Would you let your in-laws take your children....

itsmevkb · February 2012

to Disneyland?

My in-laws live out of state and so on the weekends my dh and the kids video chat with them. I typically avoid the calls because they really are so that my in-laws can see and talk to the kids. This weekend my MIL asked the kids if they wanted to go on a plane with gram and pop and visit Disneyland. This was not discussed with either my husband or me prior to them asking the kids. Of course, being three and five, both older kids screamed how they wanted to go and it's all they have been talking about since (Gram and Pop are taking us to Disneyland, we get to go on a plane, etc.).

Each summer we've allowed them to take our kids to their house for a week so they are just seeing this as how they would spend that week with the kids. I see it as overstepping and that there's a big difference between the kids spending a week at grandma's house and going to Disneyland for the first time.

I know the kids would have a great time but selfishly I want that trip to be one our family does as a family, not have it done by my in-laws.

JustaKidAtHeart · February 2012

I think it is over stepping and DH should call his parents and have a talk about that. The kids NEVER should have been asked before you.

RoxBride · February 2012

As you put it, your kids would have a great time, so that is all that matters to me. I'd let them go.

Should they have asked first? Probably.

If you want to go to Disneyland with them for the first time, then can you go along?

UsedToBeGoldie · February 2012

nope... and dh wouldn't allow it either. That's something WE do as a family.

and i'd be VERY p!ssed if someone told my kids before asking me/DH.

Mouseygail · February 2012

JustaKidAtHeart:
I think it is over stepping and DH should call his parents and have a talk about that. The kids NEVER should have been asked before you.

this! absolutely!! Now, if I were there too, sure! but not without me, I want to be part of that!!!

OrangeSmoke · February 2012

I'm torn. We just went to Disney and my MIL brought along my 3.5 year old nephew. While he had a good time, I think he would have had a much better time if his mom and dad were there.

MIL has brought up bringing one of the twins to Disney with her when she goes with my SIL and her family. DH and I have discussed and we are probably going to decline. First, how am I suppose to pick which twin?! Second, selfishly I want those experiences to be mine. I earned the right to see my child's face light up at MK. Third, I think the stress of traveling and being away from us would make the trip not as enjoyable for them.

My kids have already been to Disney twice and I'm still not ok with them going without me. So no, I don't think it's selfish that you want that first time to be with you. Is there any possible way you can join them?

samk213 · February 2012

I think it is overstepping in my opinion. I wouldn't let my kids go for a number of reasons but first, that is a trip I'd want to take with them, and second, I just wouldn't be comfortable with my children being on a plane without me and then being several states away with grandparents at a large amusement park where anything can happen. Just too many unknowns and what ifs for me.

ladychicago · February 2012

JustaKidAtHeart:
I think it is over stepping and DH should call his parents and have a talk about that. The kids NEVER should have been asked before you.

Agreed. It would be one thing if they were suggesting a trip for all of you, if they wanted to go WITH you and the kids, but to assume they can just take the kids on their own without you guys there? That is overstepping and definitely needs to be discussed. And bringing it up for the first time in front of the kids is really bad form.

wiscgirl95 · February 2012

UsedToBeGoldie:
nope... and dh wouldn't allow it either. That's something WE do as a family.

and i'd be VERY p!ssed if someone told my kids before asking me/DH.

. Ditto this. Who mentions that to kids unless it's set in stone?! And without telling you? Grrrrrrrrr!

UsedToBeGoldie · February 2012

OrangeSmoke:

MIL has brought up bringing one of the twins to Disney with her when she goes with my SIL and her family. DH and I have discussed and we are probably going to decline. First, how am I suppose to pick which twin?!

ONE twin? WTF? I can't even imagine why anyone would OFFER to bring ONE twin. I would be so insulted if someone in my family said that... no way would I send ONE twin to something that fun - no matter what the reason.

charmcitygirl · February 2012

I would completely be annoyed that they asked the kids before they brought it up to you and DH. That's unfair to you and to the kids.

