"You Shouldn't Be Doing That!" ... ... Ugh.

EmilyXLC · February 2012

Hello, fellow mommies to be!

Here I am at 28 weeks, pregnant with my first child... & I'm about to lose my mind. No, not with the pregnancy pains, not with the planning for baby... but with people constantly telling me what I should & shouldn't be doing. I KNOW this has to be happening to the rest of you out there...

I take a bath each night to help ease the intense back pain that I've been experiencing. It is by NO MEANS a lobster boil bath... just right. & of course, I get tons of heat for it... "You shouldn't be taking baths while you're pregnant, it'll put you into labor!"

I have my first taste of tuna (white albacore, canned) of my entire pregnancy, last night... 1/3 of a can. "You shouldn't be eating tuna, you're consuming too much mercury!"

There's so many others, but... I know what I've read in my studies, pregnancy books & what I've been told by my doctors... I would never go out of my way to hurt my baby. Do people just think that you're a bad mother or that you're going through this journey completely clueless?

How do you all handle this?

AlabamaMamma224 · February 2012

I take baths, I eat tuna, I eat hot dogs and unheated deli meat.......and I don't listen to what other people say...just smile and nod.

Keri Marie · February 2012

Wow. Those are pretty minor infractions if you ask me. People like to be involved and be "right". I'd say something if you were smoking or drinking.

I'd ignore it or remind them that you HAVE a Doctor.

Taryn M · February 2012

My family is really bad about this. I usually just come back with "my doctor says its okay and I trust him". No one can really argue with a medical professional. I still get tons of negative comments about my ONE cup of coffee a day.

knottie3c0525a8a3c64eaa · February 2012

I just ignore it. It seems like the people who are giving you advice are a bit il informed, at least by the examples you gave. For instance, tuna is actually good for you. You should limit your consumption to 1 can a week to be on the safe side, but it is actually recommended by the FDA.

Regardless, I found that the best thing to do is to completely ignore these comments, as people normally have strong opinions about this type of stuff and there is pretty much nothing you can d to change their minds. However, when people really get on my nerves, I try to make sure that they know I am not an idiot and that I know what I am doing, that I do my research and I have a good doctor. Most importantly, that I would not do anything to harm my baby, obviously.

Good luck!

Annie234567 · February 2012

Just don't tell people. Someone is going to find questionable literally ANYTHING you might do, regardless of how safe or healthy sciences shows it to be for you and the baby, so just don't tell them. And if they ask, lie. Problem solved. Smile

jengsu2004 · February 2012

I've said, "My doctor, the professional, has given me the green light, so I'm going to trust her." That has done the trick! I understand the frustrations though...I've gotten the same comments regarding that stuff plus more. I've also had people try to tell me (earlier in my pregnancy) that my baby had already "dropped" and that I'd probably be going into labor soon (even though I had about 6 weeks left). When I mentioned this to my doctor, she basically said they didn't know what they were talking about, the baby hadn't dropped, and to let them know that they should let the professionals handle and diagnose during our pregnancies.

huahualove · February 2012

I like how I eat a microwave dinner at work for lunch and people tell me how I should be eating better for the baby because that has too much salt... I'm pretty sure that my chicken and rice with broccoli is a lot better than 90% of my leftovers. I just say how it is fine for me to eat and I'm just happy if it all stays down. The worst in all of it is when people who have never been pregnant tell you what to do.

annabelle.27 · February 2012

People suck. I remember once when I was pregnant with my son some woman gave me shiit for going outside with wet hair to say goodbye to my husband as he was leaving. Because it would make me sick, I guess? She made some snide comment about how I'd have to learn before the baby came. I don't know why people think that being pregnant is somehow an invitation for advice on how to live life.

hewinked · February 2012

I never had this happen to me, but I anticipate it every time I grab a Pepsi when I'm out. I know I can have it and I keep track of my daily caffeine intake, but I still feel awkwardly guilty every time. I always imagine that I would just tell people, "Thanks, but I can have it" if anyone ever said anything. Some people make comments cuz they just aren't educated. People automatically think we're morons and that we're making poor choices it seems.

gablueq · February 2012

I was having a really hard time dealing with people telling me what to do and not do. I was at the point of being really rude but instead I just say okay and smile. You are doing nothing wrong so screw what everyone says. Do what makes you happy!

