Is there some kind of emotional uptick around 3/3.5?

KathrynMD · February 2012

DD has been getting so emotional about the dumbest things lately - yesterday, there were tears and wailing b/c her waffle didn't have syrup on it, this morning it was because she couldn't find the bow on her skirt.

I'm not sure if she's just turning on the dramatics or if she's genuinely devastated by such minor things. She's generally pretty logical (I know she's 3. ... ) but she can discuss things and we can negotiate lots of things.

ShanJosh777 · February 2012

DS seems a lot more sensitive over the last few months. It's not so much tantrums anymore, as seeming genuinely hurt/upset about odd things.

For example, I told him he could call his grandma on Tuesday and tell her happy valentine's day, and tell her about his party. He called her, and apparently she said happy valentine's day first. He got all puckered up, huge tears, etc. because "she ruined it."

AgrippaRidesAgain · February 2012

Yes. There is an increase in drama at 3 and another increase at 3.5. Thus far, it's my least favorite year, and that's saying a lot, considering that DS had colic and was a generally unhappy baby until he hit 10 months old.

KimandRoss0115 · February 2012

3 has by far been the worst for us. I would rather be in a room with 10 sugared up 2 year olds than my one 3 year old some days. Drama, emotions, all that has exponentially increased. Someone told me it slows down as they get closer to 4, but he'll be 4 next week and it definitely has not.

bim38106 · February 2012

It makes me feel so much better to read all this! Yes, DD1 has been super sensitive lately. It drives me crazy sometimes. She will be 4 tomorrow and while some of the drama has lessened, it's gotten worse in other areas. For example, if she sees DH and I laughing, she will either 1- get mad and tell us not to laugh at her, or 2- start crying that we're laughing at her...and it has nothing to do with her! So not only is it sensitivity/drama, it also seems to be an age of major increase in self-awareness...or whatever you want to call it.

futrkingsley · February 2012

Three has been crazy hard for us. "Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy," helped me see the pattern for what it was (which is normal) rather than my kid being insane. The books suggests that 3.5 is worse than 3 or 4 but DS really rough period (wanting independence, fighting for control, ugly fits, crying over things that came out of the blue) came at 3 and 6 weeks. He's past 3.5 now and so far it's been much better than 3.

KathrynMD · February 2012

hmmmm - very interesting.

I've been expecting more tantrums, but that doesn't seem to be happening, just more "sensitive" and ditto PP re the increase in self-awareness.

KarBear · February 2012

You mean when she cries when you move her bowl two inches to the right or put on pink socks instead of purple socks...then yeah, we have lots of emotional upticks

Paigeo · February 2012

KarBear:
You mean when she cries when you move her bowl two inches to the right or put on pink socks instead of purple socks...then yeah, we have lots of emotional upticks

This! For us 3 was much tougher then 2. Things started calming down for us once we got past 3.5.

mavs_girl07 · February 2012

Ohhh yes. Someone not too long ago posted a link to a comedic bit by Louis C.K. about raising a 3yr old. You should totally find it, because I laughed so hard I cried. It was EXACTLY what life is like with DD. It's like everything is a personal assault against her. She's also gotten very sassy and picks things up at school like "FINE!!" ::folds arms and pouts:: , and "You're not my friend and you can't play with me!", and "I don't like you!" Between her behavior and DS's difficulties with napping and teething, I'm ready to pull my hair out by the end of the day.

bim38106 · February 2012

mavs_girl07:
Ohhh yes. Someone not too long ago posted a link to a comedic bit by Louis C.K. about raising a 3yr old. You should totally find it, because I laughed so hard I cried. It was EXACTLY what life is like with DD. It's like everything is a personal assault against her. She's also gotten very sassy and picks things up at school like "FINE!!" ::folds arms and pouts:: , and "You're not my friend and you can't play with me!", and "I don't like you!" Between her behavior and DS's difficulties with napping and teething, I'm ready to pull my hair out by the end of the day.

O.M.G...I'm listening to it right now and it is hilarious! And so right on! LMAO

kes77 · February 2012

DD is like this too - gets upset over the smallest things. She too is very verbal and logical but sometimes she can use these tools to manipulate DH and I into getting her way (we call her the priceline negotiator - lol) I think it has to do with her age and it's just her personality, she's determined and strong willed - we have to stand our ground with some things and others we just ignore but we've had quite a few battles over ridiculous things (once I absentmindedly opened her yogurt and it sent her in a tailspin) I noticed around when she turned 4 things got slightly better but we still have out moments

Mrs.JLC · February 2012

KarBear:
You mean when she cries when you move her bowl two inches to the right or put on pink socks instead of purple socks...then yeah, we have lots of emotional upticks

This is my daughter exactly. Her name is Cat as well. Yesterday she cried because she was running with one of her friends and he ran TWO steps ahead of her. Crying

4Speedy · February 2012

I remember reading an article about this when my DD was 3, which was about 3 years ago. So don't quote me as a scientific source as I'm doing my best to recall the gist of the article.

