Hot topic Tuesday: defending your C section

canthardlywait426 · January 2012

Hey ladies! Here's a HTT question for you:

Do you ever feel that you have to defend your reasoning for a c section? Whether it was elective, emergency, or otherwise. I know that sometimes I get a side eye when I say that I had to have a c/s. Sometimes I feel that I need to disclose the fact that for the health and safety of my child it was necessary. But I also remember that electing to have a c/s shouldn't get people crucified either.

So what say you? Do you feel the need to defend? Have you ever been put in the situation where you felt judged for having one?

JG362009 · January 2012

No, not at all -- I actually feel the opposite sometimes. I think c-sections are so common that sometimes I feel like I over-explain how much mine sucked because everyone seems to think it's just a really easy way to give birth. So I've never felt defensive about it, and the only person I judge for having a c-section is myself.

I have to add that there are so few people that know I had a c-section. It almost never comes up.

marissaw5 · January 2012

Always. Even from complete strangers. My first was medically necessary (36 hours of labor and 0 progress- and a 9lb 10oz 38 weeker) and I have made the choice to have a RCS. I'm not sure which bothers me more, defending my choice to strangers or family and friends who should just be supportive.

Shi Mommy · January 2012

I have a friend who always talks about how wonderful natural birth is and how wonderful it was getting to watch her son being born with a mirror. How wonderful it was to have her son placed on her chest ect ect. She asked me why I couldn't do it. I said I went into labor on my own my water broke on its own I had no drugs what so ever. I was almost ready to push (if they had waited for my MW rather than listen to the doctor who told me it was necessary to have a c/s cuz i'm too short i could have pushed. of course i didnt tell her that) I told her my body did everything it could but circumstances wouldnt let me push my daughter out naturally. BTW i went more natural than she did. she had an epi , doctor broke her water for her and she was induced!

byrne15 · January 2012

I had a horrible delivery (including a c-section under general anesthesia and an episiotomy and forceps attempt).

If people give me the side - eye, I tell them to F-off. J/k....no one has ever done that, but if they did, I don't think I'd feel the need to defend. Just like I never felt the need to explain why I chose not to BF ds.

Five_letter · January 2012

I've never had to defend mine irl, only on TB. I think the online atmosphere and the huge lump of recently pregnant women in one place leads people to be overly opinionated and it's not reflective of real life.

apeydawn214 · January 2012

I've had to defend mine several times. Surprisingly, I've done more defending from family than I have from co-workers or strangers. I had a medically necessary c-section because my birth canal is not wide enough to push a baby out, but I still had to defend my choice to family because I didn't push first and then end up with a c-section.

magdalina.h · January 2012

Nope. I've never had to defend it. I've had people ask why and I explain, but never defend.

skio · January 2012

I don't feel the need to defend it to anyone but myself.

Despite laboring for 23 hours, dilating fully, and pushing for 3.5 hours, I honestly believe that I could've gotten her out eventually. I think some decisions I made during my labor effected my ability to deliver vaginally. I try to tell myself often that I did what was best for DD and for myself, but I don't know if that's true. I guess I judge myself. It's quite sad, actually.

But I couldn't care less about what other people think about my c/s. lol.

manbearpig31610 · January 2012

Of corse people judge. People are always going to judge others. I can't control what other people do but I can control how I respond to them. I choose not to. If someone wants to judge me for having a c/s, let them judge. What do I care? It says more about them than it does about me. I don't feel the need to explain or defend my c/s to anyone because it simply doesn't matter.

americana · January 2012

I only had a couple people question it. I was a scheduled c/s due to a previous abdominal myomectomy. But went into pre-mature labor and became an emergency c/s. I found the couple people that questioned it ended up having c-sections of their own by emergency even though they swore they were going all-natural. Kharma hates snarky. I'm just pro-whatever-method-gets-your-baby-out-healthy-and-safely. When my girls were born my mom marveled at how perfectly round their little heads were having not been "squished by a vag." Stick out tongue

I had a good support team!

nosoup4u · January 2012

skio:
I don't feel the need to defend it to anyone but myself.

