Morning ladies... I know this board is for PPD, but I thought I might have some insight with you all. It never really occurred to me that I could possible have antepartum depression until last night... All my hormones came crashing down on me, and I just felt so hopeless about everything. I am 28 weeks pg, and dont get me wrong... I LOVE IT! I am so happy/excited/thrilled that I am finally blessed with being able to bring a human being into this world that I can love, support and raise, it just seems like getting to that point is breaking me down.
I do have a history of mild depression that I was on medication for, but was eventually weaned off of by doctors. And obviously there are no medications that are "safe" during pregnancy, I just feel that I need something... so I figured coming to you ladies for some support would be a good starting point for me.
So, last night sitting on the couch, all my emotions hit me for no reason that I can think of, and I broke out in tears. All I could think of was the same feelings I had a few years back before I was put on medication. I feel like a bad person (not toward LO, not toward H or really anyone else) just that I have been very quiet lately and have had no umph to want to do anything... My concentration is starting to drag and I just have no motivation to do anything.
I really want this to change, b/c I don't like how I feel, and I know my H doesn't like seeing me this way. I feel like I am failing at being a good wife... I don't show my H affection near as much as I used to, its not that I don't love him, or don't want to or anything... Its just that recently (really since I got pg) that I just don't want anything to do with affection. He comes up to me when I get home from work to give me a hug and a kiss, and I just get... almost like... weirded out? maybe and just squirm and shake him away from me. I hate doing it, it just seems like I don't want anything to do with it... like I get annoyed by him "getting in my face."
I don't want to continue dragging this on, just kind of wanted opinions and suggestions on what I can do (I know I should talk to my Doctor about this, but I don't have an appointment for 2 weeks, and just thought I would get a head start jump in trying to get some insight and at least get it out there that I could really have this, and just talk to someone about it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this... and like I said, any opinions or suggestions would be greatly appreciated...
You ladies are the best!