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His Stuff....

ChuppsWifey08ChuppsWifey08
in Late Term and Child Loss

So after Keegan passed away we came to the conclusion that we needed to move. We had lived in our then current home for 6 years and since he passed in that house we wanted to try to get a fresh start. We put that house on the market bought a new home in January. It's a Bi-Level and currently the whole bottom floor and garage if full of his stuff. Its in totes, boxes and just laying around.

 I went down there to straighten stuff up earlier and found some of the clothes that were hanging in his old closet. I dont have it in me to box them up yet so I hung them in the room that will hopefully be a nursery soon. 

 The last 24 hours have been terrible and I don't feel like I can escape the blackness that has come over me....I hate grief and how you can be perfectly fine one hour and the next goes all to hell. 

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Re: His Stuff....

  • Mjmksb04Mjmksb04 member

    Hugs Left Hug I have a whole section of our basement dedicated to baby items and since we are probably not having another, I need to get rid of them but am kind of paralyzed over it. It is like thinking about the physical items is another whole stage of grieving.

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  • foxxy1foxxy1 member

    You're going through the infamous rollercoaster dips. The highs are fine and feel like you're on top of the world but man, those lows...I wouldn't wish those lows on anybody.

    *HUGS*

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  • Gizu92708Gizu92708 member
    I'm sorry. You don't need to box up everything right now. Unless you need the space for something else, take your time. You have been through alot. My son's things are in a storage house outside and I can't go in there right now. It tears me up to see all the stuff he never used. Even though it's been raining and I worry that maybe his things will get wet, I can't go in there. When I'm ready I will bring the things back in the house so they don't get messed up with the heat and all. I would love to use them for the day I get my rainbow baby. Hugs!
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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    I kept Aidan's clothes hung up and let the nursery in the same state of partially done until it was time to finish it up for Lucas. I didn't box up a lot of his stuff (cards,hospital stuff) until just a few months ago.
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  • Heather91705Heather91705
    We did the same thing.  We moved recently too and it was sooooo very hard to pack up that room.  I totally feel your pain.  I had to force myself to put things into boxes so that I didn't have to see them (and to move) but haven't unpacked anything.  We put everything into the "new nursery" room and it's just all in boxes and will stay that way till a living baby comes home with us again.  Just take it a little at a time.  I would move everything to one room and close the door to it.  Go in if you want to, but you don't have to see it if you are having a tough day.  Just a suggestion...
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  • CaroleeCarolee member
    We still have all of Eliott's things in his nursery.  I just couldn't bear to get rid of them.  Grief is such a roller-coaster.  Sending you (((HUGS))).
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
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  • Petunia844Petunia844 member
    Ugh, I know.  I'm on a complete roller coaster, I was totally fine yesterday morning and the last day and a half I've been a complete wreck.  It's so hard to deal with the downs... I wish I could offer more than just hugs.
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  • HeatherhahHeatherhah member
    It has been almost 5 months since our DD died and she never even went into her nursery but it is still ready and waiting for a baby. I refuse to do anything to it and it is called her room. The thought of changing her room in any way makes me want to go crazy and scream and cry. I am not sure how it will be if our future rainbow is a boy I have no idea but he might be a boy with a pink room LOL. Grieving really does play tricks on you. i am on the same emotional rollercoaster you are on, one minute happy the next crying my eyes out it sucks and I wanted to say hugs to you!!!
    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
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  • pottermommypottermommy member

    It has been over three years and Kamryn's medicines, her prescription zyrtec and her teething meds and her mylicon are still in my medicine cabinet, her baby shampoo for curly hair and her soap are still under the bathroom sink....

    Somethings are better if they stay put.

    I think the thing the remember is that "perfectly fine" has a new definition now.  At some point you are always hiding the blackness away, that is why it can come out so quickly.  Just keep your head up and remember all you have to do is turn on a light for the blackness to recede.

    Whether that light be a thought of your DH or thoughts of you love for Keegan, or even just thoughts of your past that still make you smile.  That darkness will start to get a little bit lighter as time goes by and you will notice that you can hide it a little bit easier. 

    But it isn't ever completely gone because we love our babies too much to relinquish it.  And you know what.  That is ok because if the dark times is the price for loving the perfect angels that they are, then it is worth every minute.  We can call it a mommy's sacrifice. 

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  • Auki13Auki13 member
    I just want to pass along some (((HUGS))).  Every part of the grieving process just sucks.
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  • drvst8drvst8 member
    Logan's room is exactly the way it was when we lost him. Almost 5 months now. Not sure what i'm going to do with it yet. No rush. Take your time...you don't have to do anything with his things until your ready.
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  • butterfly843butterfly843
    ((hugs))

    Jenn

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  • johnnys junejohnnys june member
    *hugs*  I totally get this.  All of Logan's stuff is packed, stuffed, boxed, you name it, into one closet.  We have to go through it soon....
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  • weddedwifeweddedwife member
    My garage is full of baby stuff. It was DD's stuff that I was saving for Nathaniel. Some of it is getting very dusty now as I expected to be bringing it into the house months ago. Every time I have to cover something up with a sheet so it won't get any dustier it kills me. But I don't know when/if another baby will ever get to use it.

    We finally took the crib apart and put that in the garage too. It sucked :( There is one boys onesie hanging in DD's closet. I had made space for his things since they would be sharing a room. I can't bring myself to take it out of there.
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