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truths of motherhood
What are some truths of motherhood you could impart on a mom-to-be? What would be the most honest piece of advice you could give her? It doesn't necessarily have to be negative, it could be positive, but most of all, it needs to be brutally, unapologetically honest.
any thoughts?
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Re: truths of motherhood
Camryn Grace ~ July 6th, 2009 ~ 7lbs 9oz, 20.5"
Brayden Richard Drew ~ December 20, 2010~7lbs 9oz, 20"
While you will always love your baby and give anything for them, you may not always like him/her.
For example, when J had colic and was screaming at the top of his tiny lung for 5-7 hours straight every night between midnight and 7am....didn't like him too much now. Now that he's 18 months and sometimes has a nasty attitude and repeatedly tests me by doing bad things (throwing, hitting, screaming etc.) I don't like him too much then either.
CP 7.19.08
Dx with PCOS 3.27.09
HSG 7.15.09 = All clear
8.09 & 9.09(re-try) IUI #1/2 - Clomid 100mg Follistim 150iu Ovidrel=cancelled due to cysts
10.09 IUI #1/2 - Clomid 100mg Follistim 150iu Ovidrel Crinone 8%=BFP!
22mm Follie / 60mil & 48mil post wash counts Beta #1 (14dpiui)= 102 Beta #2 (18dpiui)= 714 12.3.09 HB 135bpm
Our baby boy was born on 7.8.10 @ 38 weeks 2 days! 2:17pm 6lbs 8oz 20" long
HSG 2.2013 - IUI 1/2, 3/4 = BFN - Took 4 month forced break
Time really does go by too quickly, so cherish the moment while in it... even when they are crying bc in a couple of yrs, they won't want to be held.
DH says this always... "we are happy to be miserable." I think it perfectly encompasses our feelings... we are extatic about our children and couldn't be any prouder to be their parents, however, it is a whole lot of work, and they still don't sleep at almost 15 mo, so we are still feeling the miserable phase.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
You may not fall in love with your baby right away, especially if you've had a very long and difficult labor. I was in such a daze after I gave birth and felt totally out of it. I gave birth at 7:30 p.m. at night and was totally exhausted, and then the next day (a Saturday) we had a rush of visitors at the hospital so I barely had time to think or even hold her and process everything that had just happened. I think it took me a good 24 hours for things to really "click" and for me to gain the clarity to understand that this little stranger in the hospital room with me was the same baby girl I had dreamt about and hoped for my entire life and carried in my belly for 9 months. So don't feel like a terrible mom if they hand you the baby for the first time and you are not overwhelmed with love and emotion.
Even if you have an amazing support system, there will be times when you feel very alone. I am lucky to have many people who adore my daughter almost as much as I do (they would say "as much" but I know they're wrong!) and play almost as big of a role in her life as I do, but at the end of the day I feel like, as her mom, the buck stops with me. If something goes wrong or if I feel like she's not getting everything she needs or deserves, I feel like it's ultimately MY fault, even though there are all these other people playing a big role in her upbringing. I feel like I share the credit with them when things go right for her, but hold myself solely responsible when things go wrong because I'm her mom and I should have done better. Talking to other moms helps a lot, but at the end of the day you still feel alone because your child is unique and nothing that another mom is going through with her child will ever apply 100% to problems you may be having with your child. All in all it can be a very isolating feeling.
Guilt is universal. Working moms have guilt, stay at home moms have guilt. Any mom who tells you she doesn't feel a twinge of guilt or question some of the choices she's made for her family is probably lying. It's hard, but you have to let go of the guilt the best you can and trust that you are making the right decisions in terms of how you raise your child. Sometimes guilt has gotten the better of me and I've made a major parenting choice (i.e., not letting my daughter cry it out in order to learn to sleep on her own) based almost purely on guilt, but also based somewhat on the gut feeling that I know it was the right choice for my child. Other times, I have had to fight every motherly instinct I have and push aside feelings of severe guilt to do what I know is right for my child in the long run (i.e., going back to work and being a working mom) even though it feels TERRIBLE in the short run. Bottom line - guilt is a part of motherhood. It sucks but unfortunately from what I've heard, it's here to stay. So just try your best to cope with it and don't let it rule your life or your decisions.
