Milestones & DH driving me crazy

mariawaters

Hi. I don't think I have posted here before, so I will introduce myself- I am Maria, I have  a DD Gwen born at 34 weeks due to unexplained PTL. After her initial stay in the NICU for two weeks (jaundice, unexplained infection and then just making sure she could do all her feedings by nipple ) she has been extremely healthy and our Ped says she is thriving . She is meeting all the milestones for her age (without adjustment) and is advanced  for some. She is petite but healthy and on track, our Ped is always very pleased with her progress and she has had no problems. My husband constantly insists she is falling behind, and drives me absolutely crazy. He has children from a previous relationship and I am sure he can't help comparing them, but it drives me crazy. Especially since she is no where near behind. Her last few dr appointments my DH has had to work, so although I have been reassured by the doctor he has not heard him say how wonderful she is doing. I have shown him the baby books, but he still insists she is falling behind. It is driving me crazy. She is 35 weeks old now (29 adjusted) she sits up by herself, stands between your legs or holding on to the couch, she grabs things, loves baby food, says Mama & baba, rolls over everyway, teething (no tooth yet but soon). He is all worried because she isn't crawling, has no interest in it and hates tummy time (she does it for at least a half hour everyday anyway). I am so proud of her, and it seems like he is always so quick to believe there is something wrong with her. Is he right? Am I the crazy one? Am I just seeing what I want to see? Is there any way I can assuage his worries? Thanks for any advice

lwmooney87

If you pedi says she's fine (and it sounds like she is). I wouldn't worry. I don't really know why he's wanting to be such a downer about it BUT he needs to give the child a break, she was 6 weeks early! My DD was 11 weeks early. So, by no means is she doing things that her other 9 month old peers are doing and I'm ok with that. She is meeting all of her adjusted age (6 month) milestones and some of the 9 month ones. EVERY baby does things at different rates. Tell him to stop stressing you out. As long as your pedi is fine with your baby's development, there's no need to worry.

Not to sound snarky, but I hope he's not like this as she gets older if she "doesn't do things other kids are doing" or "making the same grades as the other kids". That's setting her up for poor self esteem. Granted, she's little now and that may be me over reacting (and venting a little of my frustrations with MY parents) but he needs to just chill. She's healthy and happy and that's all that matters. I'm sorry he's stressing you out! Try not to worry and just enjoy your baby girl

haziedaze

lwmooney87:

If you pedi says she's fine (and it sounds like she is). I wouldn't worry. I don't really know why he's wanting to be such a downer about it BUT he needs to give the child a break, she was 6 weeks early! My DD was 11 weeks early. So, by no means is she doing things that her other 9 month old peers are doing and I'm ok with that. She is meeting all of her adjusted age (6 month) milestones and some of the 9 month ones. EVERY baby does things at different rates. Tell him to stop stressing you out. As long as your pedi is fine with your baby's development, there's no need to worry.

Not to sound snarky, but I hope he's not like this as she gets older if she "doesn't do things other kids are doing" or "making the same grades as the other kids". That's setting her up for poor self esteem. Granted, she's little now and that may be me over reacting (and venting a little of my frustrations with MY parents) but he needs to just chill. She's healthy and happy and that's all that matters. I'm sorry he's stressing you out! Try not to worry and just enjoy your baby girl

ITA!!! You need to have a heart-to-heart with him that he needs to chill out. My DH is often worried about H's growth. He wants him to be tall. When he asked the Pedi about it the pedi said "well if you wanted him to be as tall as you, you shouldn't have picked a petite wife." Sad, but true. It seemed to help put in perspective for him that being 50th%ile instead of 90th is probably just his genes and has nothing to do with prematurity. Schedule the next pedi visit for when DH can make it and let the pedi do some of your dirty work ).

mariawaters

Thanks ladies. I will tell him if he is so worried then he needs to make her next dr appointment or email his concerns so he can read the doc's response for himself. . My hubby is great with DD ( with my SKs too) and I know he isn't trying to upset me when he says things, but you are right I should have a heart to heart. Thanks for replying- it really helps to hear from other moms of preemies

sweetpea2003

I think that having your first baby be a preemie is extra tough.  My DD was a 35 weeker and I remember being SO FREAKED about every thing.  Pushing her before she was ready.  I cringe now at how scared I was, how many google searches I did, etc.  It was so ridiculous.  It didn't help that my BFF had a baby right after me (she was due 3 weeks before me and had the baby 2 weeks after me) and he was a very physical little guy... walking at 9 months, etc...  He was full out running before my DD was even cruising.  It just fueled that fear.

DD is a perfectly healthy and smart little 2.5 year old now.  It all evens out.  Obviously you want to keep an eye on your DD, but you would keep an eye on a full term baby too.    It isn't a competition to see which baby does what first.  There is a HUGE range of "normal".

With my second baby (a full termer) I am soooo much more laid back.  Both because I have experience but because I know that babies do things in their own time and that MOST of the time, they are perfectly healthy and everything averages out.

Your DH needs to chill.  This baby time is so short lived and precious.  It is a shame to waste it away being stressed out.

lemen99

My husband does this a little b/c he just doesn't know.  i basically tell him to either trust me, or go with me to the pedi appts.

Your LO is doing great.