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I survived

careyaliscareyalis member
in Late Term and Child Loss
My baby's funeral was today and I lived through it. It was absolutely beautiful but so, so very hard. I am still shocked at how many people showed up-there was standing room only. We dressed her and rocked her again this morning. She is still as beautiful as ever. She just looked like a sleeping angel and she was so precious in her dress and bonnet. I wrote Avery a letter and read it to her during the funeral. I felt like I was going to collapse, but my husband was there holding me up and I was able to get through it. Since her casket was so small, they had her ride in a limo with us and our parents instead of using a hearse.  I liked that she was right there with us. I did alright until they lowered he into the ground and then I just completely lost it. I feel so incredibly broken right now and I want to hold her again so badly. I want my baby back. 



My angel Avery- 2/16/12, My rainbow Blake= 3/4/13, Joyfully awaiting #3 5/11/15
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Re: I survived

  • dandywarholdandywarhol member
    {{hugs}} My heart aches for you.  I wish I could have been at her service to support you.  It sounds like you had a touching funeral for Avery.  How nice that so many people showed up to support you, your family, and Avery.  You are so strong to be able to read your letter to Avery.  I couldn't do the same for Sylvie's service.  
    BFP #1 - Missed M/C, D&C 3.21.11

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    BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
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    BFP  #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
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  • Gizu92708Gizu92708 member
    I'm sorry. Big hugs.
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  • mrssopranomrssoprano member
    I am so sorry. (((hugs)))
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  • weddedwifeweddedwife member

    I'm so proud that you made it through. And how wonderful that so many people showed up to support you and to celebrate Avery's life. I know it hurts right now but I think long term you will be happy with the funeral service.

    I'm thinking of you with love! Big hugs, mama.

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  • pottermommypottermommy member
    The internment was the hatdest part for me as well.  Big hugs my love.
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  • pandabearloverpandabearlover
    Hugs. Avery is so loved!
    Momma to 2 sweet girls here on earth and a precious baby boy in heaven
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  • drvst8drvst8 member
    Huge Hugs! The serivce sounded beautiful. Avery is definitely loved and she knows it.
    Logan Gregory born sleeping 9/29/2011 @ 40wks 2days Forever in our hearts Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • StephK86StephK86

    HUGS I am crying with you momma. You are so brave to read to her at the funeral. I know she was listening to every word and so glad you read that to her. I wanted to do the same so bad but knew I couldn't. My mom read a beautiful letter she wrote which included stories I told her about the adventures my SO and I had with our new baby. I couldn't breathe while she was reading it. I think the worst for me was when Gavin was lowered in to the ground my SO who held his composure the whole time dropped to his knees. You are a very brave, strong woman.

    My heart hurts for you so bad and I was thinking of you all day yesterday. I am continuing to pray for your strength.

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  • krysiahamatykrysiahamaty
    I am crying for you right now. I'm so sorry. Big huge hugs. I am happy to hear it was so beautiful. 
    TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    ((hugs))
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  • HeatherhahHeatherhah member
    Hugs to you!!
    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
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  • LuckEinLuvLuckEinLuv member
    {{hugs}}. I was thinking of you yesterday. I am sure Avery loved your letter. I am so sorry that you had to watch them put her in the ground. Just remember that she is not really down there. She is a beautiful angel flying around happy and healthy. 
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  • Mjmksb04Mjmksb04 member
    I am sorry.
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  • cherrycobblercherrycobbler member
    I'm so glad you had a beautiful service and there was such an outpouring of love and support from your friends and family.  Somehow, it seems to be comforting to know that our little ones touched so many lives in their short stays with us.  Lots of hugs to you and your family.
    BFP#1: EDD 10/11/11 Our sweet boy Robin was born 7 weeks a little early on 8/23/11 due to HELLP syndrome, unfortunately he was diagnosed with Trisomy13 and left us on 8/29/11. BFP#2: EDD 10/13/13
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  • karebear57karebear57 member
    ((Hugs)) ((Hugs)) ((Hugs)) It sounds like it was a beautiful service. Avery's so lucky to have you as a mom. I know you have made her proud when you read your poem, I know I wouldn't have been able to do that.
    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • nuttycoconutnuttycoconut member
    I've been away so I'm just catching up with the board. I'm so sorry about your beautiful baby Avery. I was happy to read that you were able to spend some time with her before she passed and that her service was so beautiful. Big hugs. 
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    IVF #1 BFP b/g twins!; loss at 23 weeks due to I.C. and PTL. IVF #2 BFP 5/26/12; due date 2/6/13; TAC surgery 7/20/12, blessed with another girl & boy! 

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  • Auki13Auki13 member
    I remember burying Annabelle like it was yesterday.  No mother should have to bury her baby.  I am so so sorry, but I am glad that it went well and you were able to say goodbye in such a beautiful way.  I also lost it when they put the casket in the ground.  It broke my heart and I couldn't watch.  (((HUGE HUGS)))
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  • johnnys junejohnnys june member
    *huge hugs*
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  • MandynStephenMandynStephen member
    (((hugs)))  One of the hardest things we should never have to do.
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  • AnaJourneyAnaJourney
    I am so sorry. I've been following your story. I have been wanting to say something but didn't quite know how I could articulate quite what I wanted to say. You are an amazing example of grace and strength. I don't think I could have the courage and poise that you do at this moment in time. Your love for your daughter is amazing, so amazing that we all feel it. I've been thinking about you and even though you don't know me I want you to know that beautiful Avery and your family are in my prayers. Hang in there, momma.
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  • Bread09Bread09 member
    I'm so sorry.
    TTC #1 since 4/09
    2/21/11: IVF #1 Begins and results in TWINS!
    11/4/11: The twins are born at 36w4d!
    11/5/11: We said goodbye to our sweet baby girl as she was born with multiple complications and a severe heart defect, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.
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  • foxxy1foxxy1 member

    *HUGE HUGS*

    I'm just so, so sorry, Carey.

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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member
    I am just so very sorry !  (((hugs)))
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  • lpeter01lpeter01

    I am giving you an air HUG..   I am crying for you right now and want you to know you are being of thought of at this very moment...  Take Care Carey.  I wish we could have them back too..  :(

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  • CaroleeCarolee member
    That sounds like a beautiful service, and I am sure that Avery loved the letter you wrote her.  Big (((HUGS))).
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • pb&fluffpb&fluff member
    Huge hugs to you, carey. 
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    <3<3 "You know my name, not my story.
    You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
    If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step." <3<3


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  • pb127pb127 member
    Oh Carey. I don't know what to say but to tell you how sorry I am. Sending you lots of love and (((HUGS)))
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