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Single Parents
I feel like my life is on hold (Long)
Right now I feel like I'm locked in a vicious cycle of going no where. I haven't filed for divorce yet because my mom wants L to be baptized in our church.
In the mean time STBXH is getting worse, on the 9th during a visit he threw his phone for the second time near L's head because it pissed him off. I called him on it and he went into the red zone and I thought he was going to come into the kitchen and beat me. He picked L up and walked him around the house like a crazy person after. I feared if I said anything he'd snap again and really would hit me or worse L. When he was leaving I told him he scares me, and he said that he scared himself sometimes. I moved out of my home and into my parents that night because he still had my key and refuses to return it.
I made a condition that he had to go to therapy for anger again before seeing L. Since we are married, he used the "I HAVE RIGHTS TO SEE MY SON" b.s. He has his shitty friends coaching him, because I know left to his own devices he'd be a dead beat and I'd never see him.
So I made a point to meet him in public. I told him our dads would both have to be there. He had a fit about it but agreed. The confrontation was so tense, I thought at one point his dad was going to lose it and hit my dad, he was like twisting his napkins into a little ball and you could tell he thought what we had to say was cr@p. Basically his parents seen NO issue with his anger outbursts around L, and thinks it's normal behavior.
Getting into the car to leave, I let STBXH to put L into his car seat, his parents were in his car, and this is what he told me and my dad. "I had an epiphany yesterday. I had a really bad day yesterday and got mad and lost it at work. I threw a rubber mallet and almost hit my boss in the face."
My jaw dropped. He is so stupid. I want so badly to get an attorney and make sure he can never have unsupervised visits with L ever again. I'm in fear that the one day I eventually do leave him over night is the day I get a phone call my kid is in the ER because he lost control. I'm so scared.
He has me under his thumb, I have no income, he has somehow screwed me into being the person responsible for the thousands of dollars of medical bills so I'm in so much debt and in collections, he threatens to stop giving me money because I'm an idiot and don't have CS payments legally set up yet. I need to go to an attorney and make sure he has no rights legally to our son. I need a job so bad, but as soon as I get one he's going to try and screw me because I'd make more than him.
I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare situation. I need a loan or something so I can just pay a good attorney, and get all this *** done and over with. I get that my mom wants L to be baptized but I think the longer I wait the harder it's going to be to settle all of this.
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Re: I feel like my life is on hold (Long)
He's started almost stalking me. He asks me where I am, what L is doing, when can he see him again, where is the day care I picked out, where am I interviewing, etc. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him just come over by himself again.
I got my dad to get the key back from him, but he still has access to the house through the garage because he knows the pin and I have no clue how to change it.
He is dangerous when he's mad, and I feel like it's only going to get worse when things go to court.
Go and look at your garage door opener for the manufacturer. I am sure you can google and find out how to change the code. If you rent, call your landlord and they will have the directions to change it. It will take less than 5 minutes.
You can do ANYTHING. Just breathe and focus on doing one step at time.
Well my parents are renting the house out now so it really doesn't make a difference at this point. It's my grandfather's house, he doesn't live there anymore. : I will let them know to try and find the manufacture so they can see if they can get it changed.
I guess him being baptized is really important to her. She's worried that if I file the church would refuse to baptize him. I would like him to be as well, but at the same time, I feel like it's the last thing on my list of things that NEED to be done.
You need to try and focus on things within your contol. Call the church and ask if the pending divorce would have any issues on the baptism. While it is important to your mother it is causing you a lot of grief and I can't imagine that a church would deny a baptism because you chose to protect your LO.
Exactly this. Since when does getting a divorce mean that a child can't be baptised? Holding up a divorce for a baptism, when you and your LO are in danger is crazy. You realize that, right?
File for a divorce, now! Get a job so you can stand on your own two feet. Don't worry about "getting screwed" because you'll make more money than your STBXH. That's not how it works. Unless you are making a ridiculous amount more than him (like 5 times more), you making more than him is not going to be a factor. I make more than my ex.
I've been looking for a job. I've had 3 interviews in the past 2 months because things are so scarce. All have lead to nothing. I need to relocate, and he basically told me there is no way in hell he'll allow that. I'd make 3-4x what he would and he doesn't want me to do well in any way.
If you have a legitimate reason to relocate, such as a job, and you're not moving across the country, most courts will allow you to move. How far away are you talking about moving?
Again, you really need to find a way to hire an attorney. They can advise you of your rights regarding the job/relocation issue.