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Driving home with nothing

Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
in Infertility Veterans
We aren't doing a transfer. My lone embie was only 1 cell this morning on Day 2. Even if it grows to 2 cells by tomorrow it won't make it so I am not bothering to transfer it. I just feel empty and wiped out. Not sure I can do this again and DH doesn't want to do DE. I also have to do a sonohystergram as I probably have a polyp that needs to come out via hysteroscopy. I just want to throw in the towel as it all seems hopeless and I am going to end up CFNBC. Thanks for all the support yesterday.

TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

imageimage

SAIF/PAIF Welcome


http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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Re: Driving home with nothing

  • M&MBride0506M&MBride0506
    This is not what I wanted to hear.  I'm so sorry sweetie.  ((hugs))
    My Wonderful Sister is my GC!!!! 3 IUIs, 2 unmedicated, 1 50mg of Clomid = All BFNs Next step IVF!!!! Melinda & Michael 5*6*06 God Bless The Broken Road
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  • lynn0926lynn0926 member
    No! I am so heart broken for you! This makes me sad. You need to take care of yourselves and your marriage. Take your time with any decisions. There is no need to rush into any decisions. Sending huge huge hugs your way. You had talked about a trip a few months ago, maybe now is the time to take that trip. You and your H deserve it! You have been through a lot.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • HappyIAmHappyIAm member
    I am so very sorry honey!!!!  {HUGS}

    image
    After 6 long years of TTC and a traumatic birth... I finally got to hold my baby in my arms!

    'Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.'Psalm 37:4

    2006 start TTC

    2007 Start w/ RE (Endo and MFI previous marriage)/ 2008 Vericocele surgery/3 clomid cycles
    2009 Lap removed stage III endo/ 2 failed IUI/ Divorce

    2011 Remarried
    October 2011 Dx: Endo & DOR/ November 2011- clomid & TI cycle
    January 2012 IVF~  Flare protocol 10 ER/ 9 mature fertilized with ICSI/ ET- 2 Grade A Blasts/ 4 frozen= BFN
    Febuary 2012- -Endo Biopsy/  MTHFR diagnosis
    March 8- FET 2 grade A blasts= BFP!!!!

    November 2012-  Charles was born by emergency C-Section

    Dealing with:
    Stage III Endo/ DOR/ MTHFR two mutations C677T & A1298C

    Currently TTC #2  FET planned January 2014

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  • thewormstheworms member

    ((HUGS))

    i am so heart-broken for you.

     

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
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  • Temp590840000005378Temp590840000005378
    Oh nooooo!!! I'm so sad to read this, my heart hurts for you, I'm so sorry hun!! Sometimes life just doesn't make sense or seem fair... ugh!!! ((BIG HUGS)) Broken Heart
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  • jessican08jessican08 member

    Oh no! I'm so sorry, Sweetie ((HUGE HUGS))

    We're here for you <3

    TTC 12/2009
    Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
    IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
    IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
    E & C Born 10/19/2012
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Delta04Delta04 member

    My heart is breaking for you right now.  I wish I had words to make it all better.

    ::hugs::

    TTC since 3/07. IVF#1 = canceled. IVF#2 = 0% fertilization. IVF#3 = BFN. IVF#4 = c/p.  
    Moving forward with Adoption 2017!
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  • MelicakesMelicakes member
    SO very sorry hun , big HUGS
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  • thebeadingladythebeadinglady
    I am so sorry sweetie (((hugs))), there are just no words.
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  • eponine7682eponine7682 member
    I'm so very sorry. Huge hugs hun.
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    TTC since March/April 2010
    DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
    DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
    June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
    Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
    IVF - January 2012: BFN
    FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
    After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
    image
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  • reb259reb259 member
    So sorry McIrish... I hope you and H can come to an agreement on next steps.  Here if you needed to talk!!
    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
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  • TripplebTrippleb member

    Huge hugs McIrish.  

    TTC #1 since 9/07
    Dx MFI, AMA, Endo, AMH .16
    Lap 10/09 Removed endometrioma, stage IV endo and adhesions
    Lap 2/10 Endometrioma cysts & adhesions returned.
    Ivf #1 4/10 Antagonist, ET Cancelled.
    IVF #2 2/11 A/ACP+E2V C/P
    IVF #3 6/11 Letrozole/Antagonist BFN
    IVF #4 11/11 Low stim Antagonist BFN
    Lap 3/12 Lap & Selective HSG
    Many cycles of Letrozole and LP HCG w/TI and LDN
    IVF #5 8/12 Low stim BFN
    IUI #1 10/12 BFN br> S&PAIFW
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  • NMscubagirlNMscubagirl member
    ((HUGE HUGS)) I am so very sorry.
    imageimage

    Dx: DH - Azoo, Me - Mild PCOS
    DH - sperm found! Seems to produce only for a few days every 70 days!
    Over 1 million in cryo in 15 vials over 6 samples
    IVF #1 - 1 beautiful expanded blast transferred, 4 snowbabies - beta #1 11/30/11 = BFFN
    FET #1, transfered 2 embies 2/16/12 = BFFN; 1 snowbaby left in cryo
    IVF #2 + CGH = 4 genetically normal embies on ice. FET September 26th
    SAIF/PAIF always welcome

    a special GL and prayers to my IF sister Gregermis

    image
    check out my blog!

