- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Baby Names
"Stolen" girl name dilemma.
I have had my future daughter's name picked out for about the last 5 years. There was no doubt in my mind that if I had a daughter someday, what her name would be. Unfortunately, I did not keep it to myself. I told it to a friend, who is not a very close friend, but a friend nonetheless, and almost exactly 9 months later, she had a daughter and named her that very name - which is not very common. Not even in the top 100. My jaw just about hit the floor. Now, I know you can't really call dibs on a name, or claim a name that might not ever be used as yours. I get that. It's just that now, I AM in a position where I will be naming a baby, and I feel like I can't use the name I have loved and had been planning to use for years. I DO feel like it was stolen from me! I know I said she is not that close of a friend, and that's true. Normally, I'd say whatever and just use my name. They live about 200 miles away in DH's home town. The problem is we have known them for years. The husband is someone DH considered having in our wedding, and while I like the wife, she is not one of MY good friends. KWIM? It's not MY hometown and since we don't live near them, I wouldn't really have the chance to become great friends with her. We see them MAYBE once a year, but when we do we get along great. They have lots of mutual friends that DH grew up with, but here is the real catch - they also have the same last name! No, they are not even related to us! I have had to sit and watch MY baby's full name be plastered all over Facebook on someone elses kid for the last year and a half! I have tried very hard to find another name. I have another one that I kind of like, but I don't love it as much as my original name. What would you do in this situation? I really still want to use it, but could I even get away with it? Now, I'd feel like I have to ask her permission, but at the same time, I feel that's completely ridiculous considering I pretty much GAVE it to her! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Stolen" girl name dilemma.
Keep it in perspective. It's a name. It's not your child's personality, identity or life.
BTW, how does your DH feel about the name? I always wonder about that when I hear women who say they've have a name picked out for years. I don't see how that's possible when it should take two people to make the such an important decision.
You stole my nest name - there can be no other Krissy's on the nest EVER. Now one of us is going to have to change our names and it is NOT going to be me. SO there!!!!
Get over it - seriously!
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
I'd just use it.
If she "stole" it from you knowing that it was your fave...she probably doesn't care one little bit if you use it as well.
Also, you hardly see these people or have much of the same social circle. In day to day life it won't matter one bit.
My sister has the same first name as a daughter of my friend's parents. It was my Mom's pick "first" apparently but the other couple loved it and "stole" it. They joked about it and moved on. My sister and friend grew up not caring one little bit. They're both now respectable adults with their own identities.
No one owns a name afterall.
I actually wouldn't because it doesn't sound like they are that distant of friends to your husband. If your DH is a good enough friend to possibly consider having him in your wedding, then they are close and it doesn't matter that you and the wife aren't best friends. What does your husband say about the name anyway? Since there is a close network of friends for him, I think it would be weird, especially if they have the same last name. It wasn't meant to be, so time to find something else to name your baby IMO.
BFP#1 10 wk missed mc
BFP#2 DS born at 40+2 on 8/14/12 BFP#3 DD Born at 39+3 on 5/13/14
Use the name, but just be prepared that if you have any mutual friends, people will probably think you copied the name from them.
I think the fact that they have the same last name does make it worse.
I hate that she took your name idea, but in the end, you have to be happy with your choice.
PS. what's the name?
Ditto. Does your husband even like it? Also, side note thought: it's very rare to hear a guy say, "I've loved Olivia since I was 5 and I would be devastated if someone used it." Whenever I hear stories like this (or about creative spellings) I'm always 100% convinced the wife is behind the naming.
I say use it if you BOTH love it. Even if it's not in the top 100, I highly doubt it's super unique. Not to mention, if you told her your name, she had to know there was a chance you still would even if she did, too.
And it's not your baby's full name being plastered on FB. It's her baby, your phantom baby.
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
To the poster who said I was being silly and childish: That is why I put "stolen" in quotes. I know that you can't call dibs on a name. I said that right in my post. I never got mad at her or anything like that. I am just hurt that I feel like I can't use the name that I had picked out now. That's it - nothing more. And yes, I am pregnant now, which is why I am even having this dilemma. I was just wondering if, given the situation, anyone else would still use the name.
I would be upset but I would still use the name. Doesn't sound like you see each other that often and if you love the name, you love the name.
I definitely don't think you need to or should ask for her permission. If it comes up, just say, "yeah, I've loved that name for 5 years, remember when we talked about it?"
BFP#1: 11/20/11, EDD 7/25/12, Emily Iris arrived 7/29/12 at 7 lb., 3.5 oz.
BFP#2: 8/25/13, EDD 5/4/14, MMC confirmed on 9/23/13, D&C on 9/26/13
BFP#3: 2/3/14, EDD 10/15/14, fraternal TWINS confirmed 2/21/14, two BOYS confirmed on 4/15/14!
I know it was only my phantom baby. That is why I am having a hard time with my feelings about it. It was just something that I had in my mind for so long, and to see it come to reality on someone else was hard for me.
You are right. It is not SUPER unique, but not super common either. Other variations, like Ella, are way more common. The name is Elle. Which I always thought was just so short and sweet and pretty, and good for a child or an adult.
