Would this bother you about a Doula's profile?

Harper'smom · February 2012

The birth center I am using has a Doula internship program and we can choose to interview their interns and use them for our birth at no charge. The MW starred 2 who she has worked with recently that she suggested I contact. Of course, I'm scoping them out online before I call. I just found one of their profiles and it says this:

I have two XX that I was able to birth without an epidural or cesarean and those birthing experiences gave me such a sense of accomplishment and all the rewards of self fulfillment

I don't think I am going to call her. Would you?

MAprincess · February 2012

I don't think it's that bad. You'll find many doulas had natural births because part of their job is to help women have the birth they want (and most of their clients are looking for a natural birth). And while it is not the reason I had a VBAC, many women want to VBAC because they feel like they "missed out" with a c/s or they didn't feel the sense of accomplshment they thought they would with a vaginal birth. I think this woman is just reflecting on how her choice of how to birth made her feel.

I'd suggest you interview her. Maybe it is rubbing you the wrong way but she didn't intend for it to have that effect. Or maybe she isn't someone you would get along with. But you don't know until you talk to her!

picksthemusic · February 2012

What exactly is bothering you about it? The fact that her grammar is horrible, or her talking about her own birth experiences?

Harper'smom · February 2012

picksthemusic:
What exactly is bothering you about it? The fact that her grammar is horrible, or her talking about her own birth experiences?

LOL, not the grammar. I think it is that she specifically said "without a cesarean". I don't know why it got to me because if it had just said med-free or intervention free it wouldn't have mattered. I think I just expect a lack of understanding or even judgement from the natural birth community IRL. I was worried about it when I had to be interviewed to get into the birth center and when we started Bradley classes and it has not been an issue at all. Now that the last third of this pregnancy is here I've been worrying more, obsessing more, and I need to work it back out of my system.

picksthemusic · February 2012

Yeah, I think she's worth talking to. She may not communicate well through writing, and she may seem like a completely different person when you talk to her. GL!

nosoup4u · February 2012

It would annoy me, I'll be honest. I don't think she meant anything malevolent about it, but it sounds clueless/tone deaf. But I think women who've had "easy" births can sometimes not think about how things they say can affect other women.

I would still interview her - you could always ask her about it (non-defensively, of course).

hopecounts · February 2012

I'd interview her. I get why it bothered you but it could be nothing more than bad phrasing and she may not mean it as anything more than she had a natural (med free) vaginal birth.

Talk to her and see how she is in person, she may bother you or she could be great. If it comes down to a tie between the two of them then I'd probably pick the other one.

Harper'smom · February 2012

I've since spoken with both doulas and have interviews with each this weekend. Doula 1 (not the one w/ the profile) was a bit scattered on the phone but I could hear her 2 year old in the background so that is completely understandable. She followed up with a very professional email and the first sentence was "I'm so excited that you are planning a VBAC and it is great you are so informed".

I did speak with the Doula 2 and she seemed better on the phone than she did in writing. I asked her if any of her births had been VBACS and she said no but that she would look forward to helping someone acheive a VBAC and that she was really by inspired by one of her good friend's VBAC stories. So this was more reassuring.

Interviewing people is strange. I hire people at work and often you think someone is great on paper or on the phone and you just don't click or your second choice ends up being better than your first choice. So wish me luck. I'm hoping we click with one of these two so that we can finalize this important piece of our birth team. I think a key indicator will be how they react to my DD's birth story.

iris427 · February 2012

nosoup4u:
It would annoy me, I'll be honest. I don't think she meant anything malevolent about it, but it sounds clueless/tone deaf. But I think women who've had "easy" births can sometimes not think about how things they say can affect other women.
I would still interview her - you could always ask her about it (non-defensively, of course).

This. As a VBAC hopeful, it would bug me. But the doula I had at My VBAC was wonderful and she says some thiings that bug the sh!t out of me, like her views on circumcision and homeopathy. She was very supportive when I was preparing for my VBAC and when I was laboring. People can come across very differently in person than on the page. It may still be worth meeting her, unless you have a lot of other options you like better.

rbytsdy · February 2012

Yeah, I found it a bit annoying to. It was a little "in your face" that she "achieved" her births without an epidural or cesarean. First of all, it's a bit redundant. I hope you wouldn't have a cesarean without an epidural/spinal, etc. Second, it's almost like saying "I'm so good at birthing and I can do it the normal way!"

