Milestones & DH driving me crazy
Hi. I don't think I have posted here before, so I will introduce myself- I am Maria, I have a DD Gwen born at 34 weeks due to unexplained PTL. After her initial stay in the NICU for two weeks (jaundice, unexplained infection and then just making sure she could do all her feedings by nipple ) she has been extremely healthy and our Ped says she is thriving . She is meeting all the milestones for her age (without adjustment) and is advanced for some. She is petite but healthy and on track, our Ped is always very pleased with her progress and she has had no problems. My husband constantly insists she is falling behind, and drives me absolutely crazy. He has children from a previous relationship and I am sure he can't help comparing them, but it drives me crazy. Especially since she is no where near behind. Her last few dr appointments my DH has had to work, so although I have been reassured by the doctor he has not heard him say how wonderful she is doing. I have shown him the baby books, but he still insists she is falling behind. It is driving me crazy. She is 35 weeks old now (29 adjusted) she sits up by herself, stands between your legs or holding on to the couch, she grabs things, loves baby food, says Mama & baba, rolls over everyway, teething (no tooth yet but soon). He is all worried because she isn't crawling, has no interest in it and hates tummy time (she does it for at least a half hour everyday anyway). I am so proud of her, and it seems like he is always so quick to believe there is something wrong with her. Is he right? Am I the crazy one? Am I just seeing what I want to see? Is there any way I can assuage his worries? Thanks for any advice
Re: Milestones & DH driving me crazy
If you pedi says she's fine (and it sounds like she is). I wouldn't worry. I don't really know why he's wanting to be such a downer about it BUT he needs to give the child a break, she was 6 weeks early! My DD was 11 weeks early. So, by no means is she doing things that her other 9 month old peers are doing and I'm ok with that. She is meeting all of her adjusted age (6 month) milestones and some of the 9 month ones. EVERY baby does things at different rates. Tell him to stop stressing you out. As long as your pedi is fine with your baby's development, there's no need to worry.
Not to sound snarky, but I hope he's not like this as she gets older if she "doesn't do things other kids are doing" or "making the same grades as the other kids". That's setting her up for poor self esteem. Granted, she's little now and that may be me over reacting (and venting a little of my frustrations with MY parents) but he needs to just chill. She's healthy and happy and that's all that matters. I'm sorry he's stressing you out! Try not to worry and just enjoy your baby girl
ITA!!! You need to have a heart-to-heart with him that he needs to chill out. My DH is often worried about H's growth. He wants him to be tall. When he asked the Pedi about it the pedi said "well if you wanted him to be as tall as you, you shouldn't have picked a petite wife." Sad, but true. It seemed to help put in perspective for him that being 50th%ile instead of 90th is probably just his genes and has nothing to do with prematurity. Schedule the next pedi visit for when DH can make it and let the pedi do some of your dirty work
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BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
I think that having your first baby be a preemie is extra tough. My DD was a 35 weeker and I remember being SO FREAKED about every thing. Pushing her before she was ready. I cringe now at how scared I was, how many google searches I did, etc. It was so ridiculous. It didn't help that my BFF had a baby right after me (she was due 3 weeks before me and had the baby 2 weeks after me) and he was a very physical little guy... walking at 9 months, etc... He was full out running before my DD was even cruising. It just fueled that fear.
DD is a perfectly healthy and smart little 2.5 year old now. It all evens out. Obviously you want to keep an eye on your DD, but you would keep an eye on a full term baby too. It isn't a competition to see which baby does what first. There is a HUGE range of "normal".
With my second baby (a full termer) I am soooo much more laid back. Both because I have experience but because I know that babies do things in their own time and that MOST of the time, they are perfectly healthy and everything averages out.
Your DH needs to chill. This baby time is so short lived and precious. It is a shame to waste it away being stressed out.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
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No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
My husband does this a little b/c he just doesn't know. i basically tell him to either trust me, or go with me to the pedi appts.
Your LO is doing great.