Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
katmacwv
member
Re: Getting sent to the office
I agree with your husband 100%. Just because your daughter wasn't notified that gymnastics would be taken away "this time" shouldn't be a big enough reason to let her go. I always keep in mind what Dr. Phil says: you have to figure out what your child's "currency" is and if gymnastics is her "currency" (i.e. favorite thing) you have every right to use it as a disciplinary method. After all, isn't that how the real world works? You don't get paid if you don't do your job. At her age, her job is school and her currency is anything she finds enjoyable whether it be a weekly gymnastics class or her favorite TV show after dinner.
We take whatever we have to take from our daughter ANYTIME there is a disruption at school. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often but we are extremely consistent with it and we are constantly reminding our daughter of what our expectations are of her where school is concerned. We also ask her what she thinks she should do at school to be successful and she has no trouble following through. We also let her teacher know that if she has a problem with our daughter, once notified, we will do our very best to make sure that we are working on it at home as well. School is the absolute one thing that we give our daughter no wiggle room on. She seems to have gotten the message.
I think the gymnastics thing could go either way since you've used it in the past but honestly I don't think in general it's a good consequence. What is she allowed to do at nap time? Is she expected to lay on mat and stare at the ceiling for an hour + while the other kids nap or is she allowed to sit in the reading area with some books, have some attention in some way? At 4 I think it's totally normal to not be napping and I think it's the schools responsibility to ensure that she is stimulated in a proper way during the nap time. She can not be the only non-napper. The crawling around is a direct result of her being bored and being asked to do something unreasonable (I'm assuming they expect the kids to entertain themselves otherwise I find it hard to believe they'd be under the tables).
Were it my child I'd be working with the school on finding an acceptable behavior for her. They need to set her up for success, and it doesn't sound like they are doing that. If I really felt the need to address this at home in a disciplinary manner I would take away the cartoons when you get home and I'd start a reward chart where you make her earn gymnastics. It sounds like she goes twice a week, or is it once? For every day that she behaves during nap time she gets to put a sticker on her chart and if all of her stickers are full then she gets to go to gymnastics. That's more likely to help keep her on track, it's more consistent in terms of staying on her mind (although I'll be honest if she's able to think about how her actions mid day will effect the rest of her day then she's got a much higher emotional IQ then most 4's).
But really, this is only going to stop for good when the school is able to keep her body and mind busy during that time.
I have to disagree with this. Although it is important to find out what she's supposed to do during naptime (my DD is expected to lay on her cot quietly even if she's not sleeping), teachers need to know parents have their back. One of the reasons kids act up in schools is because the parents don't reinforce behavior at home. My daughter was having difficulty being poite to teachers and classmates just before she turned 4, so we talked to her at home, reminded her of the consequences and a few times talked to her with the teacher there. We made sure she knew what the consequence was and were consistent about it. It took a week, but she learned.
I would say since she didn't know it was a consequence, it's not fair to take it away, but have a talk with her and make sure she knows this is the consequence from now on (or whatever you choose). Reinforce it each day when she goes to school and tell the teachers what it is so they can remind her, then each day, ask her about how she did.
I am sorry, but I disagree with this. As a teacher, this type of thinking infuriates me.
Yes, the teacher is in charge during the day but my children need to know that I support the efforts of their teachers.
When we have had problems at school we discuss expectations every night before bed and every morning before they leave. We have seen improvements just from these reminders.
We have had to take things away before. But when we had a consistent problem we would make a chart. Every day that they acted appropriately (ie stayed on their mat during nap or whatever the behavior is) she gets a sticker. After a set amount they get a reward. I have found that the positive works better than the negative.
As for specific question, I do not think they need warning that something is going to be taken away so I agree with your husband. However, I would not take away gymnastics because it is exercise that they need.......and our classes are expensive
Ok, I'm going to be the really obnoxious one who says I don't think a 4-year-old should be sent to the office for being disruptive at naptime. That is something the teacher should be able to handle. I generally don't think that preschoolers really ever need to be sent to the office unless it's a major offense and probably something that they will be sent home for. As some of the others mentioned, what are kids who don't nap expected to do? Do they have books? Quiet toys? Have you asked your daughter why she's being disruptive? Talked about things she could be doing instead crawling under tables? I like the positive reinforcement - get 3 days of not getting in trouble and she can pick out a prize in the Target dollar bins or whatever, but I don't know how much I'd punish for it. Can you schedule a meeting with the teacher and ask what's happening and what she's doing about? Then maybe you can come up with strategies together to help her stay quiet at nap?
FWIW - The four-year-old class at our preschool doesn't have naps and the teacher reads books to them while they sit on towels or lay down. The three-year-old class has quiet time for 45 minutes where about half nap and half read books or play with quiet toys/color/whatever. They just have to stay on their mats and can't talk or play with each other.
ITA - this is a school/classroom management issue IMO and I have never heard of a child being "discplined" by being sent to the office. If some of the kids can't/won't take naps, they need to come up w/ a better solution than sending them to the office.
I think you can take gymnastics away tonight. Your daughter knows that there are consequences for not behaving. She doesn't have to know specific consequences in advance to understand that.
As for the comments about nap time not being enforceable...I'm not sure I agree with that. My daughter is 4 and she either naps or stays quiet. Going to the office isn't so much a punishment as the only thing they can do with distruptive kids. Usually staff ratios are lower at nap time and they can't have a few kids distrupting the naps of others. In my daughter's class, about 1/2 the kids still take a nap, including her some times. If she is disruptive, a "sad note" comes home to us. If she's awake but quiet we get a "happy note."
I think you should ask her teacher now long nap time is and what suggestions she has for your daughter to stay quiet if she's not napping. I would also ask that her nap mat be moved away from the other girls she likes to talk to (hopefully they have already done this). Kids rarely get in trouble for this kind of thing on their own, it's usually a group of them that get each other started. Once you know what's expected of your daughter at school you can work with her on it at home. It doesn't sound like it's a problem for her everyday, so clearly she can handle it some days. What's going on during the days she can't?
As a follow up, we decided that since DD originally lied to DH about whether she got in trouble yesterday, the combination meant no cartoons, no playing and no gymnastics for the night. However, if she is good today and tomorrow, she gets to do the make up class tomorrow. I'm going to make cookies tonight, and she knows if she is good today, she gets to help with the cookies (something she LOVES). I'm not of the belief that if she misbehaves at school there will be no repercussions at home. A number of people in my family are in education, and that certainly would not have flown in my house growing up.
I spoke with the teachers this morning and they apparently told DD that if she was quiet on her mat for 10 minutes that they would give her a book, but she kept crawling over to another boy's mat and keeping him from napping. Because her antics keep the other kids from sleeping, that is why she ends up in the office. This is an accredited program at a day care, so it isn't like there are big kids in the office with her. I pointed out to the teacher that DD has not concept of a 10 minute time span without a digital clock to follow, and the teacher mentioned possibly getting an egg timer so DD can hold it and see when the 10 minutes is up. That may work better, but if things don't turn around soon, I'm gong to have to go to the director. I really don't understand the 10 minutes of being on her mat to "earn" a book since the teachers in the 2 previous classes would give her a book from the start or even let her color quietly while the other kids slept.
They do have reward charts at school and for each day they are good at nap time, they get a sticker. If they have 3 stickers at the end of the week, they get to pick something from the treasure box. Sometimes that is enough incentive and other times not.
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame