and too much to do at work. Boo.

Mjmksb04 · February 2012

I would take a vacation, especially to an adults only resort where you won't have run ins with families and children. I would definitely hold off on the dog.

weddedwife · February 2012

I agree w/ the others.

Vacation Yes

Dog (at least for now)

pb127 · February 2012

I agree with the others. A vacation was really helpful for me.

ruthymusney · February 2012

I have YET to go on a vacation. I am wanting/needing one sooo bad. Go on one.

I have a dog, and honestly, he gets on my nerves more now. I think I would leave the dog idea alone for a while too.

((big hugs))

lrichmond86 · February 2012

We had been talking about getting a puppy for a couple of years but never had found the "right" time for it. Our therapist actually suggested that we do get a dog to give us something positive to focus on and care for. In theory, great idea. In practice not so much. We got a rescue pup and had to have him put down within three days because he was so sick. It brought back all of the feelings I had been fighting against after losing our son and was a huge set back for me. I know that it is very rare for this to happen, but seeing as you asked I just wanted to share my experience.

olp79 · February 2012

Thank you girls :-) I think I'll stick with the vacations for now, I'm thinking about Punta Cana (a week in May), the dog I guess can wait, I don't want to get attached to a dog yet, I guess we'll wait. Thank you again :-)

BrittanyLeannM10 · February 2012

Ok let me just tell you about me real quick. The day of my sons funeral on the way home I seen these cute little dogs they were adoarble so I got one that very day but then the next day I called my godparent to come take the dog to a shelter. I didn't even wanna get out of bed to take care of myself yet alone a dog but hey it might make you feel better but I just wanted to share about how a dog didn't help me cause It just couldnt compare to my baby boy.

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