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  • mrsgcalmrsgcal
    I am so sorry. Sending you huge ((HUGS)).
    Report Reply
  • mdluv21mdluv21
    I am so so sorry sweetie.  huge ((hugs))
    TTC since 07/2009
    Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
    Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
    Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
    May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
    Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
    Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
    Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
    April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
    Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
    Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
    Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

    Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
    SAIF/PAIF Welcome
    Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
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  • Jackie2200Jackie2200 member
    Oh sweetie! I am so, so sorry to hear this sad news. 

    TTC Since 10/08 4 IUIs=BFNx4
    IVF#1=BFP!! Twins!!
    Bradley and Billy born and lost on 2/2/11 at 19w2d due to pPROM/PTL. I miss you, little angels.
    IVF#2=BFN
    IVF#3=c/p IVF#4=Empty Follicle Syndrome; 1 mature, fertilized, & made it to blast. 5dt of "the lone ranger" on 9/6. Please stick, little one! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • DeputiesWifeDeputiesWife

    ::hugs::

    I am so very sorry. 

    TTC #2 since June '08

    ~*DD 10.21.07*~

    dx unexplained

    IUI #1-4 BFN

    IVF#1 June 2011 BFN

    IVF#2 Dec 2011

    Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634

    EDD 8/25

    *PAIFW/SAIFW*

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  • STL34STL34 member
    ((HUGE HUGS))

    imageimage


    ~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~ 

    Me= 37 and DH = 41 

    Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)

    IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN

    IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.

    IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132.  Lil is here!

    TTC#2:  Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN.

    IVF #4:  BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #5:  MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #6:  (New RE):  Long Antagonist November 2014 (transferred two 8 cell grade 1 embryos and froze one blast) = BFN

    FET#1:  BFN

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  • mm29mm29 member
    I am so sorry sweetie!!!  My heart is breaking for you.  I am keeping you and your DH in my thoughts!
    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
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  • Mandy_Lou83Mandy_Lou83 member
    Oh sweetie, I am so so sorry.
    After 3 years of infertility we were blessed with twin girls through private infant adoption.
    Forever our's October 17th 2012
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • koynkoyn member
    I am so sorry McIrish.
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  • naybirdnaybird
    I'm so very sorry. Huge hugs.
    Renee- 37 DH - Chad - 39
    2/06 - surprise pregnancy - twins
    3/06 - m/c 1st baby at 6 weeks 
    5/06 -2nd baby had no heartbeat at 14 wks.
    D&E - Bled out. Blood transfusions. Week in ICU - Cheated Death!
    Diagnosis: Blood clotting and bleeding disorder, immune issues, & cervical stenosis
    5/10 - 1st IVF cycle - BFN
    FET - 10/12/10 - BFN
    1/11 - IVF with PGD - BFN
    IVF - May - BFN
    6/11 New RE - fingers crossed!
    9/11 - IVF - 4 transferred
    10/13 - BFP!!
    It's a boy! Clint Michael, Due in June!!!

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker





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  • cookie_queencookie_queen
    I'm so so sorry sweets.
    TTC with severe MFI since 9/08 IVF w/ ICSI #1 May/June 2010= BFP twins
    Callan George and Bennett Charles born and died 11/7/10
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    FET #1 April 2011= BFN
    FET #2 July 2011= no transfer because my lining sucked
    FET #3 February 2012= BFP! 1st beta 9dp5dt=314 2nd beta 11dp5dt=977 1st U/S 3/20 Twins- Heart rates of 111 and 138 Pregnancy Ticker
    Living After Losing
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  • Roxie5739Roxie5739 member
    I am so sorry for you. Sadly I know that feeling all to well. We are all here for you. ((((HUGS))))

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


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  • abvernonabvernon
    I am so, so sorry to hear about this. I want to reach through my computer and give you a REAL hug. My heart is breaking for you.
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  • 07may0707may07
    I am so so sorry.  (((HUGS)))
    *P/SAIFW* TTC since 1/08 Clomid, 2 IUIs, 4 IVFs, FET 7 losses Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • farmerlyndafarmerlynda member
    I am so, so sorry.  I know all the words in the world can't make this feel any better right now but you've got my (((hugs))), thoughts, and prayers.

    Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.

    IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.

    Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.

    imageimageimageBabyFruit Ticker

    Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)

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  • MoFreeMoFree member
    I'm so sorry.
    TTC since 3-08 IVF # 1 Dec 2011 BFP DD born at 31 weeks 6-24-12

    FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN

    FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN

    No more frosties

    IVF #2. September 2014

    PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts

    SET November 9, 2014
    Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN

    Not sure where to go from here.

    image

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • jessagerjessager member
    damnit!!! I am so sorry honey :(
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  • dancinaggiedancinaggie member
    I'm heartbroken for you :(  Sending you (((Huge hugs))), please take care of yourself and know we are here for you.
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  • njohnson1972njohnson1972 member
    I am so, so sorry.  (((hugs)))
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  • may2806may2806 member

    I'm so sorry. ((HUGS))

    I also went to Dr Check hoping he could fix me and my high FSH. I think he can work miracles, but I'm not sure how often. It took me a while to come to terms with DE. Take some time for yourself and DH right now - you don't need to rush into any decisions on what to do next just yet. 

     

    Dx: High FSH, stage IV endo, homozygous C677T MTHFR and PAI-1
    Early loss 10/08
    Lap 1/09
    IVF #1 "natural IVF" - 1 egg retrieved, missed m/c
    Tried several mini-stim cycles with no response
    Switched clinics - dx'd as carrier for Fragile X
    IVF #2 MDL protocol Jan/Feb converted to IUI, BFN
    IVF #2 take 2: Antagonist, one embie, BFN
    IVF #3: Antagonist, no fertilization
    One last ditch effort at OE IVF (antagonist with Clomid) cancelled
    DE cycle #1 Jan/Feb 2011, BFP, ectopic
    DE cycle #2 June/July 2011 - BFP
    10/28/11 Baby girl lost at 17 weeks due to pre-term labor. We love and miss you.
    DE cycle #3 June/July 2012 - BFP, twins, both heartbeats stopped, D&C
    2 frosties but don't know what's next
    FET Dec 2012: BFP! Praying this one sticks for the long haul!
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  • MrkyrainMrkyrain
    I am so sorry...FU IF.  Can you tell I'm a little bitter for you?  I agree with the poster that said you need to take care of yourself and your marriage.  Take a break.  Think things over.  I plan to take a break after this next cycle.  Some time off really is not going to make a difference with DE or adoption.  At least for me, I know I need to regroup and think about our options as well as what we truly want moving forward.  I am so sad for you. Keep in touch.  :(
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  • Sloane99Sloane99 member
    I'm so so sorry, sending you big (((hugs))). Please take care of yourself.
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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  • Aegis2005Aegis2005 member

    I am so sad to read this.  I'm so, so sorry.  Sending lots of T&P's your way.  (((hugs)))

    Me: 35 DH: 37 TTC since 4/2010
    DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
    IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
    1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
    FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
    FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
    7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
    EDD 2/22/2013
    PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
    imageimageimageimage
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • softbalangelsoftbalangel
    I'm so sorry. ((hugs))
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  • babystinkbreathbabystinkbreath member
    i'm so very sorry to hear this.  big hugs to you.

    ~Lauren~
    **SAIF always welcome.**
    After 2+ years, 3 losses, 3 surgeries, 2 IVFs and 1 FET our little girl is here.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    my read shelf:
    Lauren (babystinkbreath)'s book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Read in 2011: 56/55
    Read in 2012: 31/30
    Read in 2013: 1/25
    Follow Me on Pinterest

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  • Faith722Faith722 member

    I am so sorry.  This is absolutely heart breaking.

    (((HUGE HUGS))))

    IVF #3 = Feb 2012
    beta#1 3/21 (14dp3dt)=413, beta#2 3/23 (16dp3dt)=785, u/s 4/11
    EDD 11/25/12
    **SAIFW** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • missred75missred75 member
    I'm so sorry, hun. ::hugs::
    <a href="http://s108.photobucket.com/albums/n5/missred75/Disney/?action=view
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  • jillychrisjillychris member
    I am so very sorry sweetie!!! I was so hopeful for a much different outcome for you! Definitely take some time, just for the two of you! I hope you are able to come up with a plan that works for both of you!!
    2/11 Diagnosis: DOR-AMH .62, LPD and MFI-4% Morph
    IVF #1-July 2011 7/9/11-Started Stims
    7/20/11-ER:No eggs in 4/5 follicles. Left the 5th follie intact and converted to an IUI
    8/3/11-Beta #1=BFN,
    Nov, 2011 BFP #1=m/c at 7 wks 3 days
    11/11-AMH .47, IVF #2 March 2012...or not!! Surprise BFP on 2/19. Beta #1=161. Beta #2 305 Our little miracle girl is on her way! Due Oct 29, 2012
    <a href="http://s1207.photobucket.com/albums/bb461/andersenspics/?action=view
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