This was definitely me for a long time. My MW didn't know DS1 was OP until I had been pushing for hours (he wasn't in distress when I had the c/s, I was completely exhausted from pushing for 4+ hours). I convinced myself it was necessary at first, but then I was mad about it for a long time - why hadn't my MW been more aware of his position during labor, before I started pushing? I still wish that my MW had a clue that my son wasn't line up correctly, but what's done is done.

My doula from my first birth actually told me to my face that I probably could have had a vaginal birth if I only had done a home birth with DS1 - when I was six weeks postpartum with him. That's the crappiest comment I've ever gotten from someone about it, though.

diazzle · January 2012

I feel more often than not I have to defend and/or explain having a C-section. It really irritates me that complete strangers offer the thought that C-sections are not necessary and that women have been able to have children for hundreds of years without them. I was in the waiting room of my OBGYN last week when a complete stranger tells me that I didn't have to have a C-section and that there are other options. Did I ask her opinion? When did she become my doctor? It really bothers me beyond belief. I wish those people would keep their opinions to themselves- they aren't my doctor!

jb2rn · January 2012

skio:
I don't feel the need to defend it to anyone but myself.
Despite laboring for 23 hours, dilating fully, and pushing for 3.5 hours, I honestly believe that I could've gotten her out eventually. I think some decisions I made during my labor effected my ability to deliver vaginally. I try to tell myself often that I did what was best for DD and for myself, but I don't know if that's true. I guess I judge myself. It's quite sad, actually.
But I couldn't care less about what other people think about my c/s. lol.

This, exactly. I don't broadcast ds was a c section, but after a long labor, I made it to a 9 but ds got tachycardia and I got a fever so there was concern for infection. I do still wonder if I could have gotten him out (they said he was presenting oddly so maybe that is why I dilated so slowly despite strong contrax) safely. No one has questioned me yet, but I am sure they will at some point.

JG362009 · January 2012

marissaw5:
Always. Even from complete strangers. My first was medically necessary (36 hours of labor and 0 progress- and a 9lb 10oz 38 weeker) and I have made the choice to have a RCS. I'm not sure which bothers me more, defending my choice to strangers or family and friends who should just be supportive.

I'm asking this is a really non-snarky, just curious way, but how do complete strangers know you're having/had a c-section?

44me · January 2012

Try looking at it another way. ?If it?weren't?for c-sections, would your baby be alive? ?I am about to have my FOURTH c-section...sure I'm sure someone will judge me, but I did everything I could to deliver "normally". ?I went though labor twice...My first was breech and my second, labor just went on forever with no progress. ?Having a c-section wasn't something that I wanted ?or chose. It has been eight years since my last child, so I asked my doctor if I could try a VBAC, but the risks are way too high. My other three are in school, and trust me, no one cares that they were delivered via c-section. There will always be competition among mothers about something... grades, soccer, potty training. ?You'll see,?it's best to let it roll off your back and enjoy your kids just the way they are;)

iris427 · January 2012

I planned to have a med-free water birth with my first so when I had a c/s, I felt like I had to justify it to people. I think I really felt like I had to justify it to myself.

Then I felt like I had to justify why it happened and why I wasn't planning an elective repeat with my second. A lot of people made comments to me about how my pelvis was too small but I always felt like I had a c/s because my daughter was in a bad position, not because of CPD.

MAprincess · January 2012

I never felt like I had to defend my c/s to anyone but myself. No one ever asked me how my children came into the world but I did feel the need to defend it anyway, in the beginning. No one seemed to care one way or the other.

I had to defend my VBAC to many people until they all learned to mind their own business.

Maybe it has to do with where you are. No one gave me a second glance about my c/s, people pressured me to have a RCS when I told them I was having a VBAC, and then everyone thought it was great when I did VBAC after all.

