Losing hope...sad and angry...

ala_1220 · January 2012

DH is squashing my dreams of becoming a mom. He has decided he's not sure if he wants us to do the IVF and would be ok with not having children. He said he's not sure he is ready to be a father. I told him that not many men are until they actually become one. I dont know what has changed his mind since we've been trying for over 2 years now to have a baby. I have been so upset the last week or so after we went to the IVF class and we left the class without signing any consents like all of the other couples.

He is out of town this week and told me we can talk more about it when he comes back. I'm just so sad and so mad at him at the same time. As long as I can remember I knew I wanted children. I even went in to nursing knowing I only wanted to work with children. I am now 38 and don't have much time for my work obsessed husband to decide when and if he is ready to have children.

He also totally hates the idea of IVF. He wants to get pregnant naturally...who doesn't. But that is not an option for us anymore...my doctor has medically proven that.

I sure hope he is ready to talk when he gets back. Please keep us in your T&P that we can come to a decision soon and I don't have to kill him....cause I'll never become a mom that way.

mork · February 2012

*hugs*

buckeyebaby814 · February 2012

I have to agree with Wicked, the class may have just brought the seriousness of the situation out to him and scared him. I have no real advice to offer, but I will keep you and your husband in my T&Ps. I hope you two are able to talk about it when he gets home and come to a mutual decision, or at least open the conversation about IVF.

Big ::HUGS::

ktsnshn · February 2012

((Hugs)) I hope you can work things out. Maybe he just needs some time to process al the IVF info.

amandachs · February 2012

I'm really hoping he is just scared and that through talking it out you can come to an agreement. I think there is a lot of pressure when things don't happen "naturally" and interventions are necessary. There are times my DH says he could go either way with the decision to have children, for me it's a deal breaker. In that respect I understand. If he were ever to say the same thing to me I would feel the exact same way. I am of the opinion that if, even through trying and going as far as IVF, we weren't able to have children biologically that as difficult as it would be, at least we would have tried. Perhaps put it to him that way?? I know time is not on your side, but perhaps he needs patience and time to absorb it all after the presentation. ((((Hugs))))

1220winterbride · February 2012

I am so sorry. I am in a similar boat. 39 & He used to be open to adoption or IVF until we found out we might need those options! I will pray that you can come to terms soon.

jenn0021 · February 2012

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how that would feel. All I have ever wanted was to be a mom and I don't know what I would do if DH told me he didn't want to exhaust every option to be one. I'm sending you ((hugs)) and hoping that you guys can talk about it and come to a mutual decision.

hungryhippo · February 2012

((huge, warm hugs))

CashewsMommy · February 2012

{{{hugs}}} I am so sorry hun. I really hope that he's just scared.

I know, personally, my DH hates the idea of spending money to try to get pregnant. With our past failed clomid/trigger cycles, he calculated how much money we spent on nothing. He is stinking at saving up for an IUI because he can always find something better to spend it on than "nothing", which is what he thinks of these procedures.

I hope this time away makes him change his mind.

vanessa lynne · February 2012

I am so sorry ..I hope he is just overwhelmed right now and thinks more about it.

((HUGE HUGS))

RizzaTs · February 2012

I am so sorry. You guys will be in my prayers and I'm sending many positive thoughts your way.

MandaS08 · February 2012

I'm sorry! I would imagine that now that IVF is a reality it's probably really scarey for him-and he may not know how to move forward with IVF until he's dealt with those fears. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is great that it stops us from moving forward.

I hope you both can have a honest and open dialogue and he will be back on board!

Laurakat81 · February 2012

I'm sorry. I really hope he comes around. (((hugs)))

bluebonnetmeg · February 2012

((hugs)) I am so sorry. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

butterfly843 · February 2012

((hugs)) the class might have freaked him out a little. Did you ask his reasons for not wanting to do IVF now? I hope when he comes back you guys can have a talk and hopefully get on the same page.

Carolee · February 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I completely understand the part about your DH wanting to do it naturally - mine does this also. It's like he has NO CLUE about how slim the chances are of that happening. It frustrates me so much. Anyway, I really hope you'll be able to make a decision you're both comfortable with. Sending big (((HUGS)))

yuengling58 · February 2012

I'm so sorry - this has to be awful to deal with on top of everything. Maybe DH just got freaked out at the IVF class? I think it's harder for them to understand the statistics and how slim a chance you have every month even if everything is "ok." It's so frustrating! Hopefully you guys can figure this out.. Huge ((hugs))!

Rawr08 · February 2012

Oh hun I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard when your husband tells you something like that, especially when you have both been on the same page. I hope his time out of town will help clear his head and he will come home more refreshed and ready to give it his all. Most importantly I think you both need to really talk about it, you need to let him know how important this is to you. I hope you can get this resolved and move forward with IVF. Sending you tons of love.

lavril · February 2012

Big (((HUGS)))

Losing hope...sad and angry...

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