Baby Shower After Baby?

raynes · February 2012

SIL is attempting to plan a shower for me (bless her heart), but H's aunts are being extremely difficult. H's grandma is down in Florida until mid-April (left just after Christmas), and they seem to think that it's perfectly fine to wait until then to have the shower so that H's grandma will be there (not her first great-grandchild).

Now, I don't really want to be traveling 1.5 hours away from my house and hospital when I'm 37+ weeks, so this is not ideal for me.

SIL is trying for March 31st (36wks), but apparently his aunts are now "busy every weekend in March" and want to do it after the baby arrives so Grandma can be there/throw the shower.

At first I was pretty adamant about wanting the shower before baby, so we'd know what else we need to buy, but if history repeats itself from my bridal shower, H's family will buy whatever the heck they want, our needs/registry be damned. So we wouldn't really be hoping for basics/needs from that shower anyway.

So maybe doing it after is just easier for everyone. But I have no idea about when. I'm a FTM so I have no idea what the first few weeks/month will be like. When are after-baby showers usually held? Bearing in mind that we'll have to travel 1.5 hours to and from the shower, what would you guys do?

Unknown · February 2012

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AmyJoy728 · February 2012

We are having a 'meet and greet' after the twins come, since we had to postpone the shower when I was in the hosp/on bedrest. I was hoping to get it planned for May/June. I've heard a lot of FTM's not want to take newborns to large gatherings until after 6 weeks.

westrose · February 2012

My family was having a hard time picking a date for the shower and wanted to do it at 38 weeks. I said no! I didn't want to travel 2 hours from my house that close to my due date and who even knows if the baby would like to show up early. The picked when I am 35 weeks. Much better

An after baby shower would drive me nuts. I would want to know what I should buy and what people are going to get. What if someone buys your car seat but you need it beforehand? Also, that means that you are going to have to bring your baby to the shower. At a couple weeks old, I do not want everyone touching and holding my baby.

Wildlandwife · February 2012

I had an after-baby shower about a 1-1.5 months after DD was born. It worked out best for everyone on DH's side of the family. I pretty much got 99% clothes which was nice, but I got so many in the same size she could hardly wear all them.

I know you don't have much say, but IMO, I did not like my after baby shower. I won't be having another one with this little guy. It was not relaxing for me with a NB who I was BFing. It was very stressful for me. Plus, they drew numbers to hold DD for a certain amount of time and it literally became 'pass the hot potato' game which drove me nuts because as she cried, I would try to go hold her and got a few comments of "Mommy doesn't get to cut in line, she gets to hold you all the time". Angry

shadypines · February 2012

Well since I am not having a shower (this is my 3rd child). We might have a meet the baby afterwards, and assuming that people will bring a gift . I have attend baby showers after the baby has arrived. I see no problem with it. GL!! Wink

raynes · February 2012

Yeah, H doesn't really get the whole not wanting to do it for at least 6 weeks after the baby arrives. He doesn't really understand my concerns with having him around all those people, and pregnancy brain makes it difficult for me to explain my side!

BigAppleBiggerBelly · February 2012

Wildlandwife:
Plus, they drew numbers to hold DD for a certain amount of time and it literally became 'pass the hot potato' game which drove me nuts because as she cried, I would try to go hold her and got a few comments of "Mommy doesn't get to cut in line, she gets to hold you all the time".

OMG, who are these people? Granted, I've only touched babies a couple of times before, but the moment they make any noise, I'm in a panic looking for mom.

shadypines · February 2012

raynes:
Yeah, H doesn't really get the whole not wanting to do it for at least 6 weeks after the baby arrives. He doesn't really understand my concerns with having him around all those people, and pregnancy brain makes it difficult for me to explain my side!

They will NEVER get it!! hehehe!! I think 6weeks after you deliver is great time for a baby shower.

