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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Gracey_Manor Maid
member
I'm not sure how to handle this situation with DH (vent)
Gracey_Manor Maid
member
Fot the past two weeks DH has seemed really unhappy. I know work stress has a lot to do with it. And so does the stress of trying for baby #2. he told me he feels like he is failing me because I'm not pregnant yet. Which I told him was absolutly not the case.
I have always left little love notes for him in his car or around the house or in his lunch bag and he has usually left me ones in return. He works nights and this is just something we started doing because we don't get to spend much time together during the week because of his schedule. yes it's kinda cheesy but it was nice.
I left a note in his car yesterday telling him I loved him and that I knew he was stressed and upset and that things would hopefully get better soon.
When I went out to the car this morning to get something the note was crumpled up on the passengers seat.
I feel horrible. I hate seeing him like this and not being able to do anything. I feel like a bad wife. I try talking to him but he just tells me it's his own problems that he needs to deal with.
He had a really bad experience with counseling a few years ago and isn't really open to trying that.
ugh. I don't like not being able to "fix" this.
ok...vent over. thanks for listening ladies.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm not sure how to handle this situation with DH (vent)
Does he do that sometimes? Read things and then crumple them? Maybe it wasn't an angry thing. Maybe he just did it. IDK if that makes any sense. But it could just be a simple thing that he did, not in anger or frustration.
You're not a bad wife, though. You're trying to talk to him and trying to make him feel better with little notes. It sounds like you're trying everything you can to get him to open up to you and he refuses. I don't know how to advise, but can only tell you you're not a bad wife.
I hope he feels better soon.
If it makes you feel any better, I throw out DH's notes after I read them. I'm just not sentimental like that to keep every note.
edit
The note makes me smile which is the point in the first place. I do appreciate it, but I have no desire to reread it, kwim?
If your DH is anything like mine, there's nothing that you can do to fix it. I had this conversation with my DH awhile back and basically he was down in the dumps because he thought he was failing me as a husband. As far as me trying to fix it, that was exactly what he didn't want. He wanted to be the provider and the "fixer" of all things (basically be a man, in his eyes).
My DH works 12 hr days, 5 - 6 days a week so I barely see him and there are some days the kids don't even see their dad. And then when you add the stress of work to that, it's not a good situation. So whenever it gets bad for us, I try to remove any additional stress/pressure that I can.
As far as the crumpled up note, I agree with the previous person and think it was probably just something mindless and I don't think he meant to hurt you with it. I mean I leave little post-its for hubby all the time and most of the time they end up in the trash. I used to take it personally but really, what do I expect him to do? Keep a stack of my little notes?
I hope things turn around for you and DH. ::HUGS::
I read things and crumple them sometimes... I wouldn't automatically take it as a sign that he was upset by it. Sounds like you guys need a date night with something fun to do.
As far as TTC, I know how it is. Thankfully with us DH didn't blame himself.... I just kept telling him "My body is still messed up from Trista" and he believed it. (because it was true) .. you guys already have a beautiful DD so that should put his mind at ease a bit that it's not his problem.
I think it was a stress-crumple too. It's hard for men because they have that strong need to provide and then adding TTC on top of it, yikes. You guys already have a little girl, so that's proof that he did it once and he can do it again. Sometimes it just takes a little while.
My H is the same way. He gets stressed at work, he likes to be at home but sometimes work calls him away over night without much notice (he's a driver and they're short handed). We're not TTC now, but when we were with Natalie, he got really stressed.
So, I know how you feel. Just know that it's NOT you. Hubby and I had this convo just a few hours ago actually. I said that "I know it's work that stresses you out, but I still feel like it's my fault." Then he said "Yeah, it is your fault because I never want to leave my home life." That kind of put it into perspective for me and made me Aww.