Single Parents
Living with parents
Has anyone else had to move back home with their parents? I had a place to live but moved after STBXH and I had a fight that I thought would become physical, and he shook me up from living alone.
Living with my parents has brought on some pretty negative feelings about my situation. I never thought I'd have to rely on them again after 4 years of being independent.
Sometimes I feel like they undermine my parenting skills and the difficulty I'm facing as a single mom. We don't always get along and I feel like part of it is I feel like a burden on them.
Just wondering if anyone was in the same situation, and what you do to make the transition back easier?
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Re: Living with parents
I live with my mom and she's been amazing. I work early some morning so she gets Wy up on those days. She babysits when I need time out, and supports my parenting. She also spoils Wy like crazy.
When I start getting consistent CS I'll look at moving out but I'm not in any rush and I'm saving a bit of money. We argue sometimes about toys being left out, laundry sitting in the dryer for days and not turning lights off but nothing huge.
You are very very lucky. If I ask my parents to watch DS I get the biggest stink eye ever. I feel like a prisoner here, the only person who WOULD watch DS for me is STBXH and he is no longer a safe option.
They ask me to change how I live but aren't willing to meet me even close to half way. I understand it's their home, but everyday I feel like I'm going through the motions here just obsessing over finding work and doing whatever to avoid a fight, especially with my mom who has nothing nice to say about my marriage with STBXH or how I raise DS (basically at one point she said I had to stop bed sharing or I had to move out).
They are kinda confining me to specific rooms, it's weird. They freak out about the toys too. I try to pick up but it's not as quick as they like. Mostly parenting things, but they obsess over my weight and what I'm eating. I get I'm overweight, I'm just really stressed, but they aren't making it better. >_<
:EDIT: Maybe "change the way I live" wasn't the right wording... It's like I had my routine with L, and they had their routine, and somewhere in the middle is this gray area that they can't seem to mesh with.
I chose to move home when I was about 7 months pregnant and it was getting difficult to do things like get groceries in. It was also financially helpful to not have to pay rent, etc. while I was working out CS issues with BD.
Now we're in a decent financial situation, but I think I'm still going to stay home for a bit to build up some savings and it's also nice to have some help with the baby. But it was and is difficult sometimes to be living in someone else's house when I'm used to being on my own.
Maybe it would help if you sat down with your parents and you guys talked about things like expectations they have for you living there and your expectations regarding their involvement in helping with your DS. You may not all agree on everything, but it might help to clear the air and ease the tension if you can talk about the issues. Good luck!
After my divorce I had too much "pride" (read: too frigging stubborn) and continued to live on my own with my 2 kids while working part-time and going to school full-time. I was struggling every month to make the mortgage and keep food on the table. After about a year and a half, my parents stepped in and took over. We sold my house and me and the kiddos moved in with my folks. It was a really rough transition and I felt pretty crappy about it.
Long term though: it helped tremendously. We didn't always see eye to eye and they undermined me quite a bit, but I was able to work full-time, go to school full-time and I knew my kids were with family and being taken care of. Since I wasn't stressing out so much financially, I was able to enjoy my kids more, and they enjoyed me more too.
I agree with PP's suggestion of discussing the expectations. Good luck!
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I moved back in with my parents when I learned I was pregnant. I can't afford to pay for child care and rent on what I make. It's hard. I'm a neat freak. My mom is a pack rat. If I spend any money on anything frivolous, they freak out. My 15 year old and I are crammed into the smallest bedroom of the house...an there's a newborn on the way. I'm hoping my dad will let one of us move into the music room when Alien comes along...or into the garage! But, that would require my mother to throw seething away. My mother has been dropping snide remarks about watching Alien when I mention things like "The Avengers", although she watches my sister's two kids all day and over night. I'm just staying here until I can get to court or get a better job. Since I'll most likely lose this one when the baby comes, it's the OTHER reason I can't move out. *sigh* My mom was really upset that I left Alien's father. She liked him a lot. I tried to tell her that a baby isn't a reason to stay with anyone, but she just ignored it. It caused a lot of friction between us. Luckily, he eventually pooped in his chili and she agreed leaving him was a good thing!
What do you mean that you will lose this one when the baby comes?
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I had to reread that part as well. She was referring to her current job I believe.
i live with my mom and it's an awesome situation. Sometimes I forget she's my mom because we feel like roommates (we split bills & groceries. And we talk like friends). She doesn't interfere with my parenting decisions (even if she doesn't agree on the way I choose to do something) and she DEFINITELY knows not to ask/comment on how I live my life. If i need to run out and do a quick errand or even if i just need a few minutes to decompress she'll keep an eye on DD for me (never for more than an hour, I don't want her to think I'm taking advantage of the fact that she's there). So it's great. I'm going back for my Master's degree this fall and know that i'll probably lean on her a lot more for help until I'm done, and she already says she doesn't mind. I realize everyone isn't this blessed though.
OP, that your situation at home sucks, hopefully you can get on your feet and move out soon.
I swallowed my pride and moved home as well. I had been independent for 6.5 years, and kind of half independent for 2 years before that. I managed to do the single parent and work 40+ hours in the lab, plus full time PhD graduate work/classes/study for a 1.5 years. I hated it and new something had to change. LO was basically in daycare from 6 am to 6 pm. Plus I had enough small health issues with LO that we had 5 specialists in addition to our pedi. My parents and family/friends in their age group always seem amazed that I handled all that and ex drama on my own for as long as I did. But I realize now that I was not doing myself or LO any good from all the work and no together time (two bottles, one meal and bath time together, thats it)
My parents for the most part don't undermine my authority and have been good enough about following my parenting so that when LO gets in trouble with them (especially grandpa) it's like her world is coming to an end. Financially I am recovering from my ex's debt that he left me with (*bangs head on wall* silly me, it's all in my name) and LO is now healthy enough that we are down to just a pedi. They don't mind watching LO which is great because it saves me daycare costs in addition to saving money on no rent. I should be completely debt free by this time next year and that includes time making a nice little nest egg in savings before trying to move out again.
OP, I'm sorry the home situation looks so miserable right now. On the other hand, if you do move in with your parents you will have PLENTY of motivation to get things together and get back on your feet. I know I would be moving double time to get myself straightened back out if my parents hadn't been so awesome in taking me back home.