feeling unsure about LO's middle name(vent-ish)

KatelynEA90 · January 2012

Most of this is probably petty of me but I can't help but feel sad over our LO's middle name. We planned on naming her Alyssa Catherine. We love Alyssa and we really like the sound of Catherine with it and it's SO's mothers name. (We like family names for middle names.)

I always thought my daughter's middle name would be Elizabeth. It's a family name for my family and I was really set on it. Then we decided to name our LO Alyssa, we love it and it just fits. Alyssa Elizabeth doesn't work in my opinion so that hasn't really been an option. It kind of just hit me recently that if we don't have another girl, I'll never get to use Elizabeth. I think I'm kind of 'mourning' it, is that weird?

Also, SO's mom hates me. There's a lot to the story but basically he's the baby and the favorite and anything they dislike is my fault. They were upset about us expecting and I just found out that soon after we told them, his mom tried to convince him that I tricked him and got pregnant on purpose and that I'm just trying to trap him and I clearly don't care about him at all or I wouldn't have done this. We've been together for 6+ years! And even she has said multiple times that SO is extremely excited about LO. I'm having issues naming my child after someone that dislikes me so much...

Shawnee11507 · January 2012

I wouldn't name my LO after MIL if she disliked me and talked trash about me. I wouldn't care that it would be a "family" name if that family member is a jerk.

I also agree that Elizabeth doesn't fit with Alyssa.

Is it too late to go back to the drawing board and pick something else?

jmccall79 · January 2012

Would not name my child after someone I disliked/disliked me! How about Alyssa Beth? I know it's not Elizabeth, but close?

PALGal · January 2012

jmccall79:
Would not name my child after someone I disliked/disliked me! How about Alyssa Beth? I know it's not Elizabeth, but close?

This!

What a cute idea!

PhysChic7685 · January 2012

jmccall79:
Would not name my child after someone I disliked/disliked me! How about Alyssa Beth? I know it's not Elizabeth, but close?

This amuses me (in a good way). If you say "Alyssa Beth" out loud, it sounds like Elizabeth. That would be a very cool way of doing it.

SqueezeTheClay · January 2012

I could have written this post two years ago when pregnant with my daughter. We settled on Daphne, middle name was going to be either Elizabeth (after me) or Catherine after MIL and also my sister. We decided to wait til she was born. Then, when she was out, even the nurses, not knowing our name debate, said we should name her after me because of the resemblance. DH agreed (I think he wanted Elizabeth all along anyway) and so she was named.

I have the same issues with MIL, especially at that time, and I really struggled with honoring this woman who had been such a thorn in my side in the time that I'd known her. It turned out just fine in the end though, my biggest fear was trying to change DH's mind, but it was never a problem or a fight. Perhaps your relationship with her will improve with the name selection? It's a tough call, you may just have to accept missing out on an Elizabeth. Or just fight for Elizabeth Catherine and give up on Alyssa?

I do agree that Alyssa Elizabeth just doesn't sound right. It isn't weird to be in mourning, I'm still mourning that I'll never have another girl (this might be our last) because I already had that name picked out (Phoebe).

dmsny · January 2012

We were going to use my grandmother's name but now we decided on another one and we're not even using it as a middle name. I'm a little sad about it too, but I understand the reasoning behind it. It's fairly ethnic and DH is afraid no one will pronounce it correctly and it will make the child too "different".

KatelynEA90 · January 2012

Shawnee11507:
I wouldn't name my LO after MIL if she disliked me and talked trash about me. I wouldn't care that it would be a "family" name if that family member is a jerk.
I also agree that Elizabeth doesn't fit with Alyssa.
Is it too late to go back to the drawing board and pick something else?

When we picked the name, I wasn't aware she had said these things. I'm going to try to find a few alternatives and see what SO says.

KatelynEA90 · January 2012

SqueezeTheClay:
I could have written this post two years ago when pregnant with my daughter. We settled on Daphne, middle name was going to be either Elizabeth (after me) or Catherine after MIL and also my sister. We decided to wait til she was born. Then, when she was out, even the nurses, not knowing our name debate, said we should name her after me because of the resemblance. DH agreed (I think he wanted Elizabeth all along anyway) and so she was named.
I have the same issues with MIL, especially at that time, and I really struggled with honoring this woman who had been such a thorn in my side in the time that I'd known her. It turned out just fine in the end though, my biggest fear was trying to change DH's mind, but it was never a problem or a fight. Perhaps your relationship with her will improve with the name selection? It's a tough call, you may just have to accept missing out on an Elizabeth. Or just fight for Elizabeth Catherine and give up on Alyssa?
I do agree that Alyssa Elizabeth just doesn't sound right. It isn't weird to be in mourning, I'm still mourning that I'll never have another girl (this might be our last) because I already had that name picked out (Phoebe).

I really like Alyssa. I think most of my issue isn't that we aren't using Elizabeth but that we are using Catherine and it's in 'honor' of someone that dislikes me. I'm nervous about bringing it up to SO because that's his mother but we hadn't really decided until recently so I'm hoping it isn't an issue.

After choosing Alyssa, we found out that SO was going to be an Alyssa if he was a girl. She never got a girl and she sees our LO as finally getting a girl and getting to name her Alyssa. I kind of feel like that's enough and she doesn't need the middle name too. Is that selfish though?

I think I'm going to come up with some alternatives and talk with my SO about it.

goldenleaves · January 2012

That's a tought situation. Maybe she'll like you once you name your kid after her? I hate when MIL's are jerks...would they rather their sons be alone for the whole lives?!

KatelynEA90 · January 2012

Starbuck128:
KatelynEA90:
After choosing Alyssa, we found out that SO was going to be an Alyssa if he was a girl. She never got a girl and she sees our LO as finally getting a girl and getting to name her Alyssa. I kind of feel like that's enough and she doesn't need the middle name too. Is that selfish though?
That is not selfish at all. I would feel like his family was getting input on all three names, but what about my family? I insisted that if we went with any family names, one would have to be from my side of the family. After all, the kid already gets DH family's last name. But maybe I'm just being sensitive. I'll probably be the only person from my side to pass on any family names to the next generation, where as DH's family tree is all boys! Luckily DH understood. Afterall, his middle name is his mom's maiden name. Probably because her family is all girls.

Thank you! We chose Alyssa before finding out it would be SO's name so she didn't really have a part in that but she loves it and feels like she does. And if we have a boy next, he will have SO's middle name and then no one will have a name from my side. There isn't very many girl names on my side but I'm determined to find something.

liberty95 · January 2012

PhysChic7685:
jmccall79:
Would not name my child after someone I disliked/disliked me! How about Alyssa Beth? I know it's not Elizabeth, but close?
This amuses me (in a good way). If you say "Alyssa Beth" out loud, it sounds like Elizabeth. That would be a very cool way of doing it.

This!

soveryexcited · January 2012

I think the Alyssa Beth is the most adorable name ever.

frasey · January 2012

I totally hear where you're coming from. We were going to use Kathleen as a mn - its a family name on both sides. But I have since decided that we're not going to use it, as I have never really liked the person in my family who has this name. We might still use a variation of it though, so the connection isn't as direct.

Are there any variations of Catherine you might like? Or just choose a new name altogether.

megahof · January 2012

PhysChic7685:
jmccall79:
Would not name my child after someone I disliked/disliked me! How about Alyssa Beth? I know it's not Elizabeth, but close?
This amuses me (in a good way). If you say "Alyssa Beth" out loud, it sounds like Elizabeth. That would be a very cool way of doing it.

Ugh...sorry, but I just facepalmed at that.

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