Advice... Am I a horrible mother?

DeAndraM01 · February 2012

Okay, I know it isn't postpartum... But I thought a bit of wisdom from the lovely ladies on here would be helpful.

For the past few weeks I have been feeling extremely down... And what is worse I have been feeling less than friendly toward my baby.

I actually kind of feel like I hate him... I talked to DH about it last night because I couldn't sleep and was crying because thoughts of forcing a miscarriage and going into preterm labor kept crossing my mind.

I felt horrible, I felt like a horrible person and mother. I felt so ungrateful because there are so many people who would love the gift I have and I just don't feel it... Not anymore.

I was okay the first few weeks then around week 18 I just felt like I didn't want him anymore.

I thought if I threw myself into baby stuff and tried to be enthusiastic it would pass. I thought it may have just been anxiety. I tried to sound happy and force myself to be happy, but after last night things got way worse.

I just feel horrible, like I don't want my baby... like I don't love him... But I feel liek somewhere deep down I probably still do...

Just don't know what is wrong with me... Am I horrible?

FebruaryMom2012 · February 2012

It sounds like maybe you've hit the wall. It happened to me around the second trimester. You feel like you've been pregnant forever and never going to feel normal again. I missed my old life of not being sick and exhausted and constantly having to think of someone else. However I didn't have thoughts of miscarriage other then being scared to death I would have one. Maybe you could talk to your OB? With all the crazy hormone changes they may have suggestions to make you feel better.

DeAndraM01 · February 2012

I hope that's all it is... I plan on talking to my OB tomorrow and seeing what he says.

ksspiff · February 2012

Were you able to talk to your OB? How did it go?

bunnybiter · February 2012

I would love an update on this. But no, I don't think you're a horrible mother. I was there too and I was actually on antidepressants! I would look at my DS and think how much I hated him and it wasn't his fault, so then I would hate myself, and sometimes this was even before he was born. It didn't last for me. That's the good news. It may not last for you. Mine was a result of depression. He is six months now and I truly love him, I just couldn't see that for a while because I wasn't quite myself. Keep your chin up, there's a possibility that this too shall pass.

MamaKing11 · February 2012

No I don't think you are a horrible mother. With so many hormones, everything is changing and its scary. I was depressed at the thought of my life never being the same after I had my son. But I came to realize he makes my life better. Every time I get down feeling lost and hopeless, he is the one thing that keeps me going. I know it seems like you'll be pregnant for forever, but when he gets here time will fly. Try to focus on doing things for yourself, pamper yourself, enjoy time out with friends. Talk to your OB and see what could they think can help you get through this rough patch. Just don't give up, you can do this.

still_a_bride · February 2012

You aren't a horrible mother! I had the same kinds of thoughts when I was pregnant with my second son. I talked to my OB and ended up taking a low dose of anti-depressant throughout my pregnancy. It's really just hormones taking over your emotions and thoughts. This really isn't YOU thinking these things. I definitely advise talking to your OB and maybe a counselor.

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