Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
imurs8228
member
Re: How many c-sections can you have?
I'm interested to see if anyone has any conclusive answer to this based on studies and whatnot. I have heard of people having four c-sections, but I have also heard that the more you have, the more risky the pregnancies and deliveries become. I think the latter is probably true; it just makes sense. But I don't know to what extent - I don't know HOW dangerous a second or third c/s is as compared to a first. And I don't know if it's a risk I'd be willing to take..when does it become too risky? I assume I'll be doing more research on this myself when I get pregnant again. I realize I'm no help at all in regards to your actual question, lol.
My labor went similarly to yours the first time around (23 hours of labor, 3.5 hours pushing) but I fully intend to try for a VBAC next time around. We also have talked about having three babies and I'd like to avoid a second (and maybe third) surgery if possible.
Different doctors have different opinions. My previous ob told me I can have 5. My current ob didn't specify the number, but she said after 2 c-sections, I'll always have to have c-sections in the future. My husband's co-worker's wife had 3 c-sections with no problem, and their kids are 18 months apart. They are thinking about having another one.
On the other hand, my friend's ob said she could only have 2 c-sections, and she had to wait at least 2 years to get pregnant again after one. She doesn't have any medical conditions. It's just her doctor's policy, I think mainly because he doesn't want to get sued if something goes wrong. I told her she could always find another doctor, but she doesn't want any more kids, so it was fine with her.
There are a lot of 3rd timers on this board:)
Proud mother of two breech babies:)
I talked to several of the OBs in my practice about this. All of them said it really depends on the woman and how they heal and recover after c/s. None of them throught twice about me being pg with #3 b/c I had easy recoveries from my other 2 and had minimal scar tissue. This is it for us. I will be having my tubes tied during my 3rd c/s in June
My practice will make you have a c/s with the 3rd if you have had 2 previous c/s. Also one of my friends that goes to my practice had her 3rd c/s about a year ago and she had 2 of the OBs in the OR instead of an OB and a surgery nurse. I've asked about this at my appts and it didn't seem like I would have that so I don't know if there was something special with her case or not.
Thanks for all of the info!
I made the choice that I didn't want a VBAC for multiple reasons. It really sucks, I can't even hear about people having natural births without being totally bummed for missing out on my birth experience. (It wasn't routine, I don't remember anything from the OR and didn't get to see my son until about 4 hours after I delivered. Miss his first bath and everything.)
My doctor told me the max he felt comfortable with was 4. That was a non-issue for me as I only want 2-3 kids. By the 6th section the risk to mom are fairly big.
Here's some research--
https://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20060607/more-c-sections-more-complications
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15548394
This isn't true. VBAC or RCS are both reasonable options, and are about as risky as each other (though they have different risks). The rate of uterine rupture is about .5-.7%
The safety of having more than two c-sections does just depend on the woman, but the risks of complications (either with the surgery, or with subsequent pregnancies) go up with each one.
Here's a medical journal about the risks associated with c-sections (not to scare anyone!).
https://www.ajog.org/article/S0002-9378%2811%2901264-6/fulltext
ETA: OP, sorry, missed your second post!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
OP said VBAC wasn't an option for her. But this information is correct. Not sure why the first poster in the thread thinks many doctors don't do VBACs. It's actually becoming more common now that the research has shown in many cases it's safer. Obviously there are risks with c/s and VBAC so you have to take a closer look.
For OP- my SIL had 4 c/s's. She came through all four just fine but her third and fourth children had NICU stays as a result of complications from the c/s's. Both children are fine now. I believe she was advised not to have any more after #4.