Can you go with them? You probably see this week that the kids spend at the grandparents as a vacation week for yourself, but perhaps this year you can spend it as a family in Disneyland.

marcuej · February 2012

There is absolutely NO WAY I'd let anyone take my kids to Disneyland before Ben and I have the chance to do it. I want to experience that magic with my the first time. If the grandparents want to do it again later on I say they can go for it!

OrangeSmoke · February 2012

UsedToBeGoldie:
OrangeSmoke:

MIL has brought up bringing one of the twins to Disney with her when she goes with my SIL and her family. DH and I have discussed and we are probably going to decline. First, how am I suppose to pick which twin?!

ONE twin? WTF? I can't even imagine why anyone would OFFER to bring ONE twin. I would be so insulted if someone in my family said that... no way would I send ONE twin to something that fun - no matter what the reason.

Yep one twin. I get that she doesn't think she can bring both boys... but now I get to pick which one goes to Disney world??? FML!

Not to mention they are going in March of 2013 and we are planning on going Oct of that year anyway, so yeah, they'll BOTH wait and go with mommy and daddy.

njohnson1972 · February 2012

UsedToBeGoldie:
OrangeSmoke:

MIL has brought up bringing one of the twins to Disney with her when she goes with my SIL and her family. DH and I have discussed and we are probably going to decline. First, how am I suppose to pick which twin?!

ONE twin? WTF? I can't even imagine why anyone would OFFER to bring ONE twin. I would be so insulted if someone in my family said that... no way would I send ONE twin to something that fun - no matter what the reason.

That seems odd to me too.

kkghotty · February 2012

Major overstepping in my opinion. I would be furious that I wasn't asked first and would probably not agree to let my kids go, especially if I wanted to take my kids there as a family first.

ohiostategal · February 2012

I wouldn't like that. They should always ask you guys about that kind of stuff first. Also I will want to take my kids there for the first time. That is special. Finally, I would worry about them being anywhere big like that without me. Even though my parents and ILs are great with DS, I would just worry. I would just tell them that you guys were planning on doing that first trip as a family.

TamTam624 · February 2012

I would have a huge issue with them asking the kids before even discussing it with DH and I. Also, I would not let them take DS without me unless it was planned and for some reason we were unable to go.

Disney is a very special vacation that I would want to have as a family.

GuitaristsGirl · February 2012

No. And, I'm childish enough that, even if I would originally say yes, I'd be so pissed at the many ways your MIL handled it wrong (IMO), that I'd refuse anyway. Stick out tongue

LnR70707 · February 2012

No, absolutely not, aside from the fact that MIL smokes and I don't trust her not to do it around DS if I'm not there (she does it with all her other grandkids), that is a pretty special trip for a kid and I'd want to be the one that took them first. Not asking you first was a major overstepping of boundaries

nikinikinine · February 2012

I definitely think it's something that should have been discussed with you too. At this point you have three options -

1.) go with them

2.) have your husband have a talk with the IL's about the line that was inadvertently crossed and then take the kids to disney yourselves

or 3.) let them go and suck it up.

I'd be irritated too, but if the kids were happy and had a good week, then I'd be able to get over myself (maybe, but I'd definitely hold a grudge LOL)

Dr.Loretta · February 2012

On the one hand, eh, it's Disneyland, and if you'll have an opportunity to go as a family again sometime, I wouldn't make a big deal about it.

On the other, I hate it when people make grand plans like this, announce it to kids, and don't mention it beforehand to the parents. That sets you up to be the bad guy.

Is there a way you can all go see the ILs and do Disneyland together?

sasa625 · February 2012

There would be no way I would let MIL take DD to Disney without DH and I, especially if it was her first time. It would be one thing if they offered to take all of you, but I don't know why they would think it'd be ok for you to miss that special trip with your children!

I would have DH explain to them that they should not have told the kids without asking you first. Then they should be the ones to tell the kids the plans have changed (unless you're able to work something out where you all go).