AmyJoy728 · February 2012

BigAppleBiggerBelly:
Wildlandwife:
Plus, they drew numbers to hold DD for a certain amount of time and it literally became 'pass the hot potato' game which drove me nuts because as she cried, I would try to go hold her and got a few comments of "Mommy doesn't get to cut in line, she gets to hold you all the time".
OMG, who are these people? Granted, I've only touched babies a couple of times before, but the moment they make any noise, I'm in a panic looking for mom.

Agreed!!

cjlato · February 2012

IMHO, here a couple of things wrong with your SIL's plans. First, I think it's etremely inconsiderate to expect you to travel for your baby shower, no matter how pregnant you are or how old your baby is. If your family wants to do something nice for you, then they should do something nice for you. Period. That means holding the party in your hometown.

Second, I have always thought it's a bad idea to have a baby shower before there's a baby. Partly because people want to see the baby, but mostly because my mother once had a baby shower held for her prior to baby's arrival, and she "came home from the hospital empty-handed". The baby was stillborn. That would be painful enough without having to deal with all of the gifts and memories of the shower.

I am a FTM, but thankfully, my sister, who has 5 of her own, agrees wholeheartedly with me, and will hold a shower after baby arrives. If people give you gifts and hand-me-downs before baby is born, accept them graciously like we have (afterall, you have to be prepared), but there are plenty of items that you can do without for a few weeks or even a month after baby is born. You can probably even borrow many items from friends and relatives, and give them back once you get your own at your shower. Your baby won't care what color of onesie or sleeper it is wearing, and people will bring you gender-specific clothing while you are still in the hospital.

Those are my two cents!

smudgee · February 2012

My mom is throwing a meet the baby after the baby is born. I like this way. So many people are looking forward to meeting him so this way I can get the meet and greets done all in one day.

I also dont expect my family and friends to buy the BIG items (eg- Car seat, crib ect) I believe that is my responsibility.

On a side note, a meet and greet is also a surprisingly popular thing in Canada. A lot of people have their baby showers beforehand, but a lot have them afterwards too.

acooper18 · February 2012

If I get one, it'll be when I'm home 6 weeks after she's due. I don't really want one, but I think MIL is planning one.

JSweetieXO · February 2012

I would definitely not want it after. I personally see no point since a "shower" is meant to give you presents. What the heck is the point when you will have to buy damn near everything you NEED before the baby arrives. You can't just wait around and say well what if they get us that?

acooper18 · February 2012

Wildlandwife:
I had an after-baby shower about a 1-1.5 months after DD was born. It worked out best for everyone on DH's side of the family. I pretty much got 99% clothes which was nice, but I got so many in the same size she could hardly wear all them.

I know you don't have much say, but IMO, I did not like my after baby shower. I won't be having another one with this little guy. It was not relaxing for me with a NB who I was BFing. It was very stressful for me. Plus, they drew numbers to hold DD for a certain amount of time and it literally became 'pass the hot potato' game which drove me nuts because as she cried, I would try to go hold her and got a few comments of "Mommy doesn't get to cut in line, she gets to hold you all the time".

This is what I'm worried about. I don't want to have to say, 'I'm her mom, give me my baby' and come off as a jerk, but I will if it comes down to that.

JSweetieXO · February 2012

acooper18:
Wildlandwife:

I had an after-baby shower about a 1-1.5 months after DD was born. It worked out best for everyone on DH's side of the family. I pretty much got 99% clothes which was nice, but I got so many in the same size she could hardly wear all them.

I know you don't have much say, but IMO, I did not like my after baby shower. I won't be having another one with this little guy. It was not relaxing for me with a NB who I was BFing. It was very stressful for me. Plus, they drew numbers to hold DD for a certain amount of time and it literally became 'pass the hot potato' game which drove me nuts because as she cried, I would try to go hold her and got a few comments of "Mommy doesn't get to cut in line, she gets to hold you all the time".

This is what I'm worried about. I don't want to have to say, 'I'm her mom, give me my baby' and come off as a jerk, but I will if it comes down to that.

Yea I would totally be a b!tch and tell them to give me my child now!

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