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misjenn
member
Coming to terms with no baby #3
misjenn
member
I have this longing for another baby and it only intensifies when I am around babies or doing a shoot with a newborn. DH also wants another but is fine with the 2 we are blessed with. We had planned on taking my IUD out in Jan but my BP was too low so Dr recommended I not do it until my next blood draw. Last week we meet with Dr and she just blatantly said "You shouldn't even consider having another one". I'm heartbroken. How do you come to terms with wanting another but not being able to and being grateful for the 2 beautiful ones I had. Both my pregnancies were hard (BR at 16w and 28w-blood and iron infusions-nurologist appointments-numerous ER visits-etc) so I know Dr is just looking out for my health but this is pretty hard.
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Re: Coming to terms with no baby #3
We're kind of in the same situation, but with one baby and not 2. I wanted 3 or 4 kids, but there's a very strong possibility that we will only be able to have 1. Even IF we are lucky enough to be able to do more fertility treatments this spring, and IF we are lucky enough to get pregnant, and IF I'm able to carry the baby to term, I can guarantee that DH will never agree to go through it a third or fourth time. I'm not going to lie, it's very hard.
Is adoption an option for you? We can't afford the private infant adoption I would want and I don't have it in me to foster which is what DH would prefer. What about surrogacy? It's pricy (around $60k I think) but it sounds like it might be an option for you.
I'll be following this post to see if anyone else has any great insights.
i'm sorry you are struggling with this. honestly if it were me, i'd probably get a second opinion. of course only you and your dr know your body and your history, but i think it might help me come to terms with it if i knew it was a consensus among medical professionals. is your dr just being overly cautious? maybe not, or maybe so.
Lots of good ideas already mentioned, I was going to suggest surrogate too.
*hugs*
I'm so sorry
If it were me, I'd definitely get a second, and maybe even third opinion. I'm not suggesting that you be reckless with your health, but maybe another Dr. has some different ideas. If that's not an option, and you really want a bio child (which I totally understand--I think adoption is wonderful, amazing, etc and it's not for us, so I know it's not for everyone), perhaps a surrogate is an option?
Big hugs to you!
Unfortunately she isn't the only Dr that has said this (I have had 2 other hematologist agree) also my OB and Dr. Be rr y both concur and said if I were to try for a 3rd that I needed to do so before 30 which just happened be 2 weeks ago.
As for adoption, I would love to do it but DH isn't on board. He thinks we should be grateful for the 2 we have along with other valid reasons for him.
we are also in a similar boat with my health and the risks involved with another pregnancy. honestly, it is something i think about everyday. some days, i am ok with it. some days, i am not. i try to savor as much little baby time as i can with beatrice b/c i know i will never have it again.
my sister often reminds me that being alive and healthy for the two children and husband i have is the most important thing. i try to remember how horrible it was when i was pregnant and how i missed out on time with ruby and my husband. mmt also reminded me that the world is suited well for families of four: cars, tables in restaurants, amusement parks, etc. those thoughts help me when i'm feeling down about it, but only so much. so, yeah, i understand and it sucks. im sorry
((hugs)) I'm so sorry. It's one thing to make the choice yourself and another to have it basically made for you.
My advice, fwiw, is to give yourself a year or so and then if you still feel strongly about wanting a third, it can't hurt to get a second opinion. Find a high-risk OB/GYN and give him or her your complete medical history and just see what they say and see where you're at physically and otherwise in a year.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
This, and ditto kiarox. There is a very real possibility that we'll only be able to have one child, and it terrifies me. There is no ounce of fiber in my being that is okay with just one child. It doesn't matter that my egg quality is excellent, that DHs count is good, it doesn't matter that my lining is great or my cervical fluid is awesome, if my endo is back (and I'm positive it is) it's killing anything and everything in there anyway, and the only way to get rid of it is surgery. A $20,000 surgery that we don't really have the money for. I *almost* doubled my meds this month, just hoping if I *did* get pregnant this month that there might be 2 in there and I might have a shot at another baby, but I chickened out. AND on top of all the endo, I have recurrent pregnancy loss to add to it.
All I can say is, do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel like another opinion would be good, go for it. You're only 2 weeks past the "time" they told you, but those 2 weeks wouldn't stop me if they gave me a (sort of) go ahead.
((hugs)) it SUCKS when our bodies don't want us to have as many babies as we would like.
I could totally see myself pondering that if I were in your position! I've often wondered if anyone ever has or considered it.
Jenn- I'm so so sorry =(. There's nothing I can say that will give you the peace you're looking for. I know what it feels like to feel like your body is conspiring against you and your wants/needs. It sucks. Just sucks.
There's not a huge chance of this ever happening again, but the one time we had a young mom who was actively considering adoption in the ER, I was quick to reassure her that I personally knew 2 people who would be worthy and very willing to adopt her newborn virtually on the spot. (holy run on sentance batman). I could have said dozens, but I think when you say that it may make the person think your standards aren't that high, KWIM? Anyway, I listen for the opportunities as I encounter them. Any of you who are at all willing to adopt, make sure that everyone you know, knows. The mom chose her high school teachers sister I think? God works in mysterious ways and maybe, just maybe, the stars will align and someone who knows you're ready to adopt will hear about a pregnant mother making the hardest decision of her life - and mention you.
I'm sorry jenn.
This really does suck.
When we were considering trying for #2, I was worried that I wouldn't be cleared to try. I have a chronic condition and pregnancy compounds those issues. My pregnancies are difficult, unpleasant, and fraught with many injections daily, and lots of doctor visits every other week. I have never known what it was like to enjoy pregnancy and just bask in the glow.
We were lucky and were OK'd for baby 2, but during that whole should-we-or-shouldn't-we, I was so upset. I was mad that my body was a broken wreck. That I could get pregnant but a pregnancy could possible put me in a serious situation. That by having another baby, I could put my own life at risk and the possibility of leaving a husband without a wife and a child without a mommy was terrifying.
We have decided that two babies is a wonderful blessing. I would like a third. DH does not, for a variety of reasons. The most important reason being my health. With my condition, every pregnancy is harder and harder on my body. My condition got a little worse after I had Ben, and worse after I had Molly. I'm doing well now and will continue to do well if I take care of myself, but another pregnancy wouldn't be doing me any favors.
You have every right to mourn the loss of your hope to have another child. You absolutely should. I don't know that another specialist would give you a different opinion, though. I hope you'll find peace in the beautiful family that you and your DH have created. I hope that you'll find peace in caring for yourself and knowing that giving your children a long life with a mommy by their side is a precious gift.
I'm sorry it sucks when your body fails you and you can't do what your mind wants. I don't have much to add just big hugs because I know how it feels. It's frustrating that so many things in life if you just work hard enough and try long enough you can make it work out-- but this is the one thing you absolutely can not control and can't do anything about.
I'm sorry.
Married October 28, 2006, TTC since March 2009 IUI #1-8 w/ clomid = BFN
IVF # 1 May, 2011 = BFP!!! Stillbirth at 26 weeks (placental failure/severe IUGR)
FET #1 February, 2012-- BFP! Beta #1=84 Beta #2= 207 Beta #3= 3,526
Our Rainbow Baby is on the Way!