I understand they'd have a great time, but I just couldn't let DD go without me... maybe that's a little selfish of me, but that's how I feel (and we've already taken her to Disney once and we're planning a return trip sometime this year).

pamela-matt · February 2012

I feel like it is overstepping and I would want the first time to be as a family, my little family. I guess I am lucky in that when BIL and fianc? want to take my 3 year old somewhere like the aquarium, they always as first even if he is staying with them for the night (they are local) in case we want to take him his first time. They should have never asked without talking to you first and getting your blessing. I am sorry. Not a fun spot to be put in

preheatedoven · February 2012

First she redecorates your bathroom w/o asking and now this? I swear, you need to take her on Dr. Phil

And, no, there is no way in hell I would allow that.

LIAngel · February 2012

I wouldn't. I am also selfish and when my kids get to go to Disney for the 1st time, you better believe I want to be there for that. I'm sure for us it's a few years away, but I cannot wait for that. Just to see the wonder and amazement on their little faces is priceless. And also, for me I am paranoid and would be scared something would happen to them.

Okay now I want to go to Disney.

LIAngel · February 2012

UsedToBeGoldie:

nope... and dh wouldn't allow it either. That's something WE do as a family.

and i'd be VERY p!ssed if someone told my kids before asking me/DH.

Ditto this.

dana316 · February 2012

I'm just trying to figure out how you will tell your kids they can't go...that's going to be a hard pill for them to swallow.

Totally not cool of your MIL to mention it to them before clearing it with you...that's awful.

To answer your question, no, I wouldn't let them go in that situation. I want to be with them the first time they go...and the ILs can tag along if they wish. Mine never would, but that's beside the point.

madybug · February 2012

I would let my inlaws take my kids to disneyland, I think its only natural for grandparents to want to spoil and do fun things with them. I would be very nervous about my kids being in a crowded public place without me though.

BUT no i wouldnt let their first trip to be without me. It would have been the right thing for them to atleast talk to you about it before telling the kids something like that. I would tell them how you feel and find a good solution of maybe it being a whole family trip.

mrsolsenk12 · February 2012

Total overstepping. I csnt believe they asked the kids before you. She probably thinks thst this way you wont say no. I would hsvr your dh talk to her and then explain it to the kids.Going to Disney is a special thing and there is no way they would go without me.

gringa78 · February 2012

It is definitely overstepping. They should have discussed it with you and gotten your permission first. If you want to take the kids yourself for the first time, you should.

lrrb · February 2012

I totally would let them take them. If you can't afford it as a family just yet (not saying you can't don't take that the wrong way) then by all means if they are willing to pay the CRAZY expense it is to go there I think I would totally let them go. They would LOVE it and ummm I would like the time alone with my hubby haha.

MAK06 · February 2012

Mouseygail:
JustaKidAtHeart:
I think it is over stepping and DH should call his parents and have a talk about that. The kids NEVER should have been asked before you.
this! absolutely!! Now, if I were there too, sure! but not without me, I want to be part of that!!!

All of this! I would appreciate the gesture but definitely be upset it was brought up to the kids and not discussed with you first! And I'd want to be there for Disney!

krissyh21 · February 2012

I didn't read through the majority of the posts but I would have an issue with them offering anything without checking with me first. Also, for big things (and DL is a big thing in my world) I would be the FIRST to take them and then they could take them for trips after that.

I do think it would be a very magical memory to spend the trip w/ their grandparents - it was for Dillon and his g-ma, but I was there too.

dundasgirl · February 2012

I would let my ILs take my kids to Disney. I wouldn't be happy if they told the kids before they cleared it with us.

I don't think my ILs would ever think of taking our kids on a trip like that, but if they wanted to, I would be okay with it.

I don't have parents. I want my kids to have awesome memories with the grandparents they do have.

Also....I don't think I am as big on Disney as some other people.

BUT having said all that...I know your history with your overstepping MIL and I can see why you would be extra upset.

JillRock96 · February 2012

No way. That is something we would do as a family. Maybe the grandparents will be invited along, but then again, maybe not. And it should NEVER have been brought up in front of the kids before you had discussed it in private. I would be very upset.