Yes, I have thought about doing that - just using it anyway and reminding her of when I told her about it. Part of me just doesn't know if it's worth it - having to have that conversation with her, not to mention other mutual friends thinking I copied HER. Do I love that name so much that it's worth that? That's what I'm trying to figure out. So far, I still like it more than other names, but I do have another name in mind that comes close.
blog
Diagnosed hypothyroidism.
Yes, I have learned my lesson! I did share that one with her when neither one of us was pregnant, so somehow, I thought it was safe! lol I am pregnant now, and I know about 5 other people who are too - and they're all due before me! I will be very careful about name sharing now! I've even had this crazy thought that I will start calling the baby by name on facebook (I've seen other people do it!) - essentially naming the baby months before its born - so that my baby can be named before the ones who are due before me! I don't think it would be weird. I've known plenty of people who were calling their baby by name months in advance!
These are direct quotes from your original post:
I DO feel like it was stolen from me!
...I pretty much GAVE it to her
So, you can't call dibs on a name, but you feel like the name was stolen from you? You're contradicting yourself. Also, that little read angry face usually implies that you're mad.
Anyway, all I'm trying to say is relax. You may not ever have a girl and your husband may not even agree to it, so it may turn out to be a non-issue. It's silly to worry about it until then.
To answer your question, no, I would not use the name. Like I said before, there are plenty of good names out there. Though, on the other hand, I wouldn't think it odd for two girls in the same circle to have the same name. It happens. Especially with a name like Elle. Yes, it's pretty, but with all of it's variations, it is super common. I know and Elliana, Elizabeth, and Ellie all under the age of 2 who go by Elle. I promise, she won't be the last Elle of the group.
I would 100% use it. I've facing a similar thing.
I loved a name for the last...6 years! I haven't told many people though, and now My cousin (who lives across seas) named her daughter the same name a few months ago, and my other cousin who I've always known by her nickname, apparently her full name might be the same. AND now it's the name of a former character on a well known show.
Anyways, if I were you I'd use for sure. If she gets upset that's her problem, not yours. You deserve to have a name you love, and so does your daughter. It's not always that easy to find a replacement name.
What my mind knows is rational, and how I feel about it are two different things, I guess! It IS contradicting. Yes, I do feel a little mad about it, and a bit cheated. I can't change how I feel. I do not hold it against my friend, though. Who knows if she even remembered where she heard the name? So I do completely understand what you're saying. I know...she got it first. It was fair game. *Sigh*
I do have another girl name, but I'm just not sure I like it as much. I have been considering the idea of choosing another variation of Elle - maybe a longer name and calling her Elle for short anyway. I know it's pretty common as a shortened name though, and some of the variations are common, too. I wanted it for the full name. It's just so simple and sweet, and as it's own name, it's really not that common. We'll see... I am not having any issues with boys names. I'm going to let DH come up with those and weed through his choices.
Despite what you believe not to be a common name, it in fact is. No, it is not in the top 100 yet, but in the past eight years it has jumped up 200 spots. Meaning if it is not "common" it is atleast trendy (not to mention the 1000's of Ella, Eliana's, Elizabeth's etc using Elle as a nn).
Do you know what you are having right now?
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
I'm really not. I do know that someone could use a name I like without me mentioning it. Really, all it comes down to is that I told a friend the name I wanted to use when neither one of us was pregnant, she got pregnant first, used the name, and I am hurt that now I feel like its off limits. I think almost anyone would feel that way. Wouldn't you?
I know that variations of it are super common, and Elle and Ellie are super common for short. If you look up Elle on it's own, it's really not that common as it's own name, which is part of the reason why I liked it better than Ella. Still, you are right. I do know that it's not all THAT uncommon. It still doesn't hit the top 100 - on it's own at least. Nope, I don't know that this is a girl for sure yet, but I'm not really having any issues with boys names - fortunately.
If you are having a girl - giver he whatever name you and your husband wants. Color me nutty - but I have never understood the whole possessive name thing anyway. Within the same immediate family - sure - I get it. But seriously - you and your family are the ones that will live with the name your whole lives - not the teacher who has several "Elle's" in their class, or neighbors, distant friends, etc.
And lastly - Elle is a pretty common name. And it has only gotten more popular because of movies like Legally Blonde, etc.
Well, I guess I'm stressing about it because I know about 5 people who are due before me and I feel like I need to name this baby NOW because the name pool within our friends and family is only getting smaller and smaller. I'm not really having an issue like this with boys names. With my older two kids, we pretty much had our pick of names because very few people we knew had kids yet. It was much easier then. It's completely different this time around because now EVERYONE has kids. My husband or I will mention a name and it's like, "oh, no, so-and-so has that name". So now, when I find one I like that no one has yet, it's kind of rare! I don't want a name that is TOO common, but I also don't want a weird, completely uncommon name, either. Unfortunately, I think that's what almost everyone wants, so pretty much every kid we know ends up with a name thats in at least the top 200 for whatever is popular at the time. Of those, probably half seem off limits, and the majority of what is left, we, or at least I don't like. It doesn't help that DH and I are both from large families and we know A LOT of people between the 2 of us. So, I guess I don't feel that it's being possessive, it's more, I'm running out of options, so if I seem posessive about a name it's because I'm scared I won't be able to find another one. That and I'm probably just a tad bit hormonal.
Some of the wacky spellings/made up names/etc just make my head spin