One and done bc of age

pooksmom · January 2012

Right now, we have a 7 month old. I am about to turn 40 and DH is 47. He feels like he is too old to have another child and I would love for DD to have a sibling. There is a part of me that is feeling so tired right now and I am not getting any youger that I think maybe he is right about sticking to one. Anyone else in the same boat?

BrideBuddies · January 2012

You are 39. You are not old.

I am 44 and kind of wishing we'd TTC right away after C.. when I was 42. But then again, there's nothing wrong with having only one kid.

superaunt · January 2012

we're one and done- partly cuz of age but more so cuz we're just complete as a family.

EastCoastBride · January 2012

Your age, eh, whatever. I wouldn't let that stop me. But your DH - I can understand where he's coming from. I honestly look at DS and think of so much in terms of "how old will I be when ___ happens". I was 38 (a month shy of 39) when he was born.

I'll be in my late 50's at high school graduation. I would HOPE to be in my late 60's at his wedding (as in, I don't want him getting married too young!). Etc.

Add 9 years too all those ages? It would freak me out, to be honest.

And I will say - age does play a role in energy level. I do laugh at girls in their early 20's talking about not wanting to be an "old mom" at the age of 30, and I don't feel like an old mom now. BUT there is an element of truth - I don't have the same energy or stamina that I did 10, 15, 20 years ago. I haven't gotten my cane out yet - I can keep up w/ him. But still - I can recognize some of the truth.

There is a strong societal pull to have more than one kid. But we too are in the "one and done" bucket. Sometimes it makes me sad. Other times I realize how hard it would honestly be to have another child.

Married2003 · January 2012

Oh goodness, what I give to be 40 again! I'm 42 and hoping to be pregnant soon.

mswood1977 · January 2012

posted on the wrong board

robynlesley · January 2012

My age was a large part of why we're one and done (other factors were finances and little support) and I was "only" 39 when I delivered DS. I will be 42 this year. Honestly, I'm too tired and overwhelmed by my son, my aging parents, my job situation, etc., to have a second.

Plus I didn't marry until 5 months before I conceived DS (at 38) and for years thought I'd never have ONE child. So he is a blessing... I am happy to be done, after my one.

NewMrs07 · January 2012

I'm 41 and still want to have another child. My DH would be fine with just one but he can be "pushed off the fence" on that issue. That's the reason we didn't TTC soon after #1, when I was only 39-40 and probably had more chances. My DH thinks it's too much work and too expensive, which is true. But I always wanted a family of four so we're going to keep TTC this year and see what happens. I think age is not such a big deal, but that's me. We're already saving for retirement and for Adrian's college. Not a lot but it's a start, and I plan on working full-time soon (I work PT now), so with 2 decent salaries I'm not too worried about the future.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

EastCoastBride · January 2012

robynlesley:

My age was a large part of why we're one and done (other factors were finances and little support) and I was "only" 39 when I delivered DS. I will be 42 this year. Honestly, I'm too tired and overwhelmed by my son, my aging parents, my job situation, etc., to have a second.

Plus I didn't marry until 5 months before I conceived DS (at 38) and for years thought I'd never have ONE child. So he is a blessing... I am happy to be done, after my one.

Slightly different circumstances, but this all resonates so much with me and why we're one and done!

vanverth · January 2012

pooksmom:

Right now, we have a 7 month old. I am about to turn 40 and DH is 47. He feels like he is too old to have another child and I would love for DD to have a sibling. There is a part of me that is feeling so tired right now and I am not getting any youger that I think maybe he is right about sticking to one. Anyone else in the same boat?

I am 42 and DH is 48 and we are in the same boat. We are just too tired to chase another one. Although we would love another one.

javanut · January 2012

I'm 42 and husband is 44. My daughter was born when we were 40 and 42.. I'd like to have another but husband is leaning no because of age. He would be 45 when number two is born and is worried about being 63 at high school graduation.

