Thanks for all of your sweet comments and support. I just had a chance to read all of your thoughtful messages from Thursday. Today has been the hardest day yet. My milk came in this morning and I have nothing to wear for Avery's funeral tomorrow so I went to the mall. That was a huge mistake and I had to hysterically cry my way out of macys. Everywhere I turned was a beautiful, healthy baby. If it wasn't a baby, it was an adorable little girl or happily pregnant woman. I'm just going to wear maternity clothes and be done with it. Avery's birth was perfect though and I am so thankful for that. We kept her all day Thursday, had them take her while we slept, and then kept her until I was discharged. It was sooooo hard to hand her over. We planned her funeral and picked her grave yesterday. We held her again at the funeral home which was really awesome and we are going back to dress her before her funeral tomorrow. I don't know if I am strong enough for this. My heart just hurts so much. I posted her birth story on my blog if anyone is interested. It is www.averyalis.blogspot.com. Her obituary is up on the funeral home's website too. It is
https://obit.memorialobituaries.com/obitdisplay.html?id=1034062&cliehttps://obit.memorialobituaries.com/obitdisplay.html?id=1034062&clientid=rattermanntid=ratterman (sorry its not clicky). Thanks again for all of your love and support. It means a lot to have people who understand. I may not know you irl, but Iove you all.
My angel Avery- 2/16/12, My rainbow Blake= 3/4/13, Joyfully awaiting #3 5/11/15
Re: Thank you all
Carey, you're so welcome. Please know we're all here for you. I'm giving so much love to you and your husband through your trying times.
Mother to DD, born sleeping on 9/28/11, and DS, born 3/12/13, 5lbs 13oz, 19in
Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!
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I am so sorry for your loss. I remember when my mom drug me along to get dresses for my son's funeral and wake. The two of us honestly just grabbed whatever we found in black and left. I cried the whole time but kept my big sunglasses on. Now that I think of it, it wasn't that important what I wore. I just was unable to think for myself at that time.
Wear whatever you want. I am thinking of you at this difficult time hunny. I know how hard it is and the worst part is the funeral. If you ever need to talk I will listen. HUGS again I am so, so sorry. Praying for your strength.
I completely forgot about the milk issue at Carter's funeral (I was pumping and ended up going eight hours without a pump) and by the end of the funeral, my shirt was soaked (thankfully I had a suit jacket over it). Everyone kept coming up to me giving me tight hugs. People forget about the boobs. I only tell you that in case you don't have a plan already.
Many prayers of strength for the funeral. It is a hard day.
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
Leaving the hospital without Nathaniel was the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm sorry you are going through all of these emotions now.
Try cabbage leaves for your breasts; I also used frozen bags of peas on mine & it really helped.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know we all wish we could be there to support you IRL.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I've been avoiding TB since we got our poor prenatal diagnosis back in December, so I'm new to this board and had to catch up with your story on your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. Glad you got to have peaceful time with sweet, Avery. Sending you t&p on this day to you and your family.
*side note* I recognize your profile name. I used to live on April 2012 Mom board; did you post there? We got a fatal diagnosis and I went into labor at 28 weeks. Zachary lived for an hour before he passed peacefully in my DH's arms. Through tears I read most of your blog last night and I admire your strength to write (and share) your experience.
Like the pp said I used cold cabbage leaves and a bad of frozen veggies to prevent and keep the milk dried up and also to help with breast soreness.
Callan George and Bennett Charles born and died 11/7/10
FET #1 April 2011= BFN
FET #2 July 2011= no transfer because my lining sucked
FET #3 February 2012= BFP! 1st beta 9dp5dt=314 2nd beta 11dp5dt=977 1st U/S 3/20 Twins- Heart rates of 111 and 138
Living After Losing
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