Sleep deprivation-About to lose it

arcook0307 · February 2012

Some nights LO will not go to sleep despite being fed, changed, etc. Last night was one of those nights. At one point, I just said OMG! My husband came in from the other bedroom where he had been sleeping. The baby is crying. I am crying. He picks her up and tries to soothe her. She burps and that helps. He talks to her and she calms down. I am still in tears ready to just sleep. He essentially looks at me and says hatefully "You are so focused on yourself. Can't you see that?! What is wrong with you??" Well I LOST it. I SCREAMED at him. "I'm sick, exhausted, and I am functioning on a month with little sleep!" He jerks all the baby's stuff off the bed and takes her to the other bedroom claiming I disgust him and that I am an unfit mother. I know I shouldn't have yelled at him but I get SO sick of him telling me I am selfish when I get frustrated and telling me how he's been so much more tired before since he has been required to be awake for days at a time in the military. I almost want to commit myself just to get away from him. I can't get him to see how hard this adjustment is on no sleep. I am fine during the day but at night when I am most tired is when I get most emotional. I do try to sleep when LO sleeps but somedays I just can't....

Vasana · February 2012

He shouldn't be saying things like that, who was asleep? Who was struggling with the crying baby? and you are unfit?!?! That is a crock of BS! He disgust me! I'd like to see the big bad military man deal with a infant after all his lack of sleep, it a different situation and he should get that. I was a raving lunitic yesterday, people had to tiptoe around me but that doesn't make me unfit, it makes me tired, and I'm glad no one was there making the situation worse. If he wants what is best for his baby he might want to start supporting her mother instead of bringing you down. It does get better with the sleep, you will work your way out of it, just hold on and know you are a wonderful mother, but you are also human. I hope things get better for you.

mrsrgl · February 2012

Your husband is being an insensitive jerk, Sorry, I know he's your husband, but step back for a moment and read what you wrote as if if was someone else's post. Maybe he's got other qualities that are great, I'm sure he does. But seriously, saying things like that don't help anything, and it may be a good idea to discuss that with him. Aside from that, I read a blog post the other day that someone put on one of the boards. It really seemed to help me feel better about my 5 wk old. You should see if there is someone who can watch your LO for an afternoon so you can get some sleep. It'll make a world of difference. Here is the link to the blog of the letter to the new mom. I hope it helps a little. And just take things day by day and hang in there, because with a husband who has such negative things to say, your baby needs you. https://goodmadness01.blogspot.com/

Cinamom · February 2012

Wow I am sorry you are going through this. All of us have bad nights and moments where we break down and I'm sorry your DH can't understand that. I hope he was just frustrated last night as well and didn't really mean that. Hang on it will get better.

talitha712 · February 2012

I'm sorry it's rough and I'm sorry your husband isn't being supportive. Ditto PP - can you have someone come over so you can get some sleep? I've had a couple close friends sit downstairs while DD napped and I went upstairs to sleep. It made a world of difference.

asyph107 · February 2012

Im sorry! Many of us understand exactly what you are going through. I have absolutely been there, sitting with one of my boys while they are up all night, they are crying, Im crying..its normal. You are a human being, sleep, infants, emotional behavior all go together. Tell your husband if its so easy for him to be up, he can take the night shifts for a week or so while you get rested up, see how he feels then. My DH is a giant pain in the a$% when it comes to childcare, basically no help however at least he does not judge me when I get overwhelmed. I think you need to tell DH if he isn't going to help he def can not judge or have input.

All I can say is nap if you can when the baby does, screw the house, order some take out, and take the next few days an hour at a time. It gets better! DS2 was only sleeping for 45 mins at a time for basically a month, and now he sleeps for 2 to 3 hours, which doesn't sound like much but any improvement feels good, and your LO will get there.

janinekrause · February 2012

Wow. I am so sorry. The sleep part sucks which is why my DH helped me with my first and with this one. He is freelancing so easier this time around, but with my first he was gone from 7AM to 8PM at work and still got up at night to help.

Talk to your DH. Sounds like he is being a big jerk. You guys need to work it out too because he isnt being supportive. Is he always like this?

Bateaulover · February 2012

YOU are not crazy. He is, for saying that to you. Nor are you unfit. He's probably just as overwhelmed as you and is trying to hide it. I remember feeling like crap during those first few weeks and I was about to lose my mind. My husband told me i had a "blank look on my face." Well hell, I guess I did! I had just pushed out a human and then had to take care of him! Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and it will get better. The thing that helped me was my brother's girlfriend coming over and spending the night. She's an RN too--which eased my mind. I got a full 8 hrs of sleep and that's when I turned the corner. Now they're getting married and I have told her when they have kids I will do the same for her!

karinothing · February 2012

Umm your husband is being a jerk. He should not be saying things like that to you! I am very sorry.

Is there a reason he is not helping you at night? Even if he has to work, so what? He says he can be up for days at a time without sleep so he should be able to function just fine while helping you. I breastfed so it was a bit more difficult but my husband would change the baby each time he woke, get me drinks and snacks and on the rare occasion the baby didn't fall asleep while nursing he rocked him to sleep.

If you are formula feeding then there is no reason why he can't take a few shifts or heck even an entire night so you can get some sleep.

MesmrEwe · February 2012

My first thought reading that is "I'd go Joint Chiefs on his butt"! I'm sure his CO might do the same if made aware of him having his head up his rear to say something like that!

I would hook up with either family or another military mom/wife friend and see if they can watch your LO for you to get 5-8 sustained hours of uninterrupted sleep (it'll feel like you slept a month) or as a friend called it "talk you off the Military Mom ledge"... Selfish or not, if you aren't taking care of yourself at all, you aren't taking care of LO to the fullest extent. If you're BF, then at night introduce the bottle instead of latching. Sleep on the floor in LO's room if you're truly that tired.

Secondly to that, there are resources through the VA and military if this is a continuing issue such that you should nip this in the bud. You aren't a soldier and he shouldn't be treating you like a new recruit Private. You're a new Mom and Seals get more sleep during training than you've gotten in the past month. It's not selfish, just the reality. You need sleep and quite simply, need to be keeping him up with you so he can get a grasp on all that you're doing. The thing is, sleep is the number one treatment for heading off PPD at the pass. Also, you MUST sleep when your LO sleeps! Forget the house work, shower, clean clothes, dinner, etc., and get the sleep. It's amazing what a little will do for you and your baby's wellbeing!

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