People just have opinions sometimes. But I never felt bad about my c/s or my VBAC. I think it is weird when people ask about that stuff- people are so nosy!

mlf625 · January 2012

No, I've never felt like I needed to defend my choice to have a c/s, and I'm always surprised by the adversity others on these boards seem to experience. I think it's sad.

Disneygeek77 · January 2012

For my first c-section, no. It was an emergency at 32 weeks and I wasn't in labor or anything, but she needed to come out.

Choosing a repeat c/s with my second ? Yeah I guess a little bit. I wouldn't say people give me a hard time, they just ask why I chose a repeat c/s. I just say I made the right decision for myself at that time. Sometimes I regret that decision, but mostly I am ok with it.

marissaw5 · January 2012

JG362009:
marissaw5:
Always. Even from complete strangers. My first was medically necessary (36 hours of labor and 0 progress- and a 9lb 10oz 38 weeker) and I have made the choice to have a RCS. I'm not sure which bothers me more, defending my choice to strangers or family and friends who should just be supportive.

I'm asking this is a really non-snarky, just curious way, but how do complete strangers know you're having/had a c-section?

Well.. I consider fellow bumpies strangers.. and then there's just the occasional person who wants to hear your birth story- which comes up a lot when they ask how much DS weighed and wonder "how I got him out". And people keep asking when I'm due and I say she is being born on Feb 17th which obviously means it's scheduled.

JG362009 · January 2012

marissaw5:
JG362009:

marissaw5:
Always. Even from complete strangers. My first was medically necessary (36 hours of labor and 0 progress- and a 9lb 10oz 38 weeker) and I have made the choice to have a RCS. I'm not sure which bothers me more, defending my choice to strangers or family and friends who should just be supportive.

I'm asking this is a really non-snarky, just curious way, but how do complete strangers know you're having/had a c-section?

Well.. I consider fellow bumpies strangers.. and then there's just the occasional person who wants to hear your birth story- which comes up a lot when they ask how much DS weighed and wonder "how I got him out". And people keep asking when I'm due and I say she is being born on Feb 17th which obviously means it's scheduled.

Okay, gotcha -- yes, definitely consider bumpies strangers but I didn't even think about that.

goldenleaves · January 2012

Always! Just like I feel the need to defend the fact that I will be having a RCS. I feel judged a lot.

pghjen · January 2012

I haven't had anyone IRL say anything either way about how I had DS except how sorry they are that my birth experience was so traumatic and how lucky I am to have my son. And I will defend the c-section because it saved my son's life. Which is also why we will have a RCS with any furture children - I don't want to take a chance on that type of trauma again.

I honestly don't know why people feel it's necessary to criticize/comment on how someone had their baby, if they are breastfeeding, etc. Being a new mom is hard enough without having people judge you for things that aren't in your control..for me, it was a placental abruption and low breast milk supply. I was already stressed out enough about both of these things - comments from strangers about BF weren't helpful.

TLM08 · January 2012

I do feel that way. Maybe I'm defensive because of my own preconcieved notions about c-sections before having DD#1. Before my first c-section I thought c-sections were for women who were older, overweight, lazy, or had medical complications. So, I being in my early 20's, athletic, with an uncomplicated pregnancy, and only 23 lbs weight gain would have never dreamed of a c-section. I did not anticipate going into labor 6 weeks early with a breech baby. I was so rigid about my own birth plan that I felt cheated and like I cheated at birth. Being so rigid also hindered me from accepting my c-sections. It was very imature of me.

I have to say the only time I've been asked about my birth experience/birth plan is when my girls were brand new or when I'm pregnant. It's like the minute you start showing other women feel like it's completely appropriate to ask you very invasive questions. And there are women out there who never needed a c-section and don't have understanding of the medical necessity who share my previous preconceived ideas. I was recently at my daughter's ballet class and someone asked about our birth plan and as I was explaining my necessity for a RCS another woman interupted me and said "oh, I never had to mess with none of that c-section stuff. I was induced at 39 weeks with all of mine and they came out in 5 pushes or less." And I don't know what came over me, but I said "Of course you didn't. How nice for you that you can pop babies out like pez." She hasn't said anything to me since (YAY!).