F15Wife · February 2012

Well then, I guess my cup of coffee in the morning, my couple of sodas a week, a sip here and there of husbands beer, sitting in my hot tub, eating cold deli meat and taking a pretty steamy shower would really knock thier socks off huh.

poobear2015 · February 2012

I just quit telling people. Mine was opposite and I was avoiding all the "newer" things. My MIL finds it absolutely ridiculous that I don't eat lunch meat or that I'm only breastfeeding for health reasons rather than to save $ (For some reason - she takes offense to that since she formula fed both her boys. So when I said, it's good to keep allergies at bay and I"m not taking any chances - she said her boys turned out fine on formula. DH needs an epi pen for his allergies - nuf said!)

Point is - everyone thinks they know best (especially if they are already a mom!) And I''m sure they do know best - for themselves! Just quit telling them or just let it roll off your shoulders. Trust me, it's not worth the aggravation.

Rudytudy87 · February 2012

Lately cherry coke is my weakness but I don't have more than a glass a day and I don't drink coffee, so today when mil tried to give me a hard time about caffeine, dh said well at least she gave up smoking and alcohol. (I never smoked and rarely drink) but it was funny for him to blow her off for me :-)

DinabethL · February 2012

I take a lot of baths too - they are very relaxing! I wish they would just assume you know what you are doing, instead of thinking that they are the only ones to say something toyou.

Ximena M · February 2012

I don't say anything to people that I know will comment. I even started to not eat in the lunch room because of a "grandma" would comment regularly on what I was doing. I even share a beer with DH or have half a glass of wine when I'm really stressed because I strongly believe stress is worse for the baby than relaxing with a little drink.

Kriz_b · February 2012

EmilyXLC:

I take a bath each night to help ease the intense back pain that I've been experiencing. It is by NO MEANS a lobster boil bath... just right. & of course, I get tons of heat for it... "You shouldn't be taking baths while you're pregnant, it'll put you into labor!"

HA! I wish. I would be living in my bathtub in a few weeks if that actually happened.

Good luck dealing with those comments. Maybe just say "oh really? I'll have to check with my OB to see what they are comfortable with me doing." that might get them to back off.

Aleja0918 · February 2012

I would lose my sanity if I were you. I'd also assume those people lead very dull lives if they have so much time to critique your every move. If I were you, I'd keep the details you share to a minimum. The less they know, the less they can voice their opinion on. If they do continue to say something, I'd tell them that my doctor said it was perfectly acceptable and, since he's/she's the one with the degrees and years of experience, you'll listen to him/her.

fernane · February 2012

My least favorite is hearing about caffeine when I have a coke..so irritating!

greeneyed_bride · February 2012

Every time my neighbor sees me doing anything in my yard, she comes over and tells me I shouldn't be. Apparently, women should rake leaves at five months pregnant, shouldn't take the garbage to the curb (using a garbage can with wheels), and shouldn't carry in groceries. I'm always tempted to say, "Well, since my husband works all day, are you offering to do everything for me?"

tooley2012 · February 2012

I wasn't allowed to pick anything up at work or bend to get anything off of a bottom shelf. When I told my dad I had to do laundry, he freaked out on me telling me I wasn't allowed to reach in the washer like I needed to. I take more baths now than I ever have in my life. When I went to dinner with my husband at our favorite sushi place and (gasp!) ordered and ate sushi, I got so many crazy looks from other people and the waitresses in the restaurant. I even had one lady tell me, "Honey, you can NOT eat that!!!" I looked at her and said, "Doc says I'm good. Unless you plan on paying for my meal, I'd like to finish enjoying it now." I went to an arcade pizza joint and played Skeeball at 35 weeks pregnant and was told by one of the workers that it wasn't safe for me to be playing the game.

