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3rd Trimester
why do some people make parenthood sound so miserable??
I am starting to get really sick of some friends and co workers who make it sound like having a baby is so bad! I already get enough " are you ready for this?" every day. then some of my friends will sit there and say oh u will be so tired, and depressed and baby blues, and baby will drive u crazy blah blah. yes a newborn will not be a walk in the park, really all of being a parent wont be, but I dont think every moment is going to be bad! there will also be wonderful moments too. my husband and I will be as ready as we ever can be, but no one is truly ready. just stop being so negative, an focus on some positive parts too! I dont want to hear about baby blues all day, I want to be as positive as I can next month when I get closer to delivery! anyone else felt this way?
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Re: why do some people make parenthood sound so miserable??
Because some people are just miserable in general.
I also think that some people do have a really hard time adjusting to parenthood, or have particularly challenging babies.
I try and be honest and balanced with my experiences of motherhood, but I don't think you can describe any of it fully. No one fully understands the agony of sleep deprivation, or the joy of cuddling your very own baby at 3am, until they live it.
In the same way you cannot really explain what labour and childbirth feels like, and even if you could, it doesn't really matter because who says my experience will be anything like your experience.
So ignore the negative people. I know that's easier said than done.
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Agree! There are definitely hard days, but the good SO outweighs the bad. Some people are just negative and want everyone else around them to be miserable too.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Yep, some people just love to be miserable and negative. My sister is fond of saying, "Soon you'll have to deal with this!" and, "I can't wait until you have to deal with this!" like my niece is some horrible burden to her. My DH was shocked when he finally heard her and saw her general attitude, but I just told him that she's kinda a negative person in general who's not happy with her life, so it doesn't surprise me. I try to just feel sorry for her instead. That way I can feel superior with my happy life <wicked smile>.
My "favorite" thing people always talk about its sleep deprivation. I've had wicked insomnia for most of my pregnancy. In the beginning, people would ask me how I was feeling and I'd say great, except for the insomnia. Pretty much EVERY time someone says, "Well, it's only going to get worse after the baby comes!" LOL. Way to look at the positive side, people! Now I just say, "Good!" and leave it at that.
oh, man: THIS.
i can't sleep now. i have hard trouble sleeping my entire life. and you know what? if i'm awake at least i'll get to be hanging out with my brand-new daughter instead of just laying there trying not to wake up my husband.
luckily i haven't had too many negative comments, but more the opposite. pretty much every time i talk to my mother or grandmother they say, "but it's all worth it!" like, 10 times per conversation.
i know it's worth it. that's why i am doing it.
whenever i see a small child in public i do like to gleefully say to my husband, "we're going to have one of those!"
it doesn't matter if the kid is crying or being adorable. because you get everything. not just the bad and not just the good. because you're having a baby. a little person.
it's not like adopting a dog.
I have not been on this board in a long time, and I just came on here out of curiosity. I had my son in October and I was NOT prepared for how hard it really is!! Its NO JOKE!!!
I thought the pregnancy/birth part was going to be the hard part.... no waaaaaay... THAT is a breeze.......I guess people tell you that stuff because its true.
I love my son with all my heart and soul but I never realize how difficult it is to be a mommy. It has made my husband and I second guess having another one... we are JUST now getting to the point where its getting easier - almost 4 months.... and I am thinking about #2 but the first 3 months were insane.
Either those people are just negative or they *think* they're "helping" by telling you these things to prepare you. Either way, I agree, it sucks to hear negative things all the time!
My son is the best thing ever. He can make me smile regardless of if I'm happy or in the worst possible mood ever. I spent 1 week home with him after Christmas &, while frustrating at times, it was the best week I've ever had. I can't wait to have this new lil guy & go through everything again & experience even more new stuff with them both!
This! I feel so happy every time my son calls me "Mama!"
BUT, it is true that parenting is hard. It's good to know ahead of time that you might suffer from baby blue or depression. I think that's very important. Also, to me, being a parent is hard not because of sleep deprivation or luck of free time, but because of the fact that I have so much influence on one person. The way I talk, the way I act, the way I think will be reflected on my child, so I have to constantly remind myself of trying to be a good person.
Proud mother of two breech babies:)
I really believe it's all about attitude. I think you need to hang with more positive people.
I love being a mom. Is my DD a challenge at times? Of course. But the good, amazing, heart-warming moments FAR outweigh the stressful times.
All of this. Having a baby is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm honest about it. I personally cannot stand people who pretend it's all puppies and rainbows. It's not. It's hard and sleep deprivation sucks.
I'm actually one of the most laid back parents I know, and I'm not a negative person at all. I love my DD more than anything. But your life does change and it's not all wonderful.
Well, for some of us, it did suck- especially at first. People like to share their horror stories.
I don't assault people with our baby horror stories but if they ask how breast feeding, sleeping, etc. went I tell the truth. All of it sucked.
Being a parent isn't miserable. My first baby was horrendous and I live in fear that the second one will be too but remain hopeful for an easy baby.
Good luck with your angel baby.
I think there's some truth in this, too. My aforementioned sis likes to talk about how hard things are/were, but when I ask her what she expected or how she prepared usually the answer is along the lines of unrealistic and she didn't.
Just to clarify, I'm not saying everyone who has trouble adjusting was unprepared and unrealistic, but it does often seem to me that many of the most vocal people belong in that category.
Some people are just miserable indeed.
Newborns aren't easy, but we were on cloud nine when our son was born, and honestly have been ever since - despite the sleep deprivation, the discipline battles, the expense, etc. etc. etc. Having kids is awesome.
Look, I won't sugarcoat it for you- parenting is the hardest job you'll ever do. It's possibly also the most rewarding. People who make it sound miserable are, well, miserable people, it's that simple.
I didn't get a lot of those comments when I was pregnant with our daughter. Now that I am pregnant again I get a lot of 'are you ready for life with two, it's a lot harder than one" blah blah blah. Listen I know it's hard, that's life but I also know every kid is different, I know what kind of parents I am (and what kind of parent I strive to be) and even though I am not perfect it makes no difference.
And seriously, taking care of a newborn isn't all that difficult so long as you can deal with a little sleep deprivation. I have found my three year old to be way more of a challenge than when she was a tiny babe. That's my experience though, YMMV. I would say you won't know how hard/easy it will be until you meet your kid. That determines a lot of how "miserable" you will be. And I'd say if you can find the positive in having baby around you won't be miserable at all.
And to those people who are miserable about it, just realize that it's more about them and nod and smile and walk away. Best advice.
lurker here- i agree with all of this. i'm so nervous to have our second (i'm due in march) because of the sleep deprivation and the hormones. i LOVE being a parent, but there are things that are harder than you'd expect. i too wish someone had warned me so that i wasn't so surprised at how truly hard it is. that said, i think it is so hard because it is so rewarding and absolutely the best thing i have ever done in my life.
Some people are just downers and have to rain all over everything before they can be happy. There was one one elderly lady in our church who felt she had to tell us how "newborns are so ugly" and how she "couldn't stand the look of her daughter when she was born because she was so ugly" when all I did was tell her how far along I was. DH's grandmother was with me at the time and we just stared at her in disbelief and shook our heads.