I work social work in the medical field (not OBGYN... but you know everyone's an expert) and I am surrounded by nurses who try to tell me that their friend's cousin, or sister-in-law's niece, or sorority sister's cousin's wife, etc. had a VBAC less than a year after having a c-section so my doctor is full of it (because timing is why VBAC isn't an option this go round for me). My doctor is known in our area for being the best OB around, so it's infuriating that women who have less medical experience/education and aren't in the OB field keep making comments to undermind his expertise and my willingness to listen to his medical advice.

I also had a "friend" who told me during my last pregnancy that she was praying for my VBAC because I was "pushing this one out my vag and not taking the easy way out this time." Hmmm... I wonder if she thinks c-sections are "cheating"???

I don't mind defending myself, but the fact that I have to just reinforces my own negative feelings toward surgical births. It doesn't make me feel any better about making a decision for my and my baby's health and safety. It makes me feel like all of my own self criticism is shared by other women.

annabelle.27 · January 2012

I've never felt I had to defend my c-section. My planned vbac is another story.

swimiz500 · January 2012

Yep, all the time! Especially to close friends and family, who I should not have to defend myself to. The c-section was medically necessary, so when it is an acquaintance (people would ask when I was due, and I would tell them the date of my scheduled c/s), I would just say that. But, I told my family that if it was possible, I wanted one from the get-go, and they all kept badgering me about why I should want a vaginal birth. A lot of my friends IRL think, like some of the PPs said, c-sections are the worst things ever, so perhaps that is part of the stigma.

If I have another LO, I will no doubt, no question, be having a RCS.

BiancaLaMae · January 2012

I absolutely feel the need to defend it. Mostly to my family actually. Even to my SO just the other day. Don't get me started on that... My c/s was medically necessary and although the Dr said I could try vaginally, it was ultimately the best option for my baby's safety.

Mrs. Alice · January 2012

Not at all. I think most people assume I had a c-section. How they were born was kind of lower on the list of priorities and concerns at the time anyway. C-sections are so common now, I can't believe that some people are so judgy about it.

lilydeven · January 2012

magdalina.h:
Nope. I've never had to defend it. I've had people ask why and I explain, but never defend.

This.

RedRobin81 · January 2012

I think it's just like anything else in pregnancy. Everyone is different, every pregnancy, baby, symptom etc., is different. I had to have a c/s because my baby was breech and she was NOT budging LOL.

If someone feels the need to judge me for having a procedure that was medically necessary in order to ensure the safety of me and my daughter...well they can go ahead and judge (and suck it while they are at it LOL). My birth plan was "Healthy mom, healthy baby" and I didn't care how they had to acheive that.

::shrugs:: Baby is awesome, I am in good shape...mission accomplished!

faith194 · January 2012

Nope, not once. People who don't know about my csection don't ask. I would never dream of going up to a stranger or even an acquaintance and ask if they had a csection or not.

aprillle · January 2012

I have gotten some comments and how I answer them just depends upon how pissy I feel that day and who is making the stupid comment.

Normally I just tell them that I am just too posh to push and then laugh at the look on their face.

If they feel they need to be agressive with me or it is a complete stranger I give them a gory detailed story of how I am built like my grandmother and how she lost several children due to her pelvic area being to small to get the children out. I figure if they are going to be that nosey and rude then they deserve to hear a terrible gross out story.