In the grand scheme of things, I think that going on a vacation with them is not that big of a deal. But because it is Disney, it hits a nerve with me. I have been looking forward to taking my kids to Disney since I was a teenager and saw how my little brother experienced it for the first time.

browneyedgrl4282 · February 2012

First of all they shouldn't be asking your children if they want to go somewhere without discussing it with you before hand! That would piss me off to no end.

Second, I would have issues with my IL's taking them because well they would not be able to handle them alone in the park! I would not feel comfortable having someone take my kids on plane without me.

This is coming from a woman who has been to disney with her kids 5 times already. It is family vacation, if they want to experience that with the kids the entire family goes!

futrkingsley · February 2012

I would be livid about grandparents totally overstepping boundaries and promising a trip to kids without clearing it first. I abhor being made to be the bad guy. It feels manipulative to me -- using my desire not to disappoint my kid to get your way? No freaking way.

So if it were me, I would totally tell DS the truth -- gramma and grampa were supposed to clear it with me first and they did not. I am your mom and I want to go with you before you go with any one else. So you can visit them this summer as planned but it won't be at Disney. I put all the onus on grandparents not following rules and why the rules are the way they are. Use it to teach boundaries.

As for first trips to Disney, I guess I care. But not that much. I'm not excited to take DS or anything. I tend not to focus on how magical it is and instead on how expensive it is, how overwhelming it can be, how little he knows about it (which means it will seem less magical if it even seems interesting). If someone else wanted to pay for it, maybe we'd go. I certainly wouldn't allow anyone to take DS there without me -- no way no how. Too big, too much, and I don't trust anyone that much. And I don't need to be there for every first he has -- especially ones I don't care about. I was totally on board with my mom taking DS to the local big fancy aquarium without us, but DH veto'd it. I let her take him to our local tiny zoo/amusement park without us without worrying and it went well though in retrospect it was too much for them (he ran off with cousins and she couldn't catch him so he got a lecture and got upset).

itsmevkb · February 2012

Thanks ladies. Sometimes I just need to check and make sure I"m not missing something when my MIL seems shocked that I won't just go along with every suggestion. I feel I'm pretty accomodating and do just about everything I can to foster a good relationship between them and the kids. They actually spend more time with my kids than my parents, who live in town, just by virtue of our letting them take them for a week or more each year and when they visit us they are basically with the kids 12 hours a day.

My husband is quite good at dealing with his parents and even he was surprised that they brought it up in front of the kids first. I guess he talked to them today and they said they intended it to be an invitation for all of us but only after he said they wouldn't be taking just the kids the first time (after the first time I probably wouldn't care so much). So, that changes things somewhat, although I would not want to bring the baby, he would only be about a year-old so we would need to find someone to care for him while we were gone. We have talked about going to Disney but our plan was to wait until Sully was old enough to enjoy it, so like 3-5 years from now.

Now I just need to figure out how I'll manage an entire week spent with my MIL.

DeputiesWife · February 2012

I probably wouldnt. wait, i KNOW i wouldnt.

My MIL says crap like this all the time -- that she is goign to take her to Russia (where DH is from) or how she should go on a plane up to our hometown to visit her.

I dont say anything because it will turn into an argument with MIL -- DH says to just ignore her and DD goes Im not going with out mommy and daddy because they will miss me. (smart kid)

Dragonfly1226 · February 2012

No way. Never. I would want to be there for my kids' first Disney trip. I cannot believe they told the kids before even mentioning it to you!

queenbone · February 2012

I would be on fire!!!

I don't think any parent would want someone else taking their children to Disneyland for the first time ever. If you lived in LA and it was no big deal, sure. But this is their first time! And they didn't ask you first?! I'd be so pissed because now you kind of have to put everything on hold and plan your own Disneyland trip now. The more I think about it the more mad I get for you.

But to answer your question specifically, no I'd never let my ILs take my children to Disneyland. My MIL is notorious for losing children. She is a horrible babysitter. FIL alone would be fine if the children had already been there on a trip with us and were older.

Plus do they even really know what they are getting themselves into with your children being so young?

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