Finally, I'd say that becoming a parent makes you so incredibly vulnerable. A bumpie had a quote in her siggy once (it may have been Justine? or maybe Miamicubajam?) that said something like "making the decision to have a child is making the decision to have your heart walk around outside your body for the rest of your life." I have found that to be so true. I could have easily remained childless for life and never have put myself in this situation. But now that I've made a choice to have kids, I have made myself sooooooo incredibly vulnerable. Everything that I am and my entire happiness depends on my children being alive and healthy and thriving. The day something bad were to ever happen to them would be the day that the person who I am right now would cease to exist as I know her. It's an INCREDIBLY scary thought. Yes, I would lay down my life for my daughter in a second, but unfortunately it's not always that simple. This world and the things that happen to us are totally out of our control. Honestly, it really terrifies me to even think about this because I honestly don't know what I would ever do if something bad happened to one of my kids. I know this sounds like a terrible, morbid thing to say to a new mom, but I think the flip side of the coin is this: I can't imagine having gone through life and never having felt this type of love. Yes, I love my husband, I love my parents, I love my brother and my friends and my family. But nothing can ever compare to the love you feel for your child. I don't think I would have ever really LIVED and FELT life if it weren't for the fact that I am a mom. It comes at a super high price (the vulnerability aspect I just described) but I think it's totally worth it and would do it again in a heartbeat (hence the baby growing in my belly). My love for my daughter has made me complete as a human being and even though I know the stakes of loving someone so much are incredibly high, I am happy to feel it and live it every day.
A good friend of mine had her baby 4 days ago and she called me today and said "wow, no one warned me on how hard this really is!" Anyone that tells you that being a mom is "not easy" or "treasure your sleep before baby comes into the world" - Do listen to them! In fact, most moms will underestimate the difficulty as with time you do tend to downplay it, I sure have!
Recovering from labor, lack of sleep, not knowing why the baby just won't stop crying, the raging hormones, cracked nipples from BFing, getting into a rhythm if you decide to breastfeed...it's all part of the game. It sure led to so much frustration. I doubted my ability to take care of the little boy who now slept next to our bed...is he really mine?
Sure, it was not easy but many of us moms do decide to have more kiddos. Can't be that bad, right? Well...add 2 to the picture and things just get that more interesting. Add the above situation to a toddler who doesn't sleep at night now because he wants to be a part of the night time wakeup parties and a toddler who wants the most attention when you are the busiest with the baby (i.e. trying to feed).
You will love the kids to pieces, you will enjoy your 10 minute showers locked up in your bathroom with no one else around, you will question your sanity on almost a daily basis. Motherhood is such a mixture of emotions but it truly pieces well together like a jigsaw puzzle and although it is "hard", it's just natural and you wouldn't want it any other way.
BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
BFP #4: 05/23/12, EDD: 01/31/12, Early MC at 5 wks
RPL Workup: + LPD (7DPO Prog = 7.8, Endometrial Bx = out of phase)
Elevated Alpha 2-glycoprotein IgA and antiphosphatidylserine IgM -->
Hematologist said not to worry and no need for treatment!
Dx: LPD
Cycle #1(08/2012): Clomid 50 mg CD3-7, Ovidrel CD13 + Progesterone = It worked!
BFP #5 on 09/10/12 (11 DPO). HCG #1 @ 14DPO = 131.6 HCG #2 @ 16DPO = 509
EDD: 05/23/2013
I couldn't agree more. The boys were rushed to NICU right out of surgery so I hadn't been able to told them (I did see them and gave them a kiss). I was a while in recovery bc room wasn't ready. Then when I was put in room, there was a slew of visitors (I delivered at 10:30am). It was prob 9PM before I got around to going to NICU to see boys for real. Dh was a bit upset bc I didn't want to go sooner, but like Jen said, the whole day was a daze. And being drugged up didn't help at all!
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
You will be turn into a softie, if you aren't already.
There will be moments when time seems to slow down and you feel like you will remeber that moment forever. A few weeks later you most likely you wonLt. Time goes by faster then you would like. Enjoy everything, and live in the moment because a lot of times it is a once in a lifetime thing.
Even when they sleep through the night you will still be exhausted.