That being said, I'm sure she totally did not mean it that way and I'd give her a shot.

babyike · February 2012

MAprincess:
I don't think it's that bad. You'll find many doulas had natural births because part of their job is to help women have the birth they want (and most of their clients are looking for a natural birth). And while it is not the reason I had a VBAC, many women want to VBAC because they feel like they "missed out" with a c/s or they didn't feel the sense of accomplshment they thought they would with a vaginal birth. I think this woman is just reflecting on how her choice of how to birth made her feel.

I'd suggest you interview her. Maybe it is rubbing you the wrong way but she didn't intend for it to have that effect. Or maybe she isn't someone you would get along with. But you don't know until you talk to her!

All of this. Nicely put MA Yes

preg_amy · February 2012

iris427:
nosoup4u:
It would annoy me, I'll be honest. I don't think she meant anything malevolent about it, but it sounds clueless/tone deaf. But I think women who've had "easy" births can sometimes not think about how things they say can affect other women.
I would still interview her - you could always ask her about it (non-defensively, of course).
This. As a VBAC hopeful, it would bug me. But the doula I had at My VBAC was wonderful and she says some thiings that bug the sh!t out of me, like her views on circumcision and homeopathy. She was very supportive when I was preparing for my VBAC and when I was laboring. People can come across very differently in person than on the page. It may still be worth meeting her, unless you have a lot of other options you like better.

I agree with this.

I will say that having a doula who had a VBAC herself was amazing. She totally knew the right things to do and say. I also chose a midwife who had a VBAC herself. It was awesome being surrounded by women who were VBACers.

Harper'smom · February 2012

preg_amy:
iris427:
nosoup4u:
It would annoy me, I'll be honest. I don't think she meant anything malevolent about it, but it sounds clueless/tone deaf. But I think women who've had "easy" births can sometimes not think about how things they say can affect other women.
I would still interview her - you could always ask her about it (non-defensively, of course).
This. As a VBAC hopeful, it would bug me. But the doula I had at My VBAC was wonderful and she says some thiings that bug the sh!t out of me, like her views on circumcision and homeopathy. She was very supportive when I was preparing for my VBAC and when I was laboring. People can come across very differently in person than on the page. It may still be worth meeting her, unless you have a lot of other options you like better.
I agree with this.
I will say that having a doula who had a VBAC herself was amazing. She totally knew the right things to do and say. I also chose a midwife who had a VBAC herself. It was awesome being surrounded by women who were VBACers.

That sounds like a great birth team. There is only one local doula who has had a VBAC and her prices are sky high. One of the 3 midwives at my center had a VBAC and left suddenly half way through my pregnancy. I'm very confident in the other midwives but it would be nice to not be the only woman in the room who has had the polar opposite of a intervention free birth.

iris427 · February 2012

Harper'smom:
preg_amy:
iris427:
nosoup4u:
It would annoy me, I'll be honest. I don't think she meant anything malevolent about it, but it sounds clueless/tone deaf. But I think women who've had "easy" births can sometimes not think about how things they say can affect other women.
I would still interview her - you could always ask her about it (non-defensively, of course).
This. As a VBAC hopeful, it would bug me. But the doula I had at My VBAC was wonderful and she says some thiings that bug the sh!t out of me, like her views on circumcision and homeopathy. She was very supportive when I was preparing for my VBAC and when I was laboring. People can come across very differently in person than on the page. It may still be worth meeting her, unless you have a lot of other options you like better.
I agree with this.
I will say that having a doula who had a VBAC herself was amazing. She totally knew the right things to do and say. I also chose a midwife who had a VBAC herself. It was awesome being surrounded by women who were VBACers.
That sounds like a great birth team. There is only one local doula who has had a VBAC and her prices are sky high. One of the 3 midwives at my center had a VBAC and left suddenly half way through my pregnancy. I'm very confident in the other midwives but it would be nice to not be the only woman in the room who has had the polar opposite of a intervention free birth.

FWIW the OB that did my c/s and told me I would never be able to deliver vaginally, was a VBAC mom herself. One of my friends tried to VBAC with her and she wasn't very supportive. OTOH, my VBAC was with a male doctor, so obviously he never had a VBAC or any kind of birth, and yet he was a huge supporter of VBAC.

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