Im torn. I guess I was just lazy in my 20s but I feel like I have more energy now because I take better care of myself and I hope I will feel well in my 50s and 60s.however, I was talking to a 63-year old coworker who was shocked at the number of his high school classmates who have already died. Yikes. That scares me.

Dragonflyer · January 2012

I had my second at 40 and yes I'm tired but no more tired than I was with 1 really. I'd actually consider having a third if we were financially in a better place, had good health insurance, etc.

Sunidaze · January 2012

We are, more likely than not, one and done. And age has a lot to do with it. I'm going to be 39 in a few months so that's not a huge deal. DH is four years older than me...that is more of a big deal for him. For the most part, I am fine with it...but lately I've been having a bit of baby fever. Newly pregnant coworker, a friend just a baby the other day, a coworker's daughter brought in her squishy newborn the other day. And the fact that it seems my 7 month old has just grown way too fast...

sokmonkee3517 · January 2012

I will turn 40 this April and I'm rowing along right beside you! H is 35 (all the time in the world) and worried about the logistics (I currently take LO to work with me or work from home on the days he is working, he is in restaurant management and has her on his two days off during the week) so we don't have to pay for DC. It works great with one, I'm not so sure how we could pull it off with two. I on the other hand feel my clock ticking away. It wasn't so easy to conceive E and it wasn't such a smooth pregnancy. It's difficult not to feel pressured to get back on the horse so soon at this age.

Elocin · February 2012

I just turned 37 and LO will be one in May. I'm not sure if we're done. DH just turned 35. I keep thinking about my parents when they were my age. I was 14 when my mom was 37! I know things are different in this day & age. But I can't help but think of that kind of stuff.

Em&Bee · February 2012

I'm going to be 41 and DH is going to be 49, besides the scare of Downs Syndrome, etc at an older age, we'd both be totally open to another LO, but unfortunately, we've had some IF issues, (mostly just age related), so not sure we can have another one or not. That would be our reason for being done. But, I'm so happy we could have at least one after 4 years of TTC.

mojito14 · February 2012

We are not one and done (we have two), but age is playing a role in possibly having a third. I'm fine with my age (36), but dh is quite a bit older than me and very concerned about having a third because of it.

JennRN65 · February 2012

Hmmm.... Well, I had Princess B when I was 44 after 5 years of TTC. I am now 46 and we are again TTC. I have older kids (23, 22, 21, and 18) and I have a ton more energy, patience, and knowledge than I did back then.

There is nothing wrong with 1 and done but there is also nothing wrong with having kids in your 40's.

Watergirl21 · February 2012

I just wanted to add in my experience... I was raised by older parents. My mom was 42 and my Dad 44 when they had me. I was an oops and the 6th child. My mom was mortified to be pregnant at that age and I am sure they worried about energy- but you know it's all worked out fine. My Dad still coached my sports team and went to all my games, school events etc. Now I am 35 and my parents are in their late 70's- they are both still in great health and have always been able to be fully involved in my life. They retired when I was in University and it was kind of nice to have parents that weren't working all the time, and able to come visit me, help me out when I needed it. I have a very different relationship to my parents than my older sibblings do... so i can tell that their parenting style changed from their 20's and 30's and I think that was to my benefit.

Some 40 year old are much healthier than a lot of 20 somethings...

Em&Bee · February 2012

watergirl21:

I just wanted to add in my experience... I was raised by older parents. My mom was 42 and my Dad 44 when they had me. I was an oops and the 6th child. My mom was mortified to be pregnant at that age and I am sure they worried about energy- but you know it's all worked out fine. My Dad still coached my sports team and went to all my games, school events etc. Now I am 35 and my parents are in their late 70's- they are both still in great health and have always been able to be fully involved in my life. They retired when I was in University and it was kind of nice to have parents that weren't working all the time, and able to come visit me, help me out when I needed it. I have a very different relationship to my parents than my older sibblings do... so i can tell that their parenting style changed from their 20's and 30's and I think that was to my benefit.

Some 40 year old are much healthier than a lot of 20 somethings...

Nice to hear for us older parents, thanks for sharing that. Smile

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