But then I tend to enjoy making people who ask stupid questions uncomfortable

shouldbworkin · January 2012

Yes, especially my RCS. I know a lot of people that have/haven't had a VBAC that wonder why I didn't try for one. My sister is PG with her first and kind of giving me crap about not trying for a VBAC with #3. You know, since she knows someone that did it, I should too. Confused

I really don't have a good come back. It annoys me, but I move on. DH and I are comfortable with our decisions and that's all that really matters.

cottonlily84 · January 2012

Never been judged, got some pity which honestly I needed bc it was an ordeal, but mostly it just seems routine and nothing out of the ordinary. Kinda bums me out how we've developed the attitude that's it's just another way to deliver a baby and not a special circumstantial type thing. Whether we put much weight on it or not, and even if it's medically necessary, we all know delivering via c/s adds risks to mom and baby and I don't think it's something that should be brushed off as normal. The only time I've been "one upped" was when someone told me they went back to work at 3 weeks pp and I went back at 10. I was still having trouble moving around at 3 weeks but I didn't even explain the c/s; none of their business.

I do defend myself. Way too much. But it's my own fault. I wasn't a naive FTM, I know things can go wrong and I was doing well rolling with the punches. I had some problems, bedrest and such but I knew, swore, vowed, shouted from the rooftops I was NOT going to have a c/s. Wrong. And it was totally warranted but I feel like going under a table when someone asks about it. My dr didn't push me into the c/s, I knew I had to do it for DD, but bc of how adament I was about not having one I still question whether I did the right thing. I know people have said I told her so behind my back and it embarasses me.

valerieanne9015 · January 2012

If anyone ever judged me for having a csection I would blow up! I tried a vaginal delivery but my baby girl wasn't handling pushing. Her heartrate was skyrocketing and not dropping. They tried vacuum and episiotomy to get her out but it just wasn't working fast enough so I had to have emergency csection. If she had been handling delivery she would have been a veginal delivery, I know I could have done it, but for her safety the docs had to get her out. It was a terrible, stressful, scary couple hours but I wouldn't change any of it because she was born fine and no reprecussions from the day. It is most often a medical necessity and maybe some people just can't understand that unless they are in the situation!

pepomntpat · January 2012

annabelle.27:
I've never felt I had to defend my c-section. My planned vbac is another story.

I have a feeling I will get a lot of flack about that as well. My family didn't like that I planned a birth center birth and I think they were all a little smug and relieved I had a c/s instead. I have a feeling if/when we go for number 2 I'll get a lot of questions about when I'll have my c/s and a lot of blank stares when I say I won't be scheduling one.

Everyone I know IRL who had a primary c/s had a RCS, except for my doula, so I think I am going to be a bit lonely.

MrsSarahL · January 2012

Saddly, I do feel that I have to defend my choice. It's really hurtful. Most of the time it's to other mothers, which boggles my mind. I had a failed induction when I was 2 weeks past my due date. I dicussed my options with my dr and we both felt cs was the best option for me. I am opting for a rcs this time around.

I don't feel like I should have to defend myself. I am perfectly fine with my choice. I'm sorry it makes others uncomfortable. Women who deliver without any medical intervention are never questioned about their choices. Why those of us who needed help?

MommynTeacher · January 2012

I do but this is because of my self-imposed dissapointment. Everone who knows me knows I had a premature baby and preeclampsia and I had no choice. I have NEVER encounterd anything negative from a stranger. I think that maybe some of us are just overly sensative about it because it isn't what we wanted.

kthappy76 · January 2012

I could honestly not care less what anyone thinks, but I haven't had an issue since we had twins and baby a was breech, so it was not elective.

zxe1106 · January 2012

I do feel like I have to defend my scheduled c/s, but mostly with our immediate family. Especially my mom who I actually have nicknamed "Pez" in my phone for the same reason that another poster said she called someone "Pez." Most of my friends don't even question it, and the only strangers to really question it are surprisingly the nurses on the LD floor who barely know my name let alone my medical records (I've gone 2x wk for NST for a month and a half now). But it is very much that there is this idea that if you have a c/s then you are just taking the easy way out. I talked with the nurses and Dr. Nothing sounds easy about being on bed rest for 24 hrs, hooked up to a catheter, staples in my belly, and the possibility of having to be given narcotic pain relievers if the pain is too bad. All the while still having to care for a newborn and all the other trials of a FTM.

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