Around age three, kids go through a second stage of emotional development. They start to develop more complex levels of emotion. Up to this point, they knew happy, sad, mad, etc. around age three, the emotions that require a higher level of thought develop, such as envy. The good news is that at this age, your child a beginning to be capable of real love (up until this point, when your child said "I love you," they really meant "you make me feel good when I'm with you.").

So your child is experiencing a lot of new emotions right now. The problem is, the part of the brain that regulates emotions doesn't develop at the same rate. That part of the brain catches up around age 8 yo. Your kid is having all kinds of new emotions and she has no idea what to do with them. It takes practice to know how to react appropriately to emotions. Right now, you can't do a darn thing to make your child feel less emotional but you can help give her the tools to act appropriately despite the emotions.

When your child gets her feelings hurt, rest assured, it truly is the worst thing she has ever felt in her life. It's not made up drama, she really is feeling just that horrible. I remember back then that it actually helped me get through all the tear filled days to at least understand why it was happening and know that it was just a normal stage of development.

macchiatto · February 2012

4Speedy:
I remember reading an article about this when my DD was 3, which was about 3 years ago. So don't quote me as a scientific source as I'm doing my best to recall the gist of the article.
Around age three, kids go through a second stage of emotional development. They start to develop more complex levels of emotion. Up to this point, they knew happy, sad, mad, etc. around age three, the emotions that require a higher level of thought develop, such as envy. The good news is that at this age, your child a beginning to be capable of real love (up until this point, when your child said "I love you," they really meant "you make me feel good when I'm with you.").
So your child is experiencing a lot of new emotions right now. The problem is, the part of the brain that regulates emotions doesn't develop at the same rate. That part of the brain catches up around age 8 yo. Your kid is having all kinds of new emotions and she has no idea what to do with them. It takes practice to know how to react appropriately to emotions. Right now, you can't do a darn thing to make your child feel less emotional but you can help give her the tools to act appropriately despite the emotions.
When your child gets her feelings hurt, rest assured, it truly is the worst thing she has ever felt in her life. It's not made up drama, she really is feeling just that horrible. I remember back then that it actually helped me get through all the tear filled days to at least understand why it was happening and know that it was just a normal stage of development.

I'm just about 6 weeks into age 3 (times 2) and it is wearing me out with all the drama and constant arguing. So this is good to read! Thanks for the perspective.

shouldbworkin · February 2012

Each stage brings its own joys. Three can be tough b/c of the whole control thing. Each year they're working toward mastering different emotions they don't completely understand and can't complete express until they're older.

lmdbww · February 2012

This post has been so enlightening! Thanks so much for asking this. I have been wondering what's up w/DD the past few months, I thought it was just from stopping mid day naps, but I guess not!

Pesky · February 2012

Lord yes. And now DS is beginning to go there as DD is emerging. I finally started pointing out to DD that she could choose to be upset about it and sad or could sigh and go back to trying to be happy about other things, but it was her choice to be sad or happy. Phrasing it like that seemed to help her snap out of it a lot.

jlw2505 · February 2012

Yes - at age 3, kids are becoming so much more aware of things around them, they are relazing they have choices, have power, etc. Everything becomes more dramatic.

egsquared · February 2012

bim38106:

mavs_girl07:
Ohhh yes. Someone not too long ago posted a link to a comedic bit by Louis C.K. about raising a 3yr old. You should totally find it, because I laughed so hard I cried. It was EXACTLY what life is like with DD. It's like everything is a personal assault against her. She's also gotten very sassy and picks things up at school like "FINE!!" ::folds arms and pouts:: , and "You're not my friend and you can't play with me!", and "I don't like you!" Between her behavior and DS's difficulties with napping and teething, I'm ready to pull my hair out by the end of the day.

O.M.G...I'm listening to it right now and it is hilarious! And so right on! LMAO

Lurking over here. DH and I are listening to this right now. DD is only 2.5, but we can't stop laughing! We already see some of this in DD.

mavs_girl07 · February 2012

egsquared:
bim38106:

mavs_girl07:
Ohhh yes. Someone not too long ago posted a link to a comedic bit by Louis C.K. about raising a 3yr old. You should totally find it, because I laughed so hard I cried. It was EXACTLY what life is like with DD. It's like everything is a personal assault against her. She's also gotten very sassy and picks things up at school like "FINE!!" ::folds arms and pouts:: , and "You're not my friend and you can't play with me!", and "I don't like you!" Between her behavior and DS's difficulties with napping and teething, I'm ready to pull my hair out by the end of the day.

O.M.G...I'm listening to it right now and it is hilarious! And so right on! LMAO

Lurking over here. DH and I are listening to this right now. DD is only 2.5, but we can't stop laughing! We already see some of this in DD.

I seriously died listening to this bit. I could've done without the second half about the poop, but the first half about the french toast and the pig newtons...DH and I could not stop laughing, it just exactly described life with our 3yr old.

wheelsonthebus · February 2012

I'm glad you posted this. DS will be three in a couple of weeks and just in the last week or so he's been acting so different. It's almost like terrible twos with ridiculous outbursts over silly things, but with more emotion. I can see it getting worse as he gets older.

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Is there some kind of emotional uptick around 3/3.5?

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