To throatpunch or be ashamed?

Mr&MrsX · November 2008

Last night Mr. X and I were chatting about a friend of ours who has lost about lbs, got a new job, and made a lot of progress to becoming more of the person she wants to be. Her boyfriend has not made any personal growth in a while and she finally became tired of his lack of motivation and ended their relationship. Since this was interpreted by my husband and I as a lack of similar life goals we started talking about our own goals. I ask Mr. X what he thinks our goals are, he responded thusly

"My goal is to make you happy, and your goal is to make you happy."

I've been struggling with whether or not to be irritated at Mr. X for saying that, or whether I should be ashamed of myself. How would you all interpret it?

bancbev · November 2008

I would ask him what exactly he meant by it and if he feels his needs aren't met. Sounds like a heart to heart is in order.

Or you could just blow him and he will forget all about it.?

gr8bigsmile · November 2008

My guess is that it was a failed attempt at humor. I 2nd that you should talk to him about it and try to find out exactly what he meant.

WinsyWade · November 2008

Did he say that sarcastically? Or jokingly? I would talk to him about it. Without hearing his tone of voice I have no clue how he meant it.

weelass24 · November 2008

It sounds like an oversimplification to me.

Tonto12 · November 2008

I think he was just being a man and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. He was probably trying to be funny.

lo45fd98wq32 · November 2008

I agree, I would really need to hear his tone of voice to know exactly how to understand it. I think discussing it with him further would help. Maybe he inaccuratly inteprets actions of yours to be selfish when they are not intended to be. I would probably be a mix of both of your emotions until it was discussed further.

hjk5000 · November 2008

bancbev:
Or you could just blow him and he will forget all about it.

lol. That made me spit my water at the screen.

He either said it in an attempt to be sweet or he said it sarcastically. Sarcastically would probably upset me too. Either way you were probably looking for more of an answer than that, so ask him again. :-)

pnwjess · November 2008

I would definitely have a more in-depth discussion. Initially, I'd be pissed. Ask him what he meant by it before you throatpunch.

Mr&MrsX · November 2008

bancbev:

Or you could just blow him and he will forget all about it.

Check.

This morning I asked him about it a little. I asked if he really wants to TTC in May or if he's just doing it to make me happy. There is nothing scarier to me then the idea of him doing something that life altering just to please me. He answered that he does want to TTC in May and not because it will make me happy but because he feels "as prepared as possible" for children and doesn't want to get "to old".

He did instantly take it back after he said it, but there was just a hint of 'we both know that it's true' in his voice. He went on to say that he doesn't really have concrete long term goals and that since I'm a singularly minded person and pick things to focus on he's happy to just go along.

lo45fd98wq32 · November 2008

That makes sense, and it's kind of how I am with my DH. He has big dreams and goals in life--my big dream and goal is to be his wife and a mother. Anything else, I'm just happy to join him on the ride.

MrsJA · November 2008

I'm thinking he was just trying to make a joke and it didn't land. This happens to me all the time with DH.

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