The best thing you can do is laugh it off and trust yourself. And if something really bothers you about whether you can or can't do, eat or participate in something - talk to your doctor. They're the professionals.

greeneyed_bride · February 2012

tooley2012:
I went to an arcade pizza joint and played Skeeball at 35 weeks pregnant and was told by one of the workers that it wasn't safe for me to be playing the game.

Hahahaha!! It's unsafe for a pregnant woman to play SKEEBALL?? That may be the best one yet.

Jazzyashes84 · February 2012

AlabamaMamma224:
I take baths, I eat tuna, I eat hot dogs and unheated deli meat.......and I don't listen to what other people say...just smile and nod.

AND I even did a tiny bit of wine tasting this weekend on our babymoon, so shoot me.

I know how you feel...I actually wrote a blog about how that's been the most annoying thing about pregnancy, esp being a FTM and going through a billion of emotions (more-so in the beginning)...after ppl read it I think they started backing off a bit.

JJbird86 · February 2012

Smile and Nod. And then think hateful things to myself.

tooley2012 · February 2012

greeneyed_bride:
tooley2012:
I went to an arcade pizza joint and played Skeeball at 35 weeks pregnant and was told by one of the workers that it wasn't safe for me to be playing the game.

Hahahaha!! It's unsafe for a pregnant woman to play SKEEBALL?? That may be the best one yet.

I've yet to figure out WHY it's unsafe. I can only guess she would be thinking that the motion of my arm would somehow wrap the cord around LO's neck. Or repeatedly bending to get the ball. Who knows. I just know that at 35 weeks pregnant, I still kicked my husband's ass

MsCatra · February 2012

If it's a close family member making a concerned comment, I'll explain why it's OK. If it's a stranger making a stupid comment, I usually make a sarcastic comment along the lines of "Man, I can't wait to get home to my six pack!" or "Can you hold on? Baby's really fiending for a nic-fix" since they obviously think I'm stupid and ill-informed. Harsh? Yes. MYOB people.

shannm · February 2012

I just tell them that I am not worried and continue on. I spent the last few days painting. "OMG - why would you risk it??!!" I just told them that I was taking every precaution and that there really is no evidence that low VOC household paint used correctly is a danger late in pregnancy. They just shake their heads and move on.

I love tuna and eat it probably once/week. And deli meats. And I treat myself with diet coke.....you just have to block these people out.

jeapplegate · February 2012

I just straight up tell them that they don't know what they are talking about. They don't and they need to be told.

PregsterDD · February 2012

Ha Ha, lots of responses to this one. My DH bought LO a onsie that says, "My mommy doesn't care what you think." It's priceless...wish I had one in my size, I would totally wear it!

SpankylovesSparky · February 2012

Hi there,

I know exactly what you mean, so many people are soo opinionated. I have a great nurse who is really supportive of us and she gave us some great advice on how to deal with this at our last appointment on Friday- "Smile and nod and then DISMISS IT, seriously, some advice will be good; about 95% of it will be rubbish!" I love that woman!

ChelseaMarie44 · February 2012

I work in a coffee shop and hear this kind of stuff every day. I have started just telling people what I know they want to hear (it's not their business anyways, might as well just say something to shut them up) or saying that whatever I am doing is ok as a fact. Like if they say I shouldn't be drinking my cup of coffee I'll either say "Oh it's decaf, I just miss the taste!" or "Actually, one cup a day has been proven to perfectly fine through pregnancy" ending each with a definitive smile. One of my regulars who is a middle aged man tried telling me I had to do something that is no longer true and I just told him "Oh that's actually not what they reccomend anymore" and walked away. People really just need to keep their noses in their own business.

returnhomegnome · February 2012

I lightly reply "oh? my doctor said I could, and I trust her". That usually shuts them up. And I do a LOT of things that raise eyebrows (drink wine, eat sushi, etc)

6sour6grapes6 · February 2012

Keri Marie:
Wow. Those are pretty minor infractions if you ask me. People like to be involved and be "right". I'd say something if you were smoking or drinking.
I'd ignore it or remind them that you HAVE a Doctor.

isn't this